Riddles and Jokes by Lauren A.K.A. mystery.butterfly (best contemporary novels TXT) 📖

1. What is...

Black when you buy it,

Red when you use it,

And white when you're done with it?

2. What is...

the beginning of the end,

the end of time and space,

and used everyday?

3. If 1=5, 2=15, 3=30, 4=50, 5=?


4. Mary is the sister-in-law of my dad's only
brother. Who is Mary to me?

a. Grandma b. Cousin c. Sister

d. Aunt e. Mother f. Unrelated

5. If there are 6 sisters in a family, each
with 1 brother, how many children are there
in the family altogether?

6. Mary's father has 5 daughters. First is Nana,
second is Nene, third is Nini, and forth is
Nuno. What is the name of his fifth daughter?

7. How did the Evil Computer Escape From Jail?

8. COMING SOON!!

1. Knock-Knock

Who's There?

Ach

Ach Who?

Bless you

2. Knock-Knock

Who's There?

Boo

Boo Who?

Gee, you didn't have to cry

3. Knock-Knock

Who's There?

Doctor

(they should be able to get the joke there)

4. COMING SOON

1. So there was this guy.
He isn't very wise.

One day his boss wanted him to sell oranges.

And his first Customer Comes.

He asks " Hey, what are selling?"

The guy says " Uh... um... I don't know."

So the guy goes to his boss to ask him what was he selling.

The Boss Tells him " Oranges, you idiot! Oranges!"

So the guy tells the customer " Oranges, you idiot! Oranges!"

And then his next customer comes

He asks " What are you selling?"

The guy tells him " Oranges, you idiot! Oranges!"

Then the he asks " How fresh are they?"

The guy says " Uh... um... I don't know."

So the guy goes to his boss to ask him how fresh were they.

The Boss Tells him " Fresh, very Fresh."

So the guy tells the customer " Fresh, very Fresh."

And thus his next customer comes.

She asks " What are you selling?"

The guy tells her " Oranges, you idiot! Oranges!"

She(while being slightly offended)asks " How fresh are they?"

The guy tells her " Fresh, very Fresh."

Then she asks " How much do they cost?"

The guy says " Uh... um... I don't know."

So the guy goes to his boss to ask him what was he selling cost.

The Boss Tells him " Only 4"

So the guy tells the customer " Only 4"

And here comes another customer

She asks " What are you selling?"

The guy tells her " Oranges, you idiot! Oranges!"

Then she asks " How fresh are they?"

The guy tells her " Fresh, very Fresh."

And the she asks " How much do they cost?"

The guy says " Only 4"

And lastly the lady asks " Where are they?"

The guy says " Uh... um... I don't know."

So he goes to his boss to ask where this are.

His boss tells him " Over there in that crate."

And thus the guy tells her " Over there in that crate."

And then a kid comes by.

" Hey dude, what you sellin'?"

The guy tells him " Oranges, you idiot! Oranges!"

The kid asks " You being fresh with me?!"

The guy replies " Fresh, very Fresh."

Then the kid asks " How old are you!?"

The guy tells him " Only 4"

Lastly, the kid asks " Where are ya brains?!?"

The guy tells him " Over there in that crate."

2. So 5 aliens go to Earth.

They didn't know English.

They each got a job or stayed in a place and learned a phrase.

The First Alien got a job at a music shop.

And learned how to say, " Mi mi mi mi miiii!"

The Second Alien got a job at a restaurant.

And learned how to say, " Forks and Knives, Forks and Knives."

The Third Alien got a job at a Candy store.

And learned how to say, " He stole my lolipop!"

The Forth Alien got a job at a Rock & Roll shop

And learned how to say, " Boo ya!"

The Fifth Alien got a job as a extra in a horror movie.

And learned how to say, " Help me!"

After the job, the Aliens was walking around and passed by a dead body.

The Fifth Alien said, " Help me!"

Soon the police came.

One of the officers asked, " Who did this?"

The First Alien said, " Mi mi mi mi miiii!"

Then the officer asked, " How did you do this?"

The Second Alien said, " Forks and Knives, Forks and Knives."

" Why did you do this?"

The Third Alien said, " He stole my lolipop!"

" You all are going to jail."

The Forth Alien said, " Boo ya!"

" Aren't You supposed to be sad?"

The Fifth Alien said " Help me!"


3. TO BE CONTINUED...

1. Which Garden Has the Most Vegetables?


The Flash Garden.

2. What did the Noodles say to the Butter?


Don't try to Butter Me Up!

3. What Did the Little Boy Tell the Game Warden?


His Dad was in the Kitchen Poaching Eggs!

4. What do you Call a Chicken Crossing the Road?


Poultry in Motion.

5. What did the Grass Seed Say to the Ball field?


I want to Root for You.

6. How do You Shoot a Killer-Bee?


With a Bee-Bee Gun.

7. Why is the Baker so Mean?


Because He Beats the Bread

8. What is a Fish's Favorite Country?


Finland

9. TO BE CONTINUED...

Text: I got these jokes from friends, the internet, etc.
Images: i found this on Google or something, who ever made or took this picture, it is their's.
Editing: Me, maybe my friends, or possibly you!
Translation: dunno
Publication Date: 08-19-2012

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
for you, for me, and my pet fish jk :)