Mr. Dooley's Philosophy by Finley Peter Dunne (parable of the sower read online TXT) ๐
- Author: Finley Peter Dunne
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MR. DOOLEY'S PHILOSOPHY By Finley Peter Dunne
(Illustrations not available in this edition)
PREFACE
The reporter of these monologues would apologize for the frequent reappearances of Mr. Dooley, if he felt the old gentleman would appreciate an apology in his behalf. But Mr. Dooley has none of the modesty that has been described as โan invention for protection against envy,โ because unlike that one of his distinguished predecessors who discovered this theory to excuse his own imperfect but boastful egotism, he recognizes no such human failing as envy. Most of the papers in the present collection of the sayings of this great and learned man have appeared in the press of America and England. This will account for the fact that they deal with subjects that have pressed hard upon the minds of newspaper readers, statesmen, and tax-payers during the year. To these utterances have been added a number of obiter dicta by the philosopher, which, perhaps, will be found to have the reminiscent flavor that appertains to the observations of all learned judges when they are off the bench.
In some cases the sketches have been remodeled and care has been taken to correct typographical blunders, except where they seemed to improve the text. In this connection the writer must offer his profound gratitude to the industrious typographer, who often makes two jokes grow where only one grew before, and has added generously to the distress of amateur elocutionists.
F. P. D.
CONTENTS
PREFACE
A BOOK REVIEW
AMERICANS ABROAD
SERVANT GIRL PROBLEM
THE TRANSVAAL
WAR AND WAR MAKERS
UNDERESTIMATING THE ENEMY
THE WAR EXPERT
MODERN EXPLOSIVES
THE CHINESE SITUATION
MINISTER WU
THE FUTURE OF CHINA
PLATFORM MAKING
THE YACHT RACES
POLYGAMY
PUBLIC FICKLENESS
KENTUCKY POLITICS
YOUNG ORATORY
PUBLIC GRATITUDE
MARRIAGE AND POLITICS
ALCOHOL AS FOOD
HIGH FINANCE
THE PARIS EXPOSITION
CHRISTIAN JOURNALISM
THE ADMIRAL'S CANDIDACY
CUSTOMS OF KENTUCKY
A SOCIETY SCANDAL
DOINGS OF ANARCHISTS
ANGLO-AMERICAN SPORTS
VOICES FROM THE TOMB
The NEGRO PROBLEM
The AMERICAN STAGE
TROUBLES OF A CANDIDATE
A BACHELOR'S LIFE
THE EDUCATION OF THE YOUNG
โL'AIGLONโ
CASUAL OBSERVATIONS
A BOOK REVIEW
โWell sir,โ said Mr. Dooley, โI jus' got hold iv a book, Hinnissy, that suits me up to th' handle, a gran' book, th' grandest iver seen. Ye know I'm not much throubled be lithrachoor, havin' manny worries iv me own, but I'm not prejudiced again' books. I am not. Whin a rale good book comes along I'm as quick as anny wan to say it isn't so bad, an' this here book is fine. I tell ye 'tis fine.โ
โWhat is it?โ Mr. Hennessy asked languidly.
โ'Tis 'Th' Biography iv a Hero be Wan who Knows.' 'Tis 'Th' Darin' Exploits iv a Brave Man be an Actual Eye Witness.' 'Tis 'Th' Account iv th' Desthruction iv Spanish Power in th' Ant Hills,' as it fell fr'm th' lips iv Tiddy Rosenfelt an' was took down be his own hands. Ye see 'twas this way, Hinnissy, as I r-read th' book. Whin Tiddy was blowed up in th' harbor iv Havana he instantly con-cluded they must be war. He debated th' question long an' earnestly an' fin'lly passed a jint resolution declarin' war. So far so good. But there was no wan to carry it on. What shud he do? I will lave th' janial author tell th' story in his own wurruds.
โ'Th' sicrety iv war had offered me,' he says, 'th' command of a rig'mint,' he says, 'but I cud not consint to remain in Tampa while perhaps less audacious heroes was at th' front,' he says. 'Besides,' he says, 'I felt I was incompetent f'r to command a rig'mint raised be another,' he says. 'I detarmined to raise wan iv me own,' he says. 'I selected fr'm me acquaintances in th' West,' he says, 'men that had thravelled with me acrost th' desert an' th' storm-wreathed mountain,' he says, 'sharin' me burdens an' at times confrontin' perils almost as gr-reat as anny that beset me path,' he says. 'Together we had faced th' turrors iv th' large but vilent West,' he says, 'an' these brave men had seen me with me trusty rifle shootin' down th' buffalo, th' elk, th' moose, th' grizzly bear,
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