Martin Chuzzlewit by Charles Dickens (top novels .txt) đ
- Author: Charles Dickens
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âI aâmost forgot the piller, I declare!â said Mrs Gamp, drawing it away. âThere! Now heâs comfortable as he can be, Iâm sure! I must try to make myself as much so as I can.â
With this view, she went about the construction of an extemporaneous bed in the easy-chair, with the addition of the next easy one for her feet. Having formed the best couch that the circumstances admitted of, she took out of her bundle a yellow nightcap, of prodigious size, in shape resembling a cabbage; which article of dress she fixed and tied on with the utmost care, previously divesting herself of a row of bald old curls that could scarcely be called false, they were so very innocent of anything approaching to deception. From the same repository she brought forth a night-jacket, in which she also attired herself. Finally, she produced a watchmanâs coat which she tied round her neck by the sleeves, so that she become two people; and looked, behind, as if she were in the act of being embraced by one of the old patrol.
All these arrangements made, she lighted the rush-light, coiled herself up on her couch, and went to sleep. Ghostly and dark the room became, and full of lowering shadows. The distant noises in the streets were gradually hushed; the house was quiet as a sepulchre; the dead of might was coffined in the silent city.
Oh, weary, weary hour! Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through the past; incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present; dragging its heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels, and scenes of awful pomp; seeking but a momentâs rest among the long-forgotten haunts of childhood, and the resorts of yesterday; and dimly finding fear and horror everywhere! Oh, weary, weary hour! What were the wanderings of Cain, to these!
Still, without a momentâs interval, the burning head tossed to and fro. Still, from time to time, fatigue, impatience, suffering, and surprise, found utterance upon that rack, and plainly too, though never once in words. At length, in the solemn hour of midnight, he began to talk; waiting awfully for answers sometimes; as though invisible companions were about his bed; and so replying to their speech and questioning again.
Mrs Gamp awoke, and sat up in her bed; presenting on the wall the shadow of a gigantic night constable, struggling with a prisoner.
âCome! Hold your tongue!â she cried, in sharp reproof. âDonât make none of that noise here.â
There was no alteration in the face, or in the incessant motion of the head, but he talked on wildly.
âAh!â said Mrs Gamp, coming out of the chair with an impatient shiver; âI thought I was a-sleepinâ too pleasant to last! The devilâs in the night, I think, itâs turned so chilly!â
âDonât drink so much!â cried the sick man. âYouâll ruin us all. Donât you see how the fountain sinks? Look at the mark where the sparkling water was just now!â
âSparkling water, indeed!â said Mrs Gamp. âIâll have a sparkling cup oâ tea, I think. I wish youâd hold your noise!â
He burst into a laugh, which, being prolonged, fell off into a dismal wail. Checking himself, with fierce inconstancy he began to countâfast.
âOneâtwoâthreeâfourâfiveâsix.â
âOne, two, buckle my shoe,ââ said Mrs Gamp, who was now on her knees, lighting the fire, âthree, four, shut the door,ââI wish youâd shut your mouth, young manââfive, six, picking up sticks.â If Iâd got a few handy, I should have the kettle boiling all the sooner.â
Awaiting this desirable consummation, she sat down so close to the fender (which was a high one) that her nose rested upon it; and for some time she drowsily amused herself by sliding that feature backwards and forwards along the brass top, as far as she could, without changing her position to do it. She maintained, all the while, a running commentary upon the wanderings of the man in bed.
âThat makes five hundred and twenty-one men, all dressed alike, and with the same distortion on their faces, that have passed in at the window, and out at the door,â he cried, anxiously. âLook there! Five hundred and twenty-twoâtwenty-threeâtwenty-four. Do you see them?â
âAh! I see âem,â said Mrs Gamp; âall the whole kit of âem numbered like hackney-coaches, anât they?â
âTouch me! Let me be sure of this. Touch me!â
âYouâll take your next draught when Iâve made the kettle bile,â retorted Mrs Gamp, composedly, âand youâll be touched then. Youâll be touched up, too, if you donât take it quiet.â
âFive hundred and twenty-eight, five hundred and twenty-nine, five hundred and thirty.âLook here!â
âWhatâs the matter now?â said Mrs Gamp.
âTheyâre coming four abreast, each man with his arm entwined in the next manâs, and his hand upon his shoulder. Whatâs that upon the arm of every man, and on the flag?â
âSpiders, pâraps,â said Mrs Gamp.
âCrape! Black crape! Good God! why do they wear it outside?â
âWould you have âem carry black crape in their insides?â Mrs Gamp retorted. âHold your noise, hold your noise.â
The fire beginning by this time to impart a grateful warmth, Mrs Gamp became silent; gradually rubbed her nose more and more slowly along the top of the fender; and fell into a heavy doze. She was awakened by the room ringing (as she fancied) with a name she knew:
âChuzzlewit!â
The sound was so distinct and real, and so full of agonised entreaty, that Mrs Gamp jumped up in terror, and ran to the door. She expected to find the passage filled with people, come to tell her that the house in the city had taken fire. But the place was empty; not a soul was there. She opened the window, and looked out. Dark, dull, dingy, and desolate housetops. As she passed to her seat again, she glanced at the patient. Just the same; but silent. Mrs Gamp was so warm now, that she threw off the watchmanâs coat, and fanned herself.
âIt seemed to make the wery bottles ring,â she said. âWhat could I have been a-dreaming of? That dratted Chuffey, Iâll be bound.â
The supposition was probable enough. At any rate, a pinch of snuff, and the song of the steaming kettle, quite restored the tone of Mrs Gampâs nerves, which were none of the weakest. She brewed her tea; made some buttered toast; and sat down at the teaboard, with her face to the fire.
When once again, in a tone more terrible than that which had vibrated in her slumbering ear, these words were shrieked out:
âChuzzlewit! Jonas! No!â
Mrs Gamp dropped the cup she was in the act of raising to her lips, and turned round with a start that made the little teaboard leap. The cry had come from the bed.
It was bright morning the next time Mrs Gamp looked out of the window, and the sun was rising cheerfully. Lighter and lighter grew the sky, and noisier the streets; and high into the summer air uprose the smoke of newly kindled fires, until the busy day was broad awake.
Mrs Prig relieved punctually, having passed a good night at her other patientâs. Mr Westlock came at the same time, but he was not admitted, the disorder being infectious. The doctor came too. The doctor shook his head. It was all he could do, under the circumstances, and he did it well.
âWhat sort of a night, nurse?â
âRestless, sir,â said Mrs Gamp.
âTalk much?â
âMiddling, sir,â said Mrs Gamp.
âNothing to the purpose, I suppose?â
âOh bless you, no, sir. Only jargon.â
âWell!â said the doctor, âwe must keep him quiet; keep the room cool; give him his draughts regularly; and see that heâs carefully looked to. Thatâs all!â
âAnd as long as Mrs Prig and me waits upon him, sir, no fear of that,â said Mrs Gamp.
âI suppose,â observed Mrs Prig, when they had curtseyed the doctor out; âthereâs nothinâ new?â
âNothinâ at all, my dear,â said Mrs Gamp. âHeâs rather wearinâ in his talk from making up a lot of names; elseways you neednât mind him.â
âOh, I shanât mind him,â Mrs Prig returned. âI have somethinâ else to think of.â
âI pays my debts tonight, you know, my dear, and comes afore my time,â said Mrs Gamp. âBut, Betsy Prigââspeaking with great feeling, and laying her hand upon her armââtry the cowcumbers, God bless you!â
AN UNEXPECTED MEETING, AND A PROMISING PROSPECT
The laws of sympathy between beards and birds, and the secret source of that attraction which frequently impels a shaver of the one to be a dealer in the other, are questions for the subtle reasoning of scientific bodies; not the less so, because their investigation would seem calculated to lead to no particular result. It is enough to know that the artist who had the honour of entertaining Mrs Gamp as his first-floor lodger, united the two pursuits of barbering and bird-fancying; and that it was not an original idea of his, but one in which he had, dispersed about the by-streets and suburbs of the town, a host of rivals.
The name of the householder was Paul Sweedlepipe. But he was commonly called Poll Sweedlepipe; and was not uncommonly believed to have been so christened, among his friends and neighbours.
With the exception of the staircase, and his lodgerâs private apartment, Poll Sweedlepipeâs house was one great birdâs nest. Gamecocks resided in the kitchen; pheasants wasted the brightness of their golden plumage on the garret; bantams roosted in the cellar; owls had possession of the bedroom; and specimens of all the smaller fry of birds chirrupped and twittered in the shop. The staircase was sacred to rabbits. There in hutches of all shapes and kinds, made from old packing-cases, boxes, drawers, and tea-chests, they increased in a prodigious degree, and contributed their share towards that complicated whiff which, quite impartially, and without distinction of persons, saluted every nose that was put into Sweedlepipeâs easy shaving-shop.
Many noses found their way there, for all that, especially on Sunday morning, before church-time. Even archbishops shave, or must be shaved, on a Sunday, and beards WILL grow after twelve oâclock on Saturday night, though it be upon the chins of base mechanics; who, not being able to engage their valets by the quarter, hire them by the job, and pay themâoh, the wickedness of copper coin!âin dirty pence. Poll Sweedlepipe, the sinner, shaved all comers at a penny each, and cut the hair of any customer for twopence; and being a lone unmarried man, and having some connection in the bird line, Poll got on tolerably well.
He was a little elderly man, with a clammy cold right hand, from which even rabbits and birds could not remove the smell of shaving-soap. Poll had something of the bird in his nature; not of the hawk or eagle, but of the sparrow, that builds in chimney-stacks and inclines to human company. He was not quarrelsome, though, like the sparrow; but peaceful, like the dove. In his walk he strutted; and, in this respect, he bore a faint resemblance to the pigeon, as well as in a certain prosiness of speech, which might, in its monotony, be likened to the cooing of that bird. He was very inquisitive; and when he stood at his shop-door in the evening-tide, watching the neighbours, with his head on one side, and his eye cocked knowingly, there was a dash of the raven in him. Yet there was no more wickedness in Poll than in a robin. Happily, too, when any of his ornithological properties were on the verge of going too far, they were quenched, dissolved, melted down, and neutralised in the barber; just as his bald
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