Juvenile Nonfiction
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anxious. I didn’t want to leave my baby boy. I wasn’t sure how to. Would he be alright without me? The day passed fast and as each hour passed I became even more nervous. I didn’t put Bradley down all day. He slept in our bed for the first time. I was determined to spend every second with him until I couldn’t.
Chapter Three


Chapter 3—

When morning came, I was a disaster. I walked around the house trying to get ready with Bradley in my arms. I didn’t want anyone else to hold him until I left. I didn’t care about what I was wearing or what my hair looked like. I pulled it up into a messy bun, put some sweatpants on with a t-shirt and my Uggs, and carried Bradley into the nursery as he finished his bottle. I walked into the nursery and stopped by the crib. I sighed. I put him down and turned to walk away. I couldn’t believe I was leaving him. Tears gathered in my eyes and I turned around to look at him again before I left. I walked quickly back to him, kissed his forehead, and whispered in his ear, “Momma loves you baby.” I walked back to the door, and left before I changed my mind. I was anxious about leaving him for the first time in 6 weeks. He had been by my side since the day he was born, never left my sight. Not being able to see him for an entire day scared the living hell out of me. I walked down the stairs slowly enough that I could get myself together before seeing the rest of my family. I cleared my face of tears and tried to hide the fact that they were there to begin with.

I walked slowly into the kitchen where Brad was waiting for me. He took my hands and pulled me into a hug. He saw straight through my masked face. I began to sob and ramble about Bradley. I didn’t want to leave him. “I’ll call the school, baby. I’ll take care of it honey,” Brad picked up the house phone. I walked back upstairs into Bradley’s room where he was laying in his crib looking up at the mobile above his crib. I picked him up and sat into the rocking chair with him. We sat there for about 10 minutes before Brad came up the stairs. “Get him dressed,” he said with a smile. I was confused. Why would I get him dressed? “I talked to the principle. She understands what is going on, and she said that you could bring him for your first week back.” I smiled at him and looked down at Bradley. I stood up and but him on the changing table. I pulled out a pair of jeans, an “I love Daddy” t-shirt, socks, and a camouflage sweatshirt. I changed his diaper and got him dressed quickly. I packed his diaper bag up, put his shoes on him, and put him in his carrier. I pulled up the hood on the carrier and went down the stairs. Brad had already put my stuff in the car, and all I had to do was put Bradley in. I strapped the carrier in the backseat. I got into the driver’s side, put on my seatbelt, and slowly backed the car out of the driveway. I slowly drove us to the school and parked close to the building, like I had done when I first arrived. I cut the engine and got up out of the car. I opened the back door and took my son’s carrier out. I put him down on the parking lot for a moment to grab my bookbag, and picked him up to walk in the door. Nicole nearly attacked me when she saw us walk through the door. She insisted on taking Bradley out of the carrier and Brad took the carrier from me, taking it to the office. I kissed him and told him that we would see him at lunch. Nicole, Bradley, and I walked to my first period class. I showed Mr. Anderson the letter from the principle allowing Bradley to be with me. He smiled and nodded at me. I went to sit down where Nicole was sitting with Bradley. Everyone turned around to look at him. Almost everyone spoke to him. He smiled at all of the people making faces of adoration at him.

By lunch, I was tired. This was more than I had done since Bradley was born. It was weird. I never got any time alone with Bradley, but he didn’t cry all day. I was happy about that, because I didn’t have any anxiety issues in front of everyone.

Chapter Four


Chapter 4—

I was glad to leave the school when the day was over. Bradley was sleeping when the bell rang, and I walked, carefully not to wake him, slowly to the car. When I finally got to the car, I strapped in the carrier, and shut the door gently. I got into the driver’s seat, and started the car. I waited for Brad to get to the car, and as he got in, he sighed. I grabbed his hand from his lap and held it tight in mine. I leaned in and kissed him, over and over again. When I was done, he breathed on my face, and kissed me again. I began to sob when he pulled back. I slammed both hands on the steering wheel and lay my head between them. My day was so stressful, and it was all coming apart in tears. I wanted to scream, but Bradley was sleeping in the backseat so I just huffed. Brad rubbed my back. Tears fell like rain from my eyes. I hated going to school now. But, I was glad that I could take Bradley with me. I drove faster than usual with Bradley in the car. My face was wet with tears, and I felt like I was kind of acting pissed off. Except I wasn’t. I was just stressed. I didn’t like going to school anymore because I wanted to be with Bradley, but I didn’t want people to stare and talk to me all day. I wanted to throw something. Instead, I focused on the road and driving because my son was in the car. I could always just get my diploma online. It couldn’t be all that hard. At least I would be able to stay home with Bradley all day, without people in our faces all day. “Ali!!” Brad was screaming. A car had suddenly pulled into the lane that we were in. I tapped the brakes slowly, blowing the horn. My eyes were focused strictly on the road now. My mind finally stopped racing about things that I wasn’t doing. Thank God! I thought. I looked back at Bradley, still sleeping, in the backseat. It was amazing to me that he could sleep through noise, but he woke up every time his diaper was wet or hungry.

Tears were streaming down my face still. Brad took my hand in his. I huffed out air, breathing heavily. When we finally got home I took a second to get myself together. I got out and picked Bradley up from the carrier. I left everything but his diaper bag and my keys in the car. I went straight to my room with Bradley and lay on the bed, putting him on my chest. I just let the tears fall from my eyes. I wasn’t sure why I was being so emotional. I was annoyed, but I didn’t care enough. I just wanted to be alone with my family: just me, Brad, Bradley, mom, and Mike. Everyone else didn’t matter. Bradley was stirring on my chest. He was probably hungry, so I got up and cradled him in my arms. “Hey there,” I whispered to him. He looked up into my eyes. I smiled, just for him. I got up off of the bed and went to his nursery. I took out his diaper, wipes, and pajamas. I changed his diaper and got him dressed quickly. I picked him up off of the changing table and put his head on my chest. I carried him downstairs to fix his bottle and feed him. I made him the bottle quickly, fearing that he would soon start to cry, and fed it to him. I was so used to doing this that I didn’t even have to remind myself of when to make him stop to burp. Brad walked up to me and his face was wrong. He looked as if he had been crying also. What was wrong with him? I got up as Bradley finished his bottle, and took him upstairs. Brad followed us. I put Bradley to sleep and went with Brad to our room. He sat on the bed and broke into a sob. I walked up to him, taking his hand, and trying to comfort him. “What’s wrong babe?” He didn’t answer. “What is it? What’s wrong?” He still didn’t answer. He just sobbed. He pulled his hand from mine and looked into my eyes. I could tell by the look in his eyes that it was bad. Something was very wrong. “I…I cheated.” I fell to my knees as the words rushed through my mind. I broke out into an all out breakdown. Tears soaked my face; I screamed and babbled. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I curled my body up on the floor and cried. When I had gathered the strength to speak I began to mutter questions: “Who was is? When? Why? Am I just not good enough for you anymore? Why the hell would you do this? Our son? Us? WHAT THE FUCK?!?” I screamed loudly, bringing Mike into the room to make sure everything was okay. Mike cautioned his hands in front of my arms, making sure I didn’t hit Brad or vice versus. Brad was in tears too. “Keira… Three weeks after Bradley was born,” he mumbled. I was glad Mike was there. I could have slapped him. “WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!?! DID YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR SON OR ME AT ALL?!?!” I was livid. My face was burning. I was ashamed by him. I’d never thought he was the cheating type.

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