Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (best selling autobiographies .txt) đ
- Author: Fyodor Dostoyevsky
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âAnd you take advantage of her fine character, eh? He-he!â
âNo, no! Oh, no! On the contrary.â
âOh, on the contrary! He-he-he! A queer thing to say!â
âBelieve me! Why should I disguise it? In fact, I feel it strange myself how timid, chaste and modern she is with me!â
âAnd you, of course, are developing her... he-he! trying to prove to her that all that modesty is nonsense?â
âNot at all, not at all! How coarsely, how stupidlyâexcuse me saying soâyou misunderstand the word development! Good heavens, how... crude you still are! We are striving for the freedom of women and you have only one idea in your head.... Setting aside the general question of chastity and feminine modesty as useless in themselves and indeed prejudices, I fully accept her chastity with me, because thatâs for her to decide. Of course if she were to tell me herself that she wanted me, I should think myself very lucky, because I like the girl very much; but as it is, no one has ever treated her more courteously than I, with more respect for her dignity... I wait in hopes, thatâs all!â
âYou had much better make her a present of something. I bet you never thought of that.â
âYou donât understand, as Iâve told you already! Of course, she is in such a position, but itâs another question. Quite another question! You simply despise her. Seeing a fact which you mistakenly consider deserving of contempt, you refuse to take a humane view of a fellow creature. You donât know what a character she is! I am only sorry that of late she has quite given up reading and borrowing books. I used to lend them to her. I am sorry, too, that with all the energy and resolution in protestingâwhich she has already shown onceâshe has little self-reliance, little, so to say, independence, so as to break free from certain prejudices and certain foolish ideas. Yet she thoroughly understands some questions, for instance about kissing of hands, that is, that itâs an insult to a woman for a man to kiss her hand, because itâs a sign of inequality. We had a debate about it and I described it to her. She listened attentively to an account of the workmenâs associations in France, too. Now I am explaining the question of coming into the room in the future society.â
âAnd whatâs that, pray?â
âWe had a debate lately on the question: Has a member of the community the right to enter another memberâs room, whether man or woman, at any time... and we decided that he has!â
âIt might be at an inconvenient moment, he-he!â
Lebeziatnikov was really angry.
âYou are always thinking of something unpleasant,â he cried with aversion. âTfoo! How vexed I am that when I was expounding our system, I referred prematurely to the question of personal privacy! Itâs always a stumbling-block to people like you, they turn it into ridicule before they understand it. And how proud they are of it, too! Tfoo! Iâve often maintained that that question should not be approached by a novice till he has a firm faith in the system. And tell me, please, what do you find so shameful even in cesspools? I should be the first to be ready to clean out any cesspool you like. And itâs not a question of self-sacrifice, itâs simply work, honourable, useful work which is as good as any other and much better than the work of a Raphael and a Pushkin, because it is more useful.â
âAnd more honourable, more honourable, he-he-he!â
âWhat do you mean by âmore honourableâ? I donât understand such expressions to describe human activity. âMore honourable,â ânoblerââall those are old-fashioned prejudices which I reject. Everything which is of use to mankind is honourable. I only understand one word: useful! You can snigger as much as you like, but thatâs so!â
Pyotr Petrovitch laughed heartily. He had finished counting the money and was putting it away. But some of the notes he left on the table. The âcesspool questionâ had already been a subject of dispute between them. What was absurd was that it made Lebeziatnikov really angry, while it amused Luzhin and at that moment he particularly wanted to anger his young friend.
âItâs your ill-luck yesterday that makes you so ill-humoured and annoying,â blurted out Lebeziatnikov, who in spite of his âindependenceâ and his âprotestsâ did not venture to oppose Pyotr Petrovitch and still behaved to him with some of the respect habitual in earlier years.
âYouâd better tell me this,â Pyotr Petrovitch interrupted with haughty displeasure, âcan you... or rather are you really friendly enough with that young person to ask her to step in here for a minute? I think theyâve all come back from the cemetery... I heard the sound of steps... I want to see her, that young person.â
âWhat for?â Lebeziatnikov asked with surprise.
âOh, I want to. I am leaving here to-day or to-morrow and therefore I wanted to speak to her about... However, you may be present during the interview. Itâs better you should be, indeed. For thereâs no knowing what you might imagine.â
âI shanât imagine anything. I only asked and, if youâve anything to say to her, nothing is easier than to call her in. Iâll go directly and you may be sure I wonât be in your way.â
Five minutes later Lebeziatnikov came in with Sonia. She came in very much surprised and overcome with shyness as usual. She was always shy in such circumstances and was always afraid of new people, she had been as a child and was even more so now.... Pyotr Petrovitch met her âpolitely and affably,â but with a certain shade of bantering familiarity which in his opinion was suitable for a man of his respectability and weight in dealing with a creature so young and so interesting as she. He hastened to âreassureâ her and made her sit down facing him at the table. Sonia sat down, looked about herâat Lebeziatnikov, at the notes lying on the table and then again at Pyotr Petrovitch and her eyes remained riveted on him. Lebeziatnikov was moving to the door. Pyotr Petrovitch signed to Sonia to remain seated and stopped Lebeziatnikov.
âIs Raskolnikov in there? Has he come?â he asked him in a whisper.
âRaskolnikov? Yes. Why? Yes, he is there. I saw him just come in.... Why?â
âWell, I particularly beg you to remain here with us and not to leave me alone with this... young woman. I only want a few words with her, but God knows what they may make of it. I shouldnât like Raskolnikov to repeat anything.... You understand what I mean?â
âI understand!â Lebeziatnikov saw the point. âYes, you are right.... Of course, I am convinced personally that you have no reason to be uneasy, but... still, you are right. Certainly Iâll stay. Iâll stand here at the window and not be in your way... I think you are right...â
Pyotr Petrovitch returned to the sofa, sat down opposite Sonia, looked attentively at her and assumed an extremely dignified, even severe expression, as much as to say, âdonât you make any mistake, madam.â Sonia was overwhelmed with embarrassment.
âIn the first place, Sofya Semyonovna, will you make my excuses to your respected mamma.... Thatâs right, isnât it? Katerina Ivanovna stands in the place of a mother to you?â Pyotr Petrovitch began with great dignity, though affably.
It was evident that his intentions were friendly.
âQuite so, yes; the place of a mother,â Sonia answered, timidly and hurriedly.
âThen will you make my apologies to her? Through inevitable circumstances I am forced to be absent and shall not be at the dinner in spite of your mammaâs kind invitation.â
âYes... Iâll tell her... at once.â
And Sonia hastily jumped up from her seat.
âWait, thatâs not all,â Pyotr Petrovitch detained her, smiling at her simplicity and ignorance of good manners, âand you know me little, my dear Sofya Semyonovna, if you suppose I would have ventured to trouble a person like you for a matter of so little consequence affecting myself only. I have another object.â
Sonia sat down hurriedly. Her eyes rested again for an instant on the grey-and-rainbow-coloured notes that remained on the table, but she quickly looked away and fixed her eyes on Pyotr Petrovitch. She felt it horribly indecorous, especially for her, to look at another personâs money. She stared at the gold eye-glass which Pyotr Petrovitch held in his left hand and at the massive and extremely handsome ring with a yellow stone on his middle finger. But suddenly she looked away and, not knowing where to turn, ended by staring Pyotr Petrovitch again straight in the face. After a pause of still greater dignity he continued.
âI chanced yesterday in passing to exchange a couple of words with Katerina Ivanovna, poor woman. That was sufficient to enable me to ascertain that she is in a positionâpreternatural, if one may so express it.â
âYes... preternatural...â Sonia hurriedly assented.
âOr it would be simpler and more comprehensible to say, ill.â
âYes, simpler and more comprehen... yes, ill.â
âQuite so. So then from a feeling of humanity and so to speak compassion, I should be glad to be of service to her in any way, foreseeing her unfortunate position. I believe the whole of this poverty-stricken family depends now entirely on you?â
âAllow me to ask,â Sonia rose to her feet, âdid you say something to her yesterday of the possibility of a pension? Because she told me you had undertaken to get her one. Was that true?â
âNot in the slightest, and indeed itâs an absurdity! I merely hinted at her obtaining temporary assistance as the widow of an official who had died in the serviceâif only she has patronage... but apparently your late parent had not served his full term and had not indeed been in the service at all of late. In fact, if there could be any hope, it would be very ephemeral, because there would be no claim for assistance in that case, far from it.... And she is dreaming of a pension already, he-he-he!... A go-ahead lady!â
âYes, she is. For she is credulous and good-hearted, and she believes everything from the goodness of her heart and... and... and she is like that... yes... You must excuse her,â said Sonia, and again she got up to go.
âBut you havenât heard what I have to say.â
âNo, I havenât heard,â muttered Sonia.
âThen sit down.â She was terribly confused; she sat down again a third time.
âSeeing her position with her unfortunate little ones, I should be glad, as I have said before, so far as lies in my power, to be of service, that is, so far as is in my power, not more. One might for instance get up a subscription for her, or a lottery, something of the sort, such as is always arranged in such cases by friends or even outsiders desirous of assisting people. It was of that I intended to speak to you; it might be done.â
âYes, yes... God will repay you for it,â faltered Sonia, gazing intently at Pyotr Petrovitch.
âIt might be, but we will talk of it later. We might begin it to-day, we will talk it over this evening and lay the foundation so to speak. Come to me at seven oâclock. Mr. Lebeziatnikov, I hope, will assist us. But there is one circumstance of which I ought to warn you beforehand and for which I venture to trouble you, Sofya Semyonovna, to come here. In my opinion money cannot be, indeed itâs unsafe to put it into Katerina Ivanovnaâs own hands. The dinner to-day is a proof of that. Though she has not, so to speak, a crust of bread for to-morrow and... well, boots or shoes, or anything; she has bought to-day Jamaica rum, and even, I believe, Madeira and... and coffee. I saw it as I passed through.
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