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(135) The American Prohibitory Bill,  To Prevent Trade And

Intercourse Between The American Colonies And Great Britain And The

West Indies.

 

 

 

 

 

(1775?) Dec. 19,  Tuesday.--I Write To You Before Dinner,  And Before

I Have All The Opportunities Which I Might Have Before Night Of

Sending You News,  For Fear That It Should Happen As It Did Last

Saturday,  That I Fall Asleep,  And So Let Pass The Hour Of The Post.

The Cold Drives Me To The Fire,  And The Fire Into A Profound Nap,  In

Which Every Earthly Thing Is Forgot; But It Shall Happen No More,

That A Post Goes Without Something To Indicate My Existence.

 

Last Night And The Night Before I Supped At Lady Betty Stanley'S.

Their Suppers Are Magnificent,  But Their Hours Are Abominably Late;

However,  They Do Not Discourage My Lord Of Worcester From Staying

Them Out. We Are Very Merry,  All Of Us,  And I Think Mrs. North The

Merriest Of Us All. At 2 This Morning,  The Bishop And I Were Almost

Left Alone; The Rest Of The Company Were In Their Domino'S,  And

Going To The Masquerade. I Have Seen Nobody To-Day To Tell Me What

Passed There.

 

I Have Been With Mie Mie At Gainsborough'S,(136) To Finish Her

Picture. I Thank You For Inquiring After Her; It Has Been One Of My

Comforts That She Has Escaped Any Of These Colds. She Seems To Grow

Very Strong; So Far,  So Good.

 

Sir G(Eorge) M'Cartney And Lady Holl(An)D Dined Here Yesterday,  And

We Had The Contrivance To Keep Our Party A Secret From Craufurd,

For,  Although He Was Engaged To Two Other Places,  He Told March That

He Should Have Been Glad To Have Come,  And Certainly Would,  If He

Had Known It. I Think Verily He Grows More Tiresome Every Day,  And

Everybody'S Patience Is A Bout,  Except Smith'S And Sir George'S.

 

Sir G(Eorge) Has Been Telling Me To-Day,  That Lord Stormont Is

Coming From France,  And Is To Have Lord Marchmont'S Place,  Who Is

Satisfied By The Peerage Of His Son,  And That Lord Harcourt Will

Stay But A Very Little While Longer In Ireland. This Must Produce In

All Probability Other Removes.

 

I Dine To-Morrow With Lord Gower,  Lady G(Ower),  Lord And Lady

Waldegrave,  L'Ambassadeur,  And Monsr. Tessier,  At Bedford House. I

Shall Know,  Perhaps,  Something More Of This Then. Her Grace Has

Suppers For The Class I Dine With To-Day,  But I Am Not Of Them.

Chapter 21 Pg 161

Monsieur Tessier Is To Read To The Queen,  And Till Then,  Will Read

No More; He Goes Down To Pass His Xmas At Wilton. I Wish,  For Lady

Carlisle'S Entertainment,  That You Had Him For Two Or Three Days,  At

Castle H.

 

I Should,  With Your Approbation,  Have Been Glad To Have Carried Him

With Me. I Shall Be Glad To Bring Anybody,  But I Have No Prospect,

But Of John St. John. Storer Tells Me That He Goes To The Bath. Eden

Would Be Excessively Happy To Go,  If It Was For A Few Days Only,  But

His Attendance At This Time Seems Scarcely To Be Dispensed With. Our

Last News From America Are Certainly Not Good,  But It Does Not Alter

My Expectations Of What Will Be The Issue Of The Next Campaign. It

Is A Great Cause Of Amusement To Charles,  But I See No Good To Him

Likely To Come From It In The End.

 

I Wish To Know,  If I Could,  Precisely Your Time Of Leaving Castle

H(Oward). I Should Be Glad To Contrive It,  So As To Return With You.

You Will Be Here For The Trial,(137) I Take For Granted. It Will Be

Alto "So

Damned Sweet."

 

"It'S Damned Good To See You," He Replied Gruffly. "Come On While I

Check This Bag. I'Ve Only Got A Little Over Two Hours,  Cynthia; I'Ve

Got To Get The Five-Ten Back. My Folks Will Be In Haydensville To-Morrow

Morning,  And I'Ve Got To Get Back To Meet Them."

 

Her Face Clouded For An Instant,  But She Tucked Her Arm Gaily In His And

Marched With Him Across The Rotunda To The Checking Counter. When Hugh

Had Disposed Of His Bag,  He Suggested That They Go To A Little Tea Room

On Fifty-Seventh Street. She Agreed Without Argument. Once They Were In

A Taxi,  She Wanted To Snuggle Down Into His Arm,  But She Restrained

Herself; She Felt That She Had To Play Fair.

 

Hugh Said Nothing. He Was Trying To Think,  And His Thoughts Whirled

Around In a Mad,  Drunken Dance. He Believed That He Would Be Married

Before He Took The Train Back,  At Least Engaged,  And What Would All That

Mean? Did He Want To Get Married? God! He Didn'T Know.

 

When At Last They Were Settled In a Corner Of The Empty Tea-Room And Had

Given Their Order,  They Talked In an Embarrassed Fashion About Their

Recent Letters,  Both Of Them Carefully Quiet And Restrained. Finally

Hugh Shoved His Plate And Cup Aside And Looked Straight At Her For The

First Time. She Was Thin,  Much Thinner Than She Had Been A Year Ago,  But

There Was Something Sweeter About Her,  Too; She Seemed So Quiet,  So

Gentle.

 

"We Aren'T Going To Get Anywhere This Way,  Cynthia," He Said

Desperately. "We'Re Both Evading. I Haven'T Any Sense Left,  But What I

Say From Now On I Am Going To Say Straight Out. I Swore On The Train

That I Wouldn'T Kiss You. I Knew That I Wouldn'T Be Able To Think If I

Did--And I Can'T; All I Know Is That I Want To Kiss You Again." He

Looked At Her Sitting Across The Little Table From Him,  So Slender And

Still--A Different Cynthia But Damnably Desirable. "Cynthia," He Added

Hoarsely,  "If You Took My Hand,  You Could Lead Me To Hell."

 

She In Turn Looked At Him. He Was Much Older Than He Had Been A Year

Chapter 21 Pg 162

Before. Then He Had Been A Boy; Now He Seemed A Man. He Had Not Changed

Particularly; He Was As Blond And Young And Clean As Ever,  But There Was

Something About His Mouth And Eyes,  Something More Serious And More

Stern,  That Made Him Seem Years Older.

 

"I Don'T Want To Lead You To Hell,  Honey," She Replied Softly. "I Left

Prom Last Year So That I Wouldn'T Do That. I Told You Then That I Wasn'T

Good For You--But I'M Different Now."

 

"I Can See That. I Don'T Know What It Is,  But You'Re Different,  Awfully

Different." He Leaned Forward Suddenly. "Cynthia,  Shall We Go Over To

Jersey And Get Married? I Understand That One Can There Right Away.

We'Re Both Of Age--"

 

"Wait,  Hugh; Wait." Cynthia'S Hands Were Tightly Clasped In Her Lap.

"Are You Sure That You Want To? I'Ve Been Thinking A Lot Since I Got

Your Telegram. Are You Sure You Love Me?"

 

He Slumped Back Into His Chair. "I Don'T Know What Love Is," He

Confessed Miserably. "I Can'T Find Out." Cynthia'S Hands Tightened In

Her Lap. "I'Ve Tried To Think This Business Out,  And I Can'T. I Haven'T

Any Right To Ask You To Marry Me. I Haven'T Any Money,  Not A Bit,  And

I'M Not Prepared To Do Anything,  Either. As I Wrote You,  My Folks Want

Me To Go To Harvard Next Year." The Mention Of His Poverty And Of His

Inability To Support A Wife Brought Him Back To Something Approaching

Normal Again. "I Suppose I'M Just A Kid,  Cynthia," He Added More

Quietly,  "But Sometimes I Feel A Thousand Years Old. I Do Right Now."

 

"What Were Your Plans For Next Year And After That Until You Saw Me?"

Her Eyes Searched His.

 

"Oh,  I Thought I'D Go To Harvard A Year Or Two And Then Try To Write Or

Perhaps Teach. Writing Is Slow Business,  I Understand,  And Teaching

Doesn'T Pay Anything. I Don'T Want To Ask My Father To Support Us,  And I

Won'T Let Your Folks. I Lost My Head When I Suggested That We Get

Married. It Would Be Foolish. I Haven'T The Right."

 

"No," She Agreed Slowly; "No,  Neither Of Us Has The Right. I Thought

Before You Came If You Asked Me To Marry You--I Was Sure Someor Conquering America,  Without Foreign Troops,  It Is Entirely

Impossible; And I Think It Pretty Near A Certainty That The Rebels

Will Be In Possession Of All America By The Spring. By The News Of

Fort St. John'S And Chambley,  And The Investiture Of Quebec,  Their

Diligence And Activity Is Wonderful,  And It Must End In The

Possession Of All N(Orth) Am(Erica). They Have Taken A Store-Ship,

And Have Several Ships At Sea. De Peu A Peu Nous Arrivons; If They

Go On So Another Year--Fuit Ilium Et Ingens Gloria--We Shall Make

But A Paltry Figure In The Eye Of Europe. Come To Town,  And Be

Witness To The Fall,  Or The Re-Establishment,  Of Our Puissant

Empire. . . .

 

 

 

 

Little Of Selwyn'S Correspondence In 1776 And 1777 Has Been

Preserved. Possibly He Wrote Less,  And Made A Long Stay At Castle

Howard. "I Have More Bon Jours And Bon Soirs For Her En Poche,"

Referring To His Little Child-Friend,  Caroline Howard,  "Than I Shall

Chapter 21 Pg 163

Be Able To Give Her During The Whole Time I Shall Stay At Castle H."

For The Despatch Of Political News He Trusted,  As He Often Did,  To

Storer. "I Hope That Storer Gives You A More Particular Account Of

What Is Said In The House Than I Can Do. What Is He Employing

Himself About? Why Won'T He Attempt To Say Something? What

Signifies,  Knowing What Cicero Said And How He Said It,  If A Man

Cannot Open His Mouth To Deliver One Sentence Of His Own?" But

Storer,  Like Many Able And Cultivated Men,  Was More Critical Of His

Own Powers Than Those Who Want Both Talent And Knowledge. He Was

Not,  However,  Altogether Neglectful Of Selwyn'S Wishes,  And He

Presently Sent Carlisle Some Political News,  But Of No Great

Interest.

 

Selwyn Himself Was In Somewhat Low Spirits,  He Was As We Know

Troubled By Mie Mie'S Parents,  And He Longed For The Society Of

Carlisle And His Family.

 

 

 

 

(1777,  Feb.) Tuesday Night.--. . . As To My Own Situation I Cannot

Say It Is A Happy (One),  Although I Have So Much More Than I Could

Have Expected. I Have,  Indeed,  For The Present All I Ever Wished,

But I Have Also The Strongest Assurances Given Me That At All Events

Things Shall Continue For Some Time In The State In Which They Now

Are.

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