The Diary of a Nobody by George Grossmith (interesting books to read for teens .txt) đ
- Author: George Grossmith
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The Unexpected Arrival Home of our Son, Willie Lupin Pooter.
August 4.âThe first post brought a nice letter from our dear son Willie, acknowledging a trifling present which Carrie sent him, the day before yesterday being his twentieth birthday. To our utter amazement he turned up himself in the afternoon, having journeyed all the way from Oldham. He said he had got leave from the bank, and as Monday was a holiday he thought he would give us a little surprise.
August 5, Sunday.âWe have not seen Willie since last Christmas, and are pleased to notice what a fine young man he has grown. One would scarcely believe he was Carrieâs son. He looks more like a younger brother. I rather disapprove of his wearing a check suit on a Sunday, and I think he ought to have gone to church this morning; but he said he was tired after yesterdayâs journey, so I refrained from any remark on the subject. We had a bottle of port for dinner, and drank dear Willieâs health.
He said: âOh, by-the-by, did I tell you Iâve cut my first name, âWilliam,â and taken the second name âLupinâ? In fact, Iâm only known at Oldham as âLupin Pooter.â If you were to âWillieâ me there, they wouldnât know what you meant.â
Of course, Lupin being a purely family name, Carrie was delighted, and began by giving a long history of the Lupins. I ventured to say that I thought William a nice simple name, and reminded him he was christened after his Uncle William, who was much respected in the City. Willie, in a manner which I did not much care for, said sneeringly: âOh, I know all about thatâGood old Bill!â and helped himself to a third glass of port.
Carrie objected strongly to my saying âGood old,â but she made no remark when Willie used the double adjective. I said nothing, but looked at her, which meant more. I said: âMy dear Willie, I hope you are happy with your colleagues at the Bank.â He replied: âLupin, if you please; and with respect to the Bank, thereâs not a clerk who is a gentleman, and the âbossâ is a cad.â I felt so shocked, I could say nothing, and my instinct told me there was something wrong.
August 6, Bank Holiday.âAs there was no sign of Lupin moving at nine oâclock, I knocked at his door, and said we usually breakfasted at half-past eight, and asked how long would he be? Lupin replied that he had had a lively time of it, first with the train shaking the house all night, and then with the sun streaming in through the window in his eyes, and giving him a cracking headache. Carrie came up and asked if he would like some breakfast sent up, and he said he could do with a cup of tea, and didnât want anything to eat.
Lupin not having come down, I went up again at half-past one, and said we dined at two; he said he âwould be there.â He never came down till a quarter to three. I said: âWe have not seen much of you, and you will have to return by the 5.30 train; therefore you will have to leave in an hour, unless you go by the midnight mail.â He said: âLook here, Guvânor, itâs no use beating about the bush. Iâve tendered my resignation at the Bank.â
For a moment I could not speak. When my speech came again, I said: âHow dare you, sir? How dare you take such a serious step without consulting me? Donât answer me, sir!âyou will sit down immediately, and write a note at my dictation, withdrawing your resignation and amply apologising for your thoughtlessness.â
Imagine my dismay when he replied with a loud guffaw: âItâs no use. If you want the good old truth, Iâve got the chuck!â
August 7.âMr. Perkupp has given me leave to postpone my holiday a week, as we could not get the room. This will give us an opportunity of trying to find an appointment for Willie before we go. The ambition of my life would be to get him into Mr. Perkuppâs firm.
August 11.âAlthough it is a serious matter having our boy Lupin on our hands, still it is satisfactory to know he was asked to resign from the Bank simply because âhe took no interest in his work, and always arrived an hour (sometimes two hours) late.â We can all start off on Monday to Broadstairs with a light heart. This will take my mind off the worry of the last few days, which have been wasted over a useless correspondence with the manager of the Bank at Oldham.
August 13.âHurrah! at Broadstairs. Very nice apartments near the station. On the cliffs they would have been double the price. The landlady had a nice five oâclock dinner and tea ready, which we all enjoyed, though Lupin seemed fastidious because there happened to be a fly in the butter. It was very wet in the evening, for which I was thankful, as it was a good excuse for going to bed early. Lupin said he would sit up and read a bit.
August 14.âI was a little annoyed to find Lupin, instead of reading last night, had gone to a common sort of entertainment, given at the Assembly Rooms. I expressed my opinion that such performances were unworthy of respectable patronage; but he replied: âOh, it was only âfor one night only.â I had a fit of the blues come on, and thought I would go to see Polly Presswell, Englandâs Particular Spark.â I told him I was proud to say I had never heard of her. Carrie said: âDo let the boy alone. Heâs quite old enough to take care of himself, and wonât forget heâs a gentleman. Remember, you were young once yourself.â Rained all day hard, but Lupin would go out.
August 15.âCleared up a bit, so we all took the train to Margate, and the first person we met on the jetty was Gowing. I said: âHulloh! I thought you had gone to Barmouth with your Birmingham friends?â He said: âYes, but young Peter Lawrence was so ill, they postponed their visit, so I came down here. You know the Cummingsâ are here too?â Carrie said: âOh, that will be delightful! We must have some evenings together and have games.â
I introduced Lupin, saying: âYou will be pleased to find we have our dear boy at home!â Gowing said: âHowâs that? You donât mean to say heâs left the Bank?â
I changed the subject quickly, and thereby avoided any of those awkward questions which Gowing always has a knack of asking.
August 16.âLupin positively refused to walk down the Parade with me because I was wearing my new straw helmet with my frock-coat. I donât know what the boy is coming to.
August 17.âLupin not falling in with our views, Carrie and I went for a sail. It was a relief to be with her alone; for when Lupin irritates me, she always sides with him. On our return, he said: âOh, youâve been on the âShilling Emetic,â have you? Youâll come to six-pennorth on the âLiver Jerkerâ next.â I presume he meant a tricycle, but I affected not to understand him.
August 18.âGowing and Cummings walked over to arrange an evening at Margate. It being wet, Gowing asked Cummings to accompany him to the hotel and have a game of billiards, knowing I never play, and in fact disapprove of the game. Cummings said he must hasten back to Margate; whereupon Lupin, to my horror, said: âIâll give you a game, Gowingâa hundred up. A walk round the cloth will give me an appetite for dinner.â I said: âPerhaps Mister Gowing does not care to play with boys.â Gowing surprised me by saying: âOh yes, I do, if they play well,â and they walked off together.
August 19, Sunday.âI was about to read Lupin a sermon on smoking (which he indulges in violently) and billiards, but he put on his hat and walked out. Carrie then read me a long sermon on the palpable inadvisability of treating Lupin as if he were a mere child. I felt she was somewhat right, so in the evening I offered him a cigar. He seemed pleased, but, after a few whiffs, said: âThis is a good old tupânyâtry one of mine,â and he handed me a cigar as long as it was strong, which is saying a good deal.
August 20.âI am glad our last day at the seaside was fine, though clouded overhead. We went over to Cummingsâ (at Margate) in the evening, and as it was cold, we stayed in and played games; Gowing, as usual, overstepping the mark. He suggested we should play âCutlets,â a game we never heard of. He sat on a chair, and asked Carrie to sit on his lap, an invitation which dear Carrie rightly declined.
After some species of wrangling, I sat on Gowingâs knees and Carrie sat on the edge of mine. Lupin sat on the edge of Carrieâs lap, then Cummings on Lupinâs, and Mrs. Cummings on her husbandâs. We looked very ridiculous, and laughed a good deal.
Gowing then said: âAre you a believer in the Great Mogul?â We had to answer all together: âYesâoh, yes!â (three times). Gowing said: âSo am I,â and suddenly got up. The result of this stupid joke was that we all fell on the ground, and poor Carrie banged her head against the corner of the fender. Mrs. Cummings put some vinegar on; but through this we missed the last train, and had to drive back to Broadstairs, which cost me seven-and-sixpence.
CHAPTER VIIHome again. Mrs. Jamesâ influence on Carrie. Can get nothing for Lupin. Next-door neighbours are a little troublesome. Some one tampers with my diary. Got a place for Lupin. Lupin startles us with an announcement.
August 22.âHome sweet Home again! Carrie bought some pretty blue-wool mats to stand vases on. Fripps, Janus and Co. write to say they are sorry they have no vacancy among their staff of clerks for Lupin.
August 23.âI bought a pair of stagsâ heads made of plaster-of-Paris and coloured brown. They will look just the thing for our little hall, and give it style; the heads are excellent imitations. Poolers and Smith are sorry they have nothing to offer Lupin.
August 24.âSimply to please Lupin, and make things cheerful for him, as he is a little down, Carrie invited Mrs. James to come up from Sutton and spend two or three days with us. We have not said a word to Lupin, but mean to keep it as a surprise.
August 25.âMrs. James, of Sutton, arrived in the afternoon, bringing with her an enormous bunch of wild flowers. The more I see of Mrs. James the nicer I think she is, and she is devoted to Carrie. She went into Carrieâs room to take off her bonnet, and remained there nearly an hour talking about dress. Lupin said he was not a bit surprised at Mrs. Jamesâ visit, but was surprised at her.
August 26, Sunday.âNearly late for church, Mrs. James having talked considerably about what to wear all the morning. Lupin does not seem to get
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