REGRET by Allan Deya (reading list .TXT) 📖

she met him 11 years ago, he was supposed to be a mark; she had convinced herself that she was the one using him in order to further herself. When she found herself constantly thinking of him, she convinced herself that it was because she was just worried about where her next meal would come from; when she found that it was his attention that she craved more than anything in life, she persuaded herself that it was simply because she needed a sounding board and which better than the smart man he was?; when she shared her joy with him in both the very simple and most primal of ways, she told herself that it was because every man needed his ego assuaged. And when she got pregnant by him assured herself that it was because she wanted to clamp a hold on him before some other bitch got her claws in him; not that she really cared about him, but rather she did not want anyone messing with her rainbow until she reached its pot of gold.
So when one of the regular patrons at the club had taken an interest in her she had wasted no time ensuring that he knew she was available. It was not rocket science; a hot and wealthy heir or a cute and sweet gardener. So she flirted and flaunted, laughed at stale jokes and pouted, made all the requisite noises and comments until she was sure that the man was totally drunk with her. When her rich beau finally proposed she had wasted no time telling her live in boyfriend that her daughter and her would be moving on. He had tried to protest but she had shut him down. That look, the one he had given her when she told him that she had never loved him; that she had only used him to get to that point was nothing compared to the one that followed after she lied to him about their daughter’s paternity. If there had been pain for the former then it was death which accompanied the latter claim. She had seen the light dim in his eyes and could have sworn that she saw the smile lines on his face hardened with hate, but she couldn’t be bothered to care about that; wouldn’t be bothered to. She had a chance and she was going to take it. He had left that night, where to, she did not know, and left her packing up their stuff.
But things don’t always go as planned. Her beau refused to father another man’s child, in fact he refused to father any child and so she had a second choice here; keep the child or take the life. She had opted for option number 2, a decision she sorely regretted. She spent 2 years being swept up by the trips and gifts and parties and people while sweeping under the carpet any thoughts of or emotions of the man she had jilted and the 4 year old she had left behind. She wanted so much to believe that she had made the right choice that she pointedly ignored all the signs that showed her new husband was serially unfaithful. She busied herself with committees and causes and events and found that bit by bit she had reverted back to that trailer park girl she had so despised. It was around this time that memories of her rebirth had started to haunt her. Whereas her husband did not want her as much as admitting to his colleagues that she had once worked as a cocktail waitress, Vinny had been unaffected when it came out that she had been a Commercial Sex Worker. He had told his friends that she had made a mistake, like all men were prone to but that from it she had learnt and she had grown and if anyone had an issue with it they could go hang.
But still she had held on to the illusion of grandeur and continued to make excuses for almost 2 years more. Until finally one night she had been woken up by a tune; at first she had thought that Charles had forgotten to turn of the music system. A little later it struck her that the song seemed to be looped on one part of the lyrics. Her eyes flew open in the dark and though she lay unmoving, Alicia’s words came clearly to her “…you give him one more chance just like the time before, but he already knows you’ll give a hundred more. Until that night in bed you wake up in a sweat, you’re racing to the door- can’t take it anymore…” Question that remained once she realized that was whether this would be another sad love story with broken hearts and lost loves or whether 50 years later Vincent and her would sit on a beach somewhere and call it a lesson learned. So the next morning she had commissioned a PI firm to track Vincent and Daniella down. It had taken more than a year, but when 3 days prior he had called on her to deliver his final report; she had wasted no time boarding a plane from Raleigh to Kenya to find them.
Of course not everything in the report could be factual, what with the man claiming that the address outside of where she was parked was Vinny’s and not his employer’s; but that could be overlooked, provided he actually could be found there. So she sat and waited for God only knows. The door to the house opened and a tall, slender, caramel skinned lady with long ebony hair and a striking resemblance to Keri Hilson stepped out. She had what Pamela assumed was mug of coffee in one hand and a phone in the other. She was in an animated conversation and seemed to be smiling a lot. She was looking over her car, down the street, and Pamela congratulated herself again on the foresight to watch the house in a car with tinted windows. ‘Beautiful.’ She thought and from the dress sense classy. She had an easy way about her and a confident gait that indicated a career woman and a good one at that. The type of woman that Pam dearly detested: it was unfair for you to be that rich and still be so happy. ‘She probably has a thing for Vinny.’ She thought. ‘Yeah she must be married to some somber bastard who was about as interesting as a door knob and so passed the night dreaming about Vinny and her day flirting with him. He was probably the one she was on the phone with even then.’ She convinced herself.
A black beamer came up the drive and parked across the street and she saw the woman move towards it. The door opened before the come had fully come to a stop and a perfect little angel jumped out giggling with glee, “Mama!” she cried out and leapt out of the car. A tear slid down her cheek and emotion swelled in her breast as she saw her little girl, who of course after 6 years was no longer all that little, run towards her. But she ran right past the car and jumped into Keri Hilson’s arms, hugging her fiercly and wiggling away as she was smothered with sloppy kisses.
“Mummy, it was just the best.” Daniella gushed. “I knew all the words and I was not scared at all..okay maybe a little before I saw daddy in the front row. He was right there in the middle and he kept smiling and clapping even when I got some of them wrong.” Martha looked at her daughter with pride, love and just a tinge of envy; a combination only a mother could pull off. She was so proud that her baby girl was coming out of her shell, she loved the fact that she had found something that she could be so passionate about and she was envious of her extreme belief in herself. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t come baby.” “That’s right, how comes you weren’t there?” Daniella remembered. “I had an unexpected visitor show up at my office out of the blue and then I had to drive over to some school in Buruburu to chair a meeting.” Since her move to the Ministry of Education about 7 months ago she was getting more and more time carved away from her family commitments and it was starting to affect her relationship with her daughter. Vincent didn’t complain; claimed to understand that it was the demands of the job, but she could not accept that. He might have been okay about her building up her career and all, but she wasn’t, not at the expense of their time together. Sometimes she wished he could just stop being so goddamn sweet; you know be a bastard, throw a tantrum, tell her he wanted her home more.
But she knew that would not likely happen any time soon. If he felt that there wasn’t enough time for them he would make it, he always did. Like that year’s valentine when she told him she had to work to beat a deadline he hadn’t complained. Instead he had sent a bouquet of flowers in the morning, a basket of fruit in the afternoon and had taken her a picnic basket for dinner. That was what she loved most about him, but it was also the one thing about him that drove her crazy. “But don’t worry honey, I have a surprise for both you and daddy.” She told Daniella, “Speaking of which, where is your father? How comes he is not leaving the car?” Daniella pointed back and whispered conspirationaly, “He says he has to go back to the office and work on some things.” She looked over her shoulder and then added in a loud stage whisper. “I’m not supposed to tell you this but, I was supposed to come out the car with my bag so that he could drive away.” “Is that so?” Martha asked as she pressed redial on the phone. “What is this nonsense about you having to go back to the office?” she asked in the most severe tone she could muster at the time. I mean come on, it was pretty funny; a grown man that she had seen floor 2 vagabonds who had tried to get fresh with her the week before was too scared to tell her to her face that he would not be joining her the dinner she had slaved over because he had to work. “Vincent Ismail, you had better open that door right now and explain yourself.”
He had suspected that his plan would fail; Daniella did not take well to having time with her parents interrupted, even as she recounted the strategy to his little girl. He knew he had been sold out when he saw her glance back at the car and whisper something to Martha. “Oh darn!” he muttered and locked the car doors. His car phone rang. It was one thing dealing with an irate wife while telling her that you would not attend your family dinner and it was quite another dealing with her 5 hours after you stood up Friday night dinner. “There’s no need for that dear we can just talk over the phone.” He said after listening to her opening remarks. “Like hell there isn’t! You open this door now or I swear to God…” “Sweety, I really have to get this report done by tonight in order to send it out tomorrow morning. I have no choice…” “No choice, my luscious lips. Last time I checked you were CEO of your own company; meaning you can pretty much do whatever the hell you like.” She knew that he had that cute crinkle on his forehead as he replied. “I