Nonsense Books by Edward Lear (latest books to read txt) 📖

There was an Old Lady of Prague,
Whose language was horribly vague;
When they said, "Are these caps?" she answered, "Perhaps!"
That oracular Lady of Prague.

There was a Young Lady of Parma,
Whose conduct grew calmer and calmer:
When they said, "Are you dumb?" she merely said, "Hum!"
That provoking Young Lady of Parma.

There was an Old Person of Sparta,
Who had twenty-five sons and one "darter;"
He fed them on Snails, and weighed them in scales,
That wonderful Person of Sparta.

There was an Old Man on whose nose
Most birds of the air could repose;
But they all flew away at the closing of day,
Which relieved that Old Man and his nose.

There was a Young Lady of Turkey,
Who wept when the weather was murky;
When the day turned out fine, she ceased to repine,
That capricious Young Lady of Turkey.

There was an Old Man of Aôsta
Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her;
But they said, "Don't you see she has run up a tree,
You invidious Old Man of Aôsta?"

There was a Young Person of Crete,
Whose toilette was far from complete;
She dressed in a sack spickle-speckled with black,
That ombliferous Person of Crete.

There was a Young Lady of Clare,
Who was madly pursued by a Bear;
When she found she was tired, she abruptly expired,
That unfortunate Lady of Clare.

There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its color and size so bedazzled her eyes,
That she very soon went back to Dorking.

There was an Old Man of Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born;
So he sat on a Chair till he died of despair,
That dolorous Man of Cape Horn.

There was an old Person of Cromer,
Who stood on one leg to read Homer;
When he found he grew stiff, he jumped over the cliff,
Which concluded that Person of Cromer.

There was an Old Man of the Hague,
Whose ideas were excessively vague;
He built a balloon to examine the moon,
That deluded Old Man of the Hague.

There was an Old Person of Spain,
Who hated all trouble and pain;
So he sate on a chair with his feet in the air,
That umbrageous Old Person of Spain.

There was an Old Man who said, "Well!
Will nobody answer this bell?
I have pulled day and night, till my hair has grown white,
But nobody answers this bell!"

There was an Old Man with an Owl,
Who continued to bother and howl;
He sat on a rail, and imbibed bitter ale,
Which refreshed that Old Man and his Owl.

There was an Old Man in a casement,
Who held up his hands in amazement;
When they said, "Sir, you'll fall!" he replied, "Not at all!"
That incipient Old Man in a casement.

There was an Old Person of Ewell,
Who chiefly subsisted on gruel;
But to make it more nice, he inserted some Mice,
Which refreshed that Old Person of Ewell.

There was an Old Man of Peru.
Who never knew what he should do;
So he tore off his hair, and behaved like a bear,
That intrinsic Old Man of Peru.

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, "It is just as I feared!—
Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard."

There was a Young Lady whose eyes
Were unique as to color and size;
When she opened them wide, people all turned aside,
And started away in surprise.

There was a Young Lady of Ryde,
Whose shoe-strings were seldom untied;
She purchased some clogs, and some small spotty Dogs,
And frequently walked about Ryde.

There was a Young Lady whose bonnet
Came untied when the birds sate upon it;
But she said, "I don't care! all the birds in the air
Are welcome to sit on my bonnet!"

 

Nonsense Songs,
Stories, Botany, and Alphabets. By Edward Lear.

With One Hundred and Fifty Illustrations.

1894

Originally published 1871

1894 Cover
Click for larger version.

Nonsense Songs. The Owl and the Pussy-Cat The Duck and the Kangaroo The Daddy Long-Legs and the Fly The Jumblies The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-Tongs Calico Pie Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs The Table And The Chair Nonsense Stories. The Story of the Four Little Children Who Went Round The World The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple Nonsense Cookery Nonsense Botany Nonsense Alphabets No. 1 No. 2 No. 3

NONSENSE SONGS.

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat The Duck and the Kangaroo The Daddy Long-Legs and the Fly The Jumblies The Nutcrackers and the Sugar-Tongs Calico Pie Mr. and Mrs. Spikky Sparrow The Broom, the Shovel, the Poker, and the Tongs The Table And The Chair

THE OWL AND THE PUSSY-CAT.

I.

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat: They took some honey, and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note. The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar, "O lovely Pussy, O Pussy, my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are, You are, You are! What a beautiful Pussy you are!"

II.

Pussy said to the Owl, "You elegant fowl,
How charmingly sweet you sing! Oh! let us be married; too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?" They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the bong-tree grows; And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood,
With a ring at the end of his nose, His nose, His nose, With a ring at the end of his nose.

III.

"Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?" Said the Piggy, "I will." So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.

They dined on mince and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon; And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon, The moon, The moon, They danced by the light of the moon.

THE DUCK AND THE KANGAROO.

I.

Said the Duck to the Kangaroo,
"Good gracious! how you hop Over the fields, and the water too,
As if you never would stop! My life is a bore in this nasty pond;
And I long to go out in the world beyond:
I wish I could hop like you," Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

II.

"Please give me a ride on your back,"
Said the Duck to the Kangaroo: "I would sit quite still, and say nothing but 'Quack'
The whole of the long day through; And we 'd go the Dee, and the Jelly Bo Lee,
Over the land, and over the sea:
Please take me a ride! oh, do!" Said the Duck to the Kangaroo.

III.

Said the Kangaroo to the Duck,
"This requires some little reflection. Perhaps, on the whole, it might bring me luck;
And there seems but one objection; Which is, if you'll let me speak so bold,
Your feet are unpleasantly wet and cold,
And would probably give me the roo- Matiz," said the Kangaroo.

IV.

Said the Duck, "As I sate on the rocks,
I have thought over that completely; And I bought four pairs of worsted socks,
Which fit my web-feet neatly; And, to keep out the cold, I've bought a cloak;
And every day a cigar I'll smoke;
All to follow my own dear true Love of a Kangaroo."

V.

Said the Kangaroo, "I'm ready,
All in the moonlight pale; But to balance me well, dear Duck, sit steady,
And quite at the end of my tail."

So away they went with a hop and a bound;
And they hopped the whole world three times round.
And who so happy, oh! who, As the Duck and the Kangaroo?

THE DADDY LONG-LEGS AND THE FLY.

I.

Once Mr. Daddy Long-legs,
Dressed in brown and gray, Walked about upon the sands
Upon a summer's day: And there among the pebbles,
When the wind was rather cold, He met with Mr. Floppy Fly,
All dressed in blue and gold; And, as it was too soon to dine,
They drank some periwinkle-wine,
And played an hour or two, or more,
At battlecock and shuttledore.

II.

Said Mr. Daddy Long-legs
To Mr. Floppy Fly, "Why do you never come to court?
I wish you 'd tell me why. All gold and shine, in dress so fine,
You'd quite delight the court. Why do you never go at all?
I really think you ought. And, if you went, you'd see such sights!
Such rugs and jugs and candle-lights!
And, more than all, the king and queen,—
One in red, and one in green."

III.

"O Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
Said Mr. Floppy Fly, "It's true I never go to court;
And I will tell you why. If I had six long legs like yours,
At once I'd go to court; But, oh! I can't, because my legs
Are so extremely short. And I'm afraid the king and queen
(One in red, and one in green)
Would say aloud, 'You are not fit,
You Fly, to come to court a bit!'"

IV.

"Oh, Mr. Daddy Long-legs!"
Said Mr. Floppy Fly, "I wish you 'd sing one little song,
One mumbian melody. You used to sing so awful well
In former days gone