Roughing It by Mark Twain (read with me .txt) 📖

And it came to pass that when
they were all gathered together, every one to the army which he
would, with their wives and their children; both men, women, and
children being armed with weapons of war, having shields, and
breast-plates, and head-plates, and being clothed after the manner
of war, they did march forth one against another, to battle; and
they fought all that day, and conquered not. And it came to pass
that when it was night they were weary, and retired to their camps;
and after they had retired to their camps, they took up a howling
and a lamentation for the loss of the slain of their people; and so
great were their cries, their howlings and lamentations, that it did
rend the air exceedingly. And it came to pass that on the morrow
they did go again to battle, and great and terrible was that day;
nevertheless they conquered not, and when the night came again, they
did rend the air with their cries, and their howlings, and their
mournings, for the loss of the slain of their people.

8. And it came to pass that Coriantumr wrote again an epistle unto
Shiz, desiring that he would not come again to battle, but that he
would take the kingdom, and spare the lives of the people. But
behold, the Spirit of the Lord had ceased striving with them, and
Satan had full power over the hearts of the people, for they were
given up unto the hardness of their hearts, and the blindness of
their minds that they might be destroyed; wherefore they went again
to battle. And it came to pass that they fought all that day, and
when the night came they slept upon their swords; and on the morrow
they fought even until the night came; and when the night came they
were drunken with anger, even as a man who is drunken with wine; and
they slept again upon their swords; and on the morrow they fought
again; and when the night came they had all fallen by the sword save
it were fifty and two of the people of Coriantumr, and sixty and
nine of the people of Shiz. And it came to pass that they slept
upon their swords that night, and on the morrow they fought again,
and they contended in their mights with their swords, and with their
shields, all that day; and when the night came there were thirty and
two of the people of Shiz, and twenty and seven of the people of
Coriantumr.

9. And it came to pass that they ate and slept, and prepared for
death on the morrow. And they were large and mighty men, as to the
strength of men. And it came to pass that they fought for the space
of three hours, and they fainted with the loss of blood. And it
came to pass that when the men of Coriantumr had received sufficient
strength, that they could walk, they were about to flee for their
lives, but behold, Shiz arose, and also his men, and he swore in his
wrath that he would slay Coriantumr, or he would perish by the
sword: wherefore he did pursue them, and on the morrow he did
overtake them; and they fought again with the sword. And it came to
pass that when they had all fallen by the sword, save it were
Coriantumr and Shiz, behold Shiz had fainted with loss of blood.
And it came to pass that when Coriantumr had leaned upon his sword,
that he rested a little, he smote off the head of Shiz. And it came
to pass that after he had smote off the head of Shiz, that Shiz
raised upon his hands and fell; and after that he had struggled for
breath, he died. And it came to pass that Coriantumr fell to the
earth, and became as if he had no life. And the Lord spake unto
Ether, and said unto him, go forth. And he went forth, and beheld
that the words of the Lord had all been fulfilled; and he finished
his record; and the hundredth part I have not written.

It seems a pity he did not finish, for after all his dreary former chapters of commonplace, he stopped just as he was in danger of becoming interesting.

The Mormon Bible is rather stupid and tiresome to read, but there is nothing vicious in its teachings. Its code of morals is unobjectionable -it is "smouched" [Milton] from the New Testament and no credit given.


CHAPTER XVII.

At the end of our two days' sojourn, we left Great Salt Lake City hearty and well fed and happy-physically superb but not so very much wiser, as regards the "Mormon question," than we were when we arrived, perhaps. We had a deal more "information" than we had before, of course, but we did not know what portion of it was reliable and what was not-for it all came from acquaintances of a day-strangers, strictly speaking. We were told, for instance, that the dreadful "Mountain Meadows Massacre" was the work of the Indians entirely, and that the Gentiles had meanly tried to fasten it upon the Mormons; we were told, likewise, that the Indians were to blame, partly, and partly the Mormons; and we were told, likewise, and just as positively, that the Mormons were almost if not wholly and completely responsible for that most treacherous and pitiless butchery. We got the story in all these different shapes, but it was not till several years afterward that Mrs. Waite's book, "The Mormon Prophet," came out with Judge Cradlebaugh's trial of the accused parties in it and revealed the truth that the latter version was the correct one and that the Mormons were the assassins. All our "information" had three sides to it, and so I gave up the idea that I could settle the "Mormon question" in two days. Still I have seen newspaper correspondents do it in one.

I left Great Salt Lake a good deal confused as to what state of things existed there-and sometimes even questioning in my own mind whether a state of things existed there at all or not. But presently I remembered with a lightening sense of relief that we had learned two or three trivial things there which we could be certain of; and so the two days were not wholly lost. For instance, we had learned that we were at last in a pioneer land, in absolute and tangible reality.

The high prices charged for trifles were eloquent of high freights and bewildering distances of freightage. In the east, in those days, the smallest moneyed denomination was a penny and it represented the smallest purchasable quantity of any commodity. West of Cincinnati the smallest coin in use was the silver five-cent piece and no smaller quantity of an article could be bought than "five cents' worth." In Overland City the lowest coin appeared to be the ten-cent piece; but in Salt Lake there did not seem to be any money in circulation smaller than a quarter, or any smaller quantity purchasable of any commodity than twenty-five cents' worth. We had always been used to half dimes and "five cents' worth" as the minimum of financial negotiations; but in Salt Lake if one wanted a cigar, it was a quarter; if he wanted a chalk pipe, it was a quarter; if he wanted a peach, or a candle, or a newspaper, or a shave, or a little Gentile whiskey to rub on his corns to arrest indigestion and keep him from having the toothache, twenty-five cents was the price, every time. When we looked at the shot-bag of silver, now and then, we seemed to be wasting our substance in riotous living, but if we referred to the expense account we could see that we had not been doing anything of the kind.

But people easily get reconciled to big money and big prices, and fond and vain of both-it is a descent to little coins and cheap prices that is hardest to bear and slowest to take hold upon one's toleration. After a month's acquaintance with the twenty-five cent minimum, the average human being is ready to blush every time he thinks of his despicable five-cent days. How sunburnt with blushes I used to get in gaudy Nevada, every time I thought of my first financial experience in Salt Lake. It was on this wise (which is a favorite expression of great authors, and a very neat one, too, but I never hear anybody say on this wise when they are talking). A young half-breed with a complexion like a yellow-jacket asked me if I would have my boots blacked. It was at the Salt Lake House the morning after we arrived. I said yes, and he blacked them. Then I handed him a silver five-cent piece, with the benevolent air of a person who is conferring wealth and blessedness upon poverty and suffering. The yellow-jacket took it with what I judged to be suppressed emotion, and laid it reverently down in the middle of his broad hand. Then he began to contemplate it, much as a philosopher contemplates a gnat's ear in the ample field of his microscope. Several mountaineers, teamsters, stage-drivers, etc., drew near and dropped into the tableau and fell to surveying the money with that attractive indifference to formality which is noticeable in the hardy pioneer. Presently the yellow-jacket handed the half dime back to me and told me I ought to keep my money in my pocket-book instead of in my soul, and then I wouldn't get it