a pirates field trip by ray rebmann (chrome ebook reader .txt) š
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sit down and sort through the pouch and put them all back in alphabetical order.
Maybe categorize them by character type or story line. But that would require so much cross
referencing for all those years of work.
Maybe heād break down and ask his son, the computer whiz, to devise something along
the electronic gizmo line to deal with it. Give him another shot at talking to the boy. It had been
so long since they really talked.
āWhy do we all make the same mistakes with our sons? He asked no one in particular.
Maybe best to let that be. He had his virtual reality. His son was discovering his ownā¦
No time now to ponder which is better, imaginary creations of the mind or mechanical
effects of the machine, he decided, falling into character. The game afoot, and his superhuman
nose smelled a rat. And this rat was of the two leg variety.
He hoped that the cards had been stuck together long enough that some of Achilles brute
energy rubbed off on the sleuth and some of the detectiveās mental skills made it over to the ill-
mannered warrior.
And if he was real lucky, maybe that bit about Achilles heel would rub away too. He
plunged ahead, not knowing which character would appear to confront the pirates.
Fortunately, these types arenāt usually well read. Maybe they wonāt know about that heel.
* * *
Field Trip Pirates--73
No, it couldnāt have been old lame-o Mr J.
What Huey saw was a giant with long flowing blond hair topped by one of those dorky
Sherlock Holmes caps. He wore shining armor and in his mouth he had a huge pipe which
smoked like a chimney..
He held a sword in one hand and a giant magnifying glass in the other. And over his
shoulder he was carrying Mr. Jās weirdo saddlebag.
But boy, he was really giving it two ornery looking pirates.
Huey recognized the manikins from the tavern display. They must have hidden there,
disguised under the waxy make-up that still coated their faces, until they were needed by their
captain.
āBoys, stand back. And to take your mind off your fears, recite the capitals of the fifty
states.ā
It was Mr. Jā¦and still giving pop quizzes.
āAh, the rest of the crew.ā The pirate shouted. āAnd me old shipmate Barnacle Bill.
In disguise today to fool an old comrade, eh? Youāre looking a bit odd, Bill. Get the cards mixed
up, have ye?ā
āLads, greet me old ship mate Barnacle Bill. Sailed with me once, ages ago when he were
a wee nipper. Heās what you call a ātrue seamanā. Loyal to the ideas of family and country.
Believes in kindness, honesty, and good manners. No stomach for keelhaulinā. Says his prayers
afore goinā ta sleep each night. And educated too. He can read and write.ā The pirate sneered,
spitting and making a sour face like he just slurped down an entire spinach and beet ice cream
sundae.
Field Trip Pirates--74
āHave ye seen the light and decided to join yer old mates, share and share alike Bill?ā
Mr. J stabbed one of his assailants through the shoulder. That worthy fell back, while
the other tried to take advantage and snuck up from behind to attack. But the J man was too
quick for him and stopped him by whacking him over the head with the thick magnifying glass.
Then, he slashed him across the chest with his cutlass. The boys cheered as Mr. J forced the
swabs back into the shadows and out of sight.
Meanwhile, the pirate was climbing around the riggings near the top of the ship. He was
waving his sword at Huey ordering him to keel haul the curator once and for all so they could get
underway and do some treasure hunting.
āIāll deal with that lubber Bill meself.ā He cackled.
He pulled a pistol from his belt and took careful aim at Mr. J, then fired. It looked like he
missed but suddenly, Mr. J was hopping up and down, holding on to his heel.
āYou see Bill.ā The pirate said slowly, taking aim again. āI have done a bit of reading.ā
Mr. J fell to the floor, groaning. But before the pirate could reload and aim his pistol,
heād reached into his pouch and pulled out another card.
It read:
Incredible Houdini: Disappearing tricks a trademark.
Feats of magic performed routinely.
Transforms F report cards into straight Aās.
Chores finished with a snap of the finger. Vegetables changed to candy
No trick unplayable
Mr. J vanished. The pirate cursed. Then he looked down at the boys and cursed some
more. It was terrible cursing and under normal circumstances, the boys would have admired it.
Louis was a blubbering blob and Dewey was a babbling boob. Huey
Field Trip Pirates--75
stood alone, one musketeer facing this blood thirsty villain. His hands shook. His knees buckled.
His teeth chattered. He felt like the time the science class took a nature hike on the beach and to
show off, he ran into the ocean, forgetting it was February and the water was so cold he thought
heād turn into an iceberg on the spot and float away to Antarctica.
Worse yet, the curator was still tied up and dangling over the side of the ship and the
boys were supposed to be keelhauling her. Huey still had no idea what keel hauling was
so he couldnāt obey the pirateās orders even if he wanted to.
And this guy didnāt look like the type who explained what he wanted before he started
cutting off heads.
āI wish Jason was here. Heād know what keelhaulinā is.ā
* * *
Field Trip Pirates--76
In a flash of lightning reeking of gunpowder, the ropes were gone from the curator and
were instead tied tight around Huey.
The pirate lifted and tossed him over the side of the ship. Huey went under water. His
mouth was still open wide in surprise at the authenticity of the display so he swallowed a
barrelful of seawater and nearly drowned. Then he was dragged under the boat and pulled up on
the other side.
āThat is keelhauling, you impudent imp. Maybe next time youāll read a book before
you go along and ruin a perfectly good field trip.ā The captain roared. āYou sail with me and
youāll learn that I never give an order twict.ā
Huey couldnāt help himself. He wanted to be tough, want to be ruthless, wanted to be a
pirate, but getting keelhauled made him want his mommy.
So he cried. His sobbing made the pirate sarcastic. Thereās nothing scarier than
a sarcastic grown up except maybe a sarcastic grown up pirate.
āAre ye goin ta peach on me to yer teacher or are ye goin ta take it like a seafarinā man?ā
the pirate roared. āA lad likes you needs the discipline now n agin. Itās like motherās milk to
āim.ā
Hueyās ears shot up at that word, ādisciplineā. He was always on his guard sharp as a
tack, whenever an adult threw around words like ādisciplneā.
But the pirateās attention had already turned elsewhere. He spun the steering wheel and
the ship began turning faster and faster. Then it came unmoored and started drifting deeper into
the hologram of the open sea that covered the wall at the far end of the room.
* * *
Field Trip Pirates--77
The boys heard waves crashing. They felt the salt spray. The ship rocked as it appeared
to enter the wall.
āWhat an adventure this will be.ā The pirate crowed, staring at the boys with his one
good eye, the other being covered by a black patch. The patch having switched from one eye to
the other since the boys first saw him.
āCome along swabs. Think of what yer leaving behind.ā
The boys stared stupidly into the eye and fell again under the pirateās spell. This time,
each boy saw his worst nightmare.
Louis could see himself doing piles of homework and actually having to feel happy about
it and after the homework, he was just as cheerfully doing chores like washing the dishes instead
of playing video games.
And he was sickeningly honest, always admitting when he did something bad and there
was never anyone around one to blame but himself whenever he screwed up
Deweyās worst nightmare involved Brussels sprouts. Plates full of sprouts. He never ate
anything green and existed on a diet of Whoppers, fries and cokes with double cheese pizza on
the side. And here he was gorging himself on plates full of sprouts and always asking for more.
Then heād do one of his Planet Weird drawings and no matter how he drew it, he was
always the head weirdo, doing all the stupid goody good stuff the creatures on Planet Weird
always did.
Huey saw his living hell was actually both of those things but only worse. In Hueyās
nightmare, not only did he do homework and act helpful while stuffing his face with green pukey
healthy stuff. He saw himself actually playing with his dorky dweeb doofus brother. And gag,
Field Trip Pirates--78
enjoying it.
The boys looked to each other, hoping to find some of that all for one toughness that they
were always talking about. Since theyād never read about the real Three Musketeers,
they had to rely on what made them the most feared kids in their grade at ____ school. But being
bullies didnāt help in this instance, they realized.
Bullies are actually cowards and in a pinch like this, bullies showed their true colors.
Instead of being dashing scourges of the Spanish Main, they felt like three very
frightened little boys who really didnāt have it that bad in the lives they led. They wanted no
parts of any āadventureā and couldnāt keep themselves from crying.
The pirate laughed at them.
āArrrgh. I thought you was the worst of the worst, meanest of the mean. Surely, yeāll be
fine once ye get yer sea legs. Maybe run a swab or two thru with your swords.ā
The boys just wanted to go home.
āSwabs, I mean to have that treasure and by the powers ifān you shirking lubbers hinder
me Iāll have your livers for me supper.ā
The sound of his cruel voice brought the boys hearts pounding up their throats
* * *
Field Trip Pirates--79
Mr J doesnāt look too good. I mean, he doesnāt
Maybe categorize them by character type or story line. But that would require so much cross
referencing for all those years of work.
Maybe heād break down and ask his son, the computer whiz, to devise something along
the electronic gizmo line to deal with it. Give him another shot at talking to the boy. It had been
so long since they really talked.
āWhy do we all make the same mistakes with our sons? He asked no one in particular.
Maybe best to let that be. He had his virtual reality. His son was discovering his ownā¦
No time now to ponder which is better, imaginary creations of the mind or mechanical
effects of the machine, he decided, falling into character. The game afoot, and his superhuman
nose smelled a rat. And this rat was of the two leg variety.
He hoped that the cards had been stuck together long enough that some of Achilles brute
energy rubbed off on the sleuth and some of the detectiveās mental skills made it over to the ill-
mannered warrior.
And if he was real lucky, maybe that bit about Achilles heel would rub away too. He
plunged ahead, not knowing which character would appear to confront the pirates.
Fortunately, these types arenāt usually well read. Maybe they wonāt know about that heel.
* * *
Field Trip Pirates--73
No, it couldnāt have been old lame-o Mr J.
What Huey saw was a giant with long flowing blond hair topped by one of those dorky
Sherlock Holmes caps. He wore shining armor and in his mouth he had a huge pipe which
smoked like a chimney..
He held a sword in one hand and a giant magnifying glass in the other. And over his
shoulder he was carrying Mr. Jās weirdo saddlebag.
But boy, he was really giving it two ornery looking pirates.
Huey recognized the manikins from the tavern display. They must have hidden there,
disguised under the waxy make-up that still coated their faces, until they were needed by their
captain.
āBoys, stand back. And to take your mind off your fears, recite the capitals of the fifty
states.ā
It was Mr. Jā¦and still giving pop quizzes.
āAh, the rest of the crew.ā The pirate shouted. āAnd me old shipmate Barnacle Bill.
In disguise today to fool an old comrade, eh? Youāre looking a bit odd, Bill. Get the cards mixed
up, have ye?ā
āLads, greet me old ship mate Barnacle Bill. Sailed with me once, ages ago when he were
a wee nipper. Heās what you call a ātrue seamanā. Loyal to the ideas of family and country.
Believes in kindness, honesty, and good manners. No stomach for keelhaulinā. Says his prayers
afore goinā ta sleep each night. And educated too. He can read and write.ā The pirate sneered,
spitting and making a sour face like he just slurped down an entire spinach and beet ice cream
sundae.
Field Trip Pirates--74
āHave ye seen the light and decided to join yer old mates, share and share alike Bill?ā
Mr. J stabbed one of his assailants through the shoulder. That worthy fell back, while
the other tried to take advantage and snuck up from behind to attack. But the J man was too
quick for him and stopped him by whacking him over the head with the thick magnifying glass.
Then, he slashed him across the chest with his cutlass. The boys cheered as Mr. J forced the
swabs back into the shadows and out of sight.
Meanwhile, the pirate was climbing around the riggings near the top of the ship. He was
waving his sword at Huey ordering him to keel haul the curator once and for all so they could get
underway and do some treasure hunting.
āIāll deal with that lubber Bill meself.ā He cackled.
He pulled a pistol from his belt and took careful aim at Mr. J, then fired. It looked like he
missed but suddenly, Mr. J was hopping up and down, holding on to his heel.
āYou see Bill.ā The pirate said slowly, taking aim again. āI have done a bit of reading.ā
Mr. J fell to the floor, groaning. But before the pirate could reload and aim his pistol,
heād reached into his pouch and pulled out another card.
It read:
Incredible Houdini: Disappearing tricks a trademark.
Feats of magic performed routinely.
Transforms F report cards into straight Aās.
Chores finished with a snap of the finger. Vegetables changed to candy
No trick unplayable
Mr. J vanished. The pirate cursed. Then he looked down at the boys and cursed some
more. It was terrible cursing and under normal circumstances, the boys would have admired it.
Louis was a blubbering blob and Dewey was a babbling boob. Huey
Field Trip Pirates--75
stood alone, one musketeer facing this blood thirsty villain. His hands shook. His knees buckled.
His teeth chattered. He felt like the time the science class took a nature hike on the beach and to
show off, he ran into the ocean, forgetting it was February and the water was so cold he thought
heād turn into an iceberg on the spot and float away to Antarctica.
Worse yet, the curator was still tied up and dangling over the side of the ship and the
boys were supposed to be keelhauling her. Huey still had no idea what keel hauling was
so he couldnāt obey the pirateās orders even if he wanted to.
And this guy didnāt look like the type who explained what he wanted before he started
cutting off heads.
āI wish Jason was here. Heād know what keelhaulinā is.ā
* * *
Field Trip Pirates--76
In a flash of lightning reeking of gunpowder, the ropes were gone from the curator and
were instead tied tight around Huey.
The pirate lifted and tossed him over the side of the ship. Huey went under water. His
mouth was still open wide in surprise at the authenticity of the display so he swallowed a
barrelful of seawater and nearly drowned. Then he was dragged under the boat and pulled up on
the other side.
āThat is keelhauling, you impudent imp. Maybe next time youāll read a book before
you go along and ruin a perfectly good field trip.ā The captain roared. āYou sail with me and
youāll learn that I never give an order twict.ā
Huey couldnāt help himself. He wanted to be tough, want to be ruthless, wanted to be a
pirate, but getting keelhauled made him want his mommy.
So he cried. His sobbing made the pirate sarcastic. Thereās nothing scarier than
a sarcastic grown up except maybe a sarcastic grown up pirate.
āAre ye goin ta peach on me to yer teacher or are ye goin ta take it like a seafarinā man?ā
the pirate roared. āA lad likes you needs the discipline now n agin. Itās like motherās milk to
āim.ā
Hueyās ears shot up at that word, ādisciplineā. He was always on his guard sharp as a
tack, whenever an adult threw around words like ādisciplneā.
But the pirateās attention had already turned elsewhere. He spun the steering wheel and
the ship began turning faster and faster. Then it came unmoored and started drifting deeper into
the hologram of the open sea that covered the wall at the far end of the room.
* * *
Field Trip Pirates--77
The boys heard waves crashing. They felt the salt spray. The ship rocked as it appeared
to enter the wall.
āWhat an adventure this will be.ā The pirate crowed, staring at the boys with his one
good eye, the other being covered by a black patch. The patch having switched from one eye to
the other since the boys first saw him.
āCome along swabs. Think of what yer leaving behind.ā
The boys stared stupidly into the eye and fell again under the pirateās spell. This time,
each boy saw his worst nightmare.
Louis could see himself doing piles of homework and actually having to feel happy about
it and after the homework, he was just as cheerfully doing chores like washing the dishes instead
of playing video games.
And he was sickeningly honest, always admitting when he did something bad and there
was never anyone around one to blame but himself whenever he screwed up
Deweyās worst nightmare involved Brussels sprouts. Plates full of sprouts. He never ate
anything green and existed on a diet of Whoppers, fries and cokes with double cheese pizza on
the side. And here he was gorging himself on plates full of sprouts and always asking for more.
Then heād do one of his Planet Weird drawings and no matter how he drew it, he was
always the head weirdo, doing all the stupid goody good stuff the creatures on Planet Weird
always did.
Huey saw his living hell was actually both of those things but only worse. In Hueyās
nightmare, not only did he do homework and act helpful while stuffing his face with green pukey
healthy stuff. He saw himself actually playing with his dorky dweeb doofus brother. And gag,
Field Trip Pirates--78
enjoying it.
The boys looked to each other, hoping to find some of that all for one toughness that they
were always talking about. Since theyād never read about the real Three Musketeers,
they had to rely on what made them the most feared kids in their grade at ____ school. But being
bullies didnāt help in this instance, they realized.
Bullies are actually cowards and in a pinch like this, bullies showed their true colors.
Instead of being dashing scourges of the Spanish Main, they felt like three very
frightened little boys who really didnāt have it that bad in the lives they led. They wanted no
parts of any āadventureā and couldnāt keep themselves from crying.
The pirate laughed at them.
āArrrgh. I thought you was the worst of the worst, meanest of the mean. Surely, yeāll be
fine once ye get yer sea legs. Maybe run a swab or two thru with your swords.ā
The boys just wanted to go home.
āSwabs, I mean to have that treasure and by the powers ifān you shirking lubbers hinder
me Iāll have your livers for me supper.ā
The sound of his cruel voice brought the boys hearts pounding up their throats
* * *
Field Trip Pirates--79
Mr J doesnāt look too good. I mean, he doesnāt
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