Alice's Adventure In Wonderland by Lewis Carroll (free ebooks romance novels .txt) 📖

don’t

think—”

“Then you shouldn’t talk,” said the Hatter.

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in

great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and

neither of the others took the least notice of her going, though she

looked back once or twice, half hoping that they would call after her:

the last time she saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into

the teapot.

“At any rate I’ll never go _there_ again!” said Alice as she picked her

way through the wood. “It’s the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in

all my life!”

Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a door

leading right into it. “That’s very curious!” she thought. “But

everything’s curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.” And

in she went.

Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the little

glass table. “Now, I’ll manage better this time,” she said to herself,

and began by taking the little golden key, and unlocking the door that

led into the garden. Then she went to work nibbling at the mushroom

(she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot

high: then she walked down the little passage: and _then_—she found

herself at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds

and the cool fountains.

CHAPTER VIII.

The Queen’s Croquet-Ground

A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses

growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily

painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she

went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to them she heard

one of them say, “Look out now, Five! Don’t go splashing paint over me

like that!”

“I couldn’t help it,” said Five, in a sulky tone; “Seven jogged my

elbow.”

On which Seven looked up and said, “That’s right, Five! Always lay the

blame on others!”

“_You’d_ better not talk!” said Five. “I heard the Queen say only

yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!”

“What for?” said the one who had spoken first.

“That’s none of _your_ business, Two!” said Seven.

“Yes, it _is_ his business!” said Five, “and I’ll tell him—it was for

bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.”

Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun “Well, of all the unjust

things—” when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching

them, and he checked himself suddenly: the others looked round also,

and all of them bowed low.

“Would you tell me,” said Alice, a little timidly, “why you are

painting those roses?”

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low

voice, “Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a

_red_ rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake; and if the Queen

was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So

you see, Miss, we’re doing our best, afore she comes, to—” At this

moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called

out “The Queen! The Queen!” and the three gardeners instantly threw

themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps,

and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the

three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the

corners: next the ten courtiers; these were ornamented all over with

diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After these came

the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came

jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all

ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens,

and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a

hurried nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went

by without noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying

the King’s crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this

grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.

Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face

like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard

of such a rule at processions; “and besides, what would be the use of a

procession,” thought she, “if people had all to lie down upon their

faces, so that they couldn’t see it?” So she stood still where she was,

and waited.

When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked

at her, and the Queen said severely “Who is this?” She said it to the

Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply.

“Idiot!” said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to

Alice, she went on, “What’s your name, child?”

“My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,” said Alice very politely;

but she added, to herself, “Why, they’re only a pack of cards, after

all. I needn’t be afraid of them!”

“And who are _these?_” said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners

who were lying round the rose-tree; for, you see, as they were lying on

their faces, and the pattern on their backs was the same as the rest of

the pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers,

or courtiers, or three of her own children.

“How should _I_ know?” said Alice, surprised at her own courage. “It’s

no business of _mine_.”

The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a

moment like a wild beast, screamed “Off with her head! Off—”

“Nonsense!” said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was

silent.

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said “Consider, my

dear: she is only a child!”

The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave “Turn

them over!”

The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.

“Get up!” said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three

gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen,

the royal children, and everybody else.

“Leave off that!” screamed the Queen. “You make me giddy.” And then,

turning to the rose-tree, she went on, “What _have_ you been doing

here?”

“May it please your Majesty,” said Two, in a very humble tone, going

down on one knee as he spoke, “we were trying—”

“_I_ see!” said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses.

“Off with their heads!” and the procession moved on, three of the

soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran

to Alice for protection.

“You shan’t be beheaded!” said Alice, and she put them into a large

flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a

minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the

others.

“Are their heads off?” shouted the Queen.

“Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!” the soldiers shouted

in reply.

“That’s right!” shouted the Queen. “Can you play croquet?”

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was

evidently meant for her.

“Yes!” shouted Alice.

“Come on, then!” roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession,

wondering very much what would happen next.

“It’s—it’s a very fine day!” said a timid voice at her side. She was

walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.

“Very,” said Alice: “—where’s the Duchess?”

“Hush! Hush!” said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked

anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon

tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered “She’s under

sentence of execution.”

“What for?” said Alice.

“Did you say ‘What a pity!’?” the Rabbit asked.

“No, I didn’t,” said Alice: “I don’t think it’s at all a pity. I said

‘What for?’”

“She boxed the Queen’s ears—” the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little

scream of laughter. “Oh, hush!” the Rabbit whispered in a frightened

tone. “The Queen will hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the

Queen said—”

“Get to your places!” shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and

people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each

other; however, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game

began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground

in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live

hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double

themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.

The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo:

she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough,

under her arm, with its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she

had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going to give the

hedgehog a blow with its head, it _would_ twist itself round and look

up in her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help

bursting out laughing: and when she had got its head down, and was

going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog

had unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all

this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she

wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were

always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice

soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed.

The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling

all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time

the Queen was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and

shouting “Off with his head!” or “Off with her head!” about once in a

minute.

Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any

dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute,

“and then,” thought she, “what would become of me? They’re dreadfully

fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there’s any

one left alive!”

She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she

could get away without being seen, when she noticed a curious

appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first, but, after

watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said

to herself “It’s the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk

to.”

“How are you getting on?” said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth

enough for it to speak with.

Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. “It’s no use

speaking to it,” she thought, “till its ears have come, or at least one

of them.” In another minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put

down her flamingo, and began an account of the game, feeling very glad

she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there

was enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.

“I don’t think they play at all fairly,” Alice began, in rather a

complaining tone, “and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can’t hear

oneself speak—and they don’t seem to have any rules in particular; at

least, if there are, nobody attends to them—and you’ve no idea how

confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there’s the

arch I’ve got to go through next walking about at the other end of the

ground—and I should have croqueted the Queen’s hedgehog just now, only

it ran away when it saw mine coming!”

“How do you like the Queen?” said the Cat in a low voice.

“Not at all,” said Alice: “she’s so extremely—” Just then she noticed

that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on,

“—likely to win, that it’s hardly worth while finishing the game.”

The Queen smiled and passed on.

“Who _are_ you talking to?” said the King, going up to Alice, and

looking at the Cat’s head with great curiosity.

“It’s a friend of mine—a Cheshire Cat,” said Alice: “allow me to

introduce it.”

“I don’t like the look of it at all,” said the King: “however, it may

kiss my hand if it likes.”

“I’d rather not,” the Cat remarked.

“Don’t be impertinent,” said the King, “and don’t look at me like

that!” He got behind Alice as he spoke.

“A cat may look at a king,” said Alice. “I’ve read that in some book,

but I don’t remember where.”

“Well, it must be removed,” said the King very decidedly, and he called

the Queen, who was passing at the moment, “My dear! I wish you would

have this cat removed!”

The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or

small. “Off with his head!” she said, without even looking round.

“I’ll fetch the executioner myself,” said the King eagerly, and he

hurried off.

Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going

on, as she heard the Queen’s voice in the distance, screaming with

passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be

executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look

of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew

whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.

The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed

to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one of them with the

other: the only difficulty was, that her flamingo was gone across to

the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a

helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.

By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight

was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight: “but it doesn’t

matter much,” thought Alice, “as all the arches are gone from this side

of the ground.” So she tucked it away under her arm, that it might not

escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her

friend.

When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite

a large crowd collected round it: there was a dispute going on between

the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once,

while all the rest were quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable.

The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle

the question, and