Baboo Jabberjee, B.A. by F. Anstey (pocket ebook reader TXT) 📖
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THE WAYFARER'S LIBRARY
BABOO JABBERJEE, B.A.
F. Anstey
J. M. DENT & SONS, Ltd.
LONDON
CONTENTS
PAGE
I
Mr Jabberjee apologises for the unambitious scope of his work; sundry confidences, criticisms, and complaints.
1
II
Some account of Mr Jabberjee's experiences at the Westminster Play.
9
III
Mr Jabberjee gives his views concerning the Laureateship.
18
IV
Containing Mr Jabberjee's Impressions at The Old Masters.
24
V
In which Mr Jabberjee expresses his Opinions on Bicycling as a Pastime.
33
VI
Dealing with his Adventures at Olympia.
42
VII
How Mr Jabberjee risked a Sprat to capture something very like a Whale.
50
VIII
How Mr Jabberjee delivered an Oration at a Ladies' Debating Club.
60
IX
How he saw the practice of the University Crews, and what he thought of it.
69
X
Mr Jabberjee is taken to see a Glove-Fight.
75
XI
Mr Jabberjee finds himself in a position of extreme delicacy.
80
XII
Mr Jabberjee is taken by surprise.
88
XIII
Drawbacks and advantages of being engaged. Some Meditations in a Music-hall, together with notes of certain things that Mr Jabberjee failed to understand.
96
XIV
Mr Jabberjee's fellow-student. What's in a Title? An invitation to a Wedding. Mr J. as a wedding guest, with what he thought of the ceremony, and how he distinguished himself on the occasion.
105
XV
Mr Jabberjee is asked out to dinner. Unreasonable behaviour of his betrothed. His doubts concerning the social advantages of a Boarding Establishment, with some scathing remarks upon ambitious pretenders. He goes out to dinner, and meets a person of some importance.
114
XVI
Mr Jabberjee makes a pilgrimage to the Shrine of Shakespeare.
125
XVII
Containing some intimate confidences from Mr Jabberjee, with the explanation of such apparent indiscretion.
135
XVIII
Mr Jabberjee is a little over-ingenious in his excuses.
138
XIX
Mr Jabberjee tries a fresh tack. His visit to the India Office and sympathetic reception.
146
XX
Mr Jabberjee distinguishes himself in the Bar Examination, but is less successful in other respects. He writes another extremely ingenious epistle, from which he anticipates the happiest results.
155
XXI
Mr Jabberjee halloos before he is quite out of the Wood.
164
XXII
Mr Jabberjee places himself in the hands of a solicitor—with certain reservations.
173
XXIII
Mr Jabberjee delivers his Statement of Defence, and makes his preparations for the North. He allows his patriotic sentiments to get the better of him in a momentary outburst of disloyalty—to which no serious importance need be attached.
182
XXIV
Mr Jabberjee relates his experiences upon the Moors.
190
XXV
Mr Jabberjee concludes the thrilling account of his experiences on a Scotch Moor, greatly to his own glorification.
199
XXVI
Mr Jabberjee expresses some audaciously sceptical opinions. How he secured his first Salmon, with the manner in which he presented it to his divinity.
207
XXVII
Mr Jabberjee is unavoidably compelled to return to town, thereby affording his Solicitor the inestimable benefit of his personal assistance. An apparent attempt to pack the Jury.
216
XXVIII
Mankletow v. Jabberjee. Notes taken by Mr Jabberjee in Court during the proceedings.
225
XXIX
Further proceedings in the Case of Mankletow v. Jabberjee. Mr Jabberjee's Opening for the Defence.
235
XXX
Mankletow v. Jabberjee (part heard). Mr Jabberjee finds cross-examination much less formidable than he had anticipated.
245
XXXI
Mankletow v. Jabberjee (continued). The Defendant brings his Speech to a somewhat unexpected conclusion, and Mr Witherington, Q.C., addresses the Jury in reply.
255
XXXII
Containing the conclusion of the whole matter, and (which many Readers will receive in a spirit of chastened resignation) Mr Jabberjee's final farewell.
265
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
PAGE
"Unaccustomed to dark-complexioned gentlemen."
FrontispieceBaboo Hurry Bungsho Jabberjee, B.A. viii
"Let out! Let out!!" 5
"A golden-headed umbrella, fresh as a rose." 15
"Miss Jessimina Mankletow." 25
"I instantaneously endured the total upset!" 37
"With a large, stout constable." 47
"Was accosted by a polite, agreeable stranger." 51
"A weedy, tall male gentleman." 61
"A beaming simper of indescribable suavity." 81
"I became once more the silent tomb." 91
"In garbage of unparagoned shabbiness." 99
"The spectators saluted me with shouts of joy as the returned Shahzadar." 107
"Some haughty masculine might insult her under my very nose." 115
"It was here," I said, reverently, "that the swan of Avon was hatched!" 129
"Ascended his bicycle with a waggish winkle in his eye." 141
"Pitch it strong, my respectable Sir!" 151
"Huzza! Tol-de-rol-loll!" 157
"A royal command from the Queen-Empress." 169
"Would be greatly improved by the simple addition of some knee-caps." 179
"I am addressed by an underbred street-urchin as a 'Blooming Blacky!'" 187
"Of incredible bashfulness and bucolical appearance." 191
"I presented my trophy and treasure-trove to the fairylike Miss Wee-Wee." 203
"Whether he had wha-haed wi' hon'ble Wallace?" 209
Baboo Chuckerbutty Ram. 219
"Fresh as a daisy, and fine as a carrot fresh scraped." 227
Mr Justice Honeygall. 237
Witherington, Q.C. 247
"Jabberjee's face gradually lengthens." 261
The text and illustrations of this book are reproduced by kind permission of the Proprietors of Punch.
INTRODUCTORY LETTER FROM BABOO JABBERJEE.
To the Hon'ble —— Punch.
Venerable and Ludicrous Sir.—Permit me most respectfully to bring beneath your notice a proposal which I serenely anticipate will turn up trumps under the fructifying sunshine of your esteemed approbation.
Sir, I am an able B.A. of a respectable Indian University, now in this country for purposes of being crammed through Inns of Court and Law Exam., and rendering myself a completely fledged Pleader or Barrister in the Native Bar of the High Court.
Since my sojourn here, I have accomplished the laborious perusal of your transcendent and tip-top periodical, and, hoity toity! I am like a duck in thunder with admiring wonderment at the drollishness and jocosity with which your paper is ready to burst in its pictorial department. But, alack! when I turn my critical attention to the literary contents, I am met with a lamentable deficiency and no great shakes, for I note there the fly in the ointment and hiatus valde deflendus—to wit the utter absenteeism of a correct and classical style in English composition.
To the highly educated native gentleman who searches your printed articles, hoping fondly to find himself in a well of English pure and undefiled, it proves merely to fish in the air. Conceive, Sir, the disgustful result to one saturated to the skin of his teeth in best English masterpieces of immaculate and moderately good prose extracts and dramatic passages, published with notes for the use of the native student, at weltering in a hotchpot and hurley-burley of arbitrarily distorted and very vulgarised cockneydoms and purely London provincialities, which must be of necessity to him as casting pearls before a swine!
And I have the honour to inform you of a number of cultivated lively young native B.A.'s, both here and in my country, who are quite capable to appreciate really fine writing
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