Encounter with Condoms by Kalai Selvi Arivalagan (howl and other poems TXT) 📖

Life is a bundle of unexpected happenings. Sometimes they drag you into an area which is entirely strange and new. My encounter with Condoms proved to be one like that. Right from the childhood we were brought up in a tight circle of security and vigilance.

I was not allowed to go any where except my school and advised to be always with good company and read good books. I was not allowed to read the weekly magazines and all kinds of journals that come through. Brought up in a strict disciplined way, I used to move away from the circle of girls who sat talking about boys and their pranks.

Every one of them uses to discuss about some one they know and admire them with their favorite film stars. At that time, I use to wonder, why do they get so excited to talk about those men and what do they get from that? The same thing continues now also with the teen aged boys and girls, and still I wonder what is in that?

I had never seen a condom in my life and even don't know how it looked and how they wear it? When I was so innocent about condoms at that age, my friends use to talk about balloons made out of condoms. Once they talked about the boys blowing balloons out of condoms and flying it in the air like kites. They giggled so much; I did not understand what made them laugh so much.

After marriage, I stepped into a family of five boys, my husband being the eldest. I began to understand then only. One day while cleaning a drawer of a bureau, I found so many packets named "nirodh". I felt awkward to open and see what was inside and so threw everything along with the other waste paper and things. My husband never used condom and felt delicate to use it. Once he used it, but then also, I was not daring enough to see how it looked like. As we were longing to have our first child soon, we then never thought about following precautions.

Days after the marriage of my husband's brother and the arrival of the co-sister changed things. Though younger than me, she knew everything and very much liked to talk about sex and using condoms. Very rudely I asked her to stop such type of talk with me and leave me alone. To make me feel irritated she would even ask me to see the used condoms, which were thrown into the waste paper basket and make me feel more embarrassed.

A period went over smoothly, and I even forgot about condoms. But things were not the same, when I decided to join in an organization that worked in the area of prevention of HIV and AIDS. I was so much shocked to see the literal use of condoms and how the people handled it with ease. But still then, I never dared to open a packet of condoms and see how it looked and smelt. I kept myself aloof with my work and never got into such type of discussion and talk.

Things changed suddenly for me, when I was asked to do a condom survey study. I felt being lost and does not want to take up the work. I felt very delicate to talk about condoms and enquire people about their usage of condoms. I suffered in silence. Then I was asked to go through a Foundation Course in HIV and AIDS Counseling. During that course, one of the sessions was about the Condoms.

To come out of our feelings of awkwardness, games and other related exercises were given. That was the first time in my life; I opened a packet of condom and took it out to see how it really looked. While other people in the batch were handling condoms freely, making out different shapes and articles with the condoms, I could not withstand the smell of the condoms.

The condoms were lubricated and oily. I had to wash my hands with soap before having my food. I felt my hands smelt badly even after washing thoroughly. While people were discussing about the different kinds of condoms with color and perfume coming into the market, I was struggling to come out of the feeling of awkwardness. It took more than a week for me to come out of that and understood there were things in life, which had to be tolerated and taken care of.

Publication Date: 04-11-2011

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Dedication:
Lessons in life