Everyday Thoughts. by Gabby Follin (e book reader free txt) 📖

 

I adore you, utterly and solemnly.

I am not distant, only filled with fear that you’ll leave my life.

 

Showing too much affection, being passionate about your existence…

It seems as if it bothers you, but it’s just me.

Cliche as always, it’s not you, it’s me.

 

Constant reassurance, needing to be told you still feel the same as you did when we first fell.

You don’t need that bothersome in your life.

I don’t want to push you away but would you rather me be a melting marshmallow than not talk at all?

Tell me now, or forever hold your peace.

 

I adore you dearly.

Most likely, I adore you more than you do me.

 

I never know, you don’t say much.

You’re playful, silly, your regular being is so immature.

But I know you are secretly mature, just not with general feelings.

 

Truely, I wish I could get into your mind, but you make it so hard.

Some make it so easy but not you.

I have to push and claw, even then, it’s really no use.

You make me feel cold, small and feeble when you talk to me the way you do.

 

The more and more I adore you, the less you seem to adore me.

May 9, 2019. 3:08 p.m.

 

It was a regular goodbye, just a quick hug and nothing more.

At least I thought that’s what it would be.

As I let go, I turned to leave back to my house before I got a text asking where I was.

And he grabbed my hand and pulled me back and kissed me, I pulled away quickly.

Not knowing what to say, a simple bye said as a question. I scurried off wanting to get away from him.

Avoidance is going to be vital at this point.

I knew he was fond of me, and I only thought of him as a friend.

I didn’t think he would ever get the balls to do that kind of thing but he did that day.

He only wishes I felt the same back but I don’t.

I’m not a mean person, just honest. If it comes down to it, I’ll say it but for now I’ll let it simmer down and hopefully resolve itself.

That way, brutal honesty will keep in and not have to do its job.

And damn, this so called brutal honesty has a smacking way to get your point across.

May 11, 2019. 8:23 p.m.

 the golden days

 

Days go by quickly, only in a matter of seconds anymore.

 

It makes you think about the other days, where I was and are now.

 

The rough patches, and better ones cross vividly through my mind.

 

My first love, my first experience to everything.

 

When that also ended in shambles.

Realizing toxicity in people, the dishonest and untrustworthy.

 

Only makes me think about the people who stayed thick and thin.

 

Finding myself, being the best I can for me.

 

Knowing only to be the best for others if they do that for me too.

 

Honesty is the best policy.

 

When I’m wrong, I admit it and know I’m wrong, if not, put up a fight.

 

Giving away my body as if it were something off a store shelf.

 

I learned, only give that away to someone if they’ve proved they’re worth it.

 

Don’t let people deceive me.

 

No matter the reason, I realize no one should have that power over me.

 

So many things have crossed through my mind the past few days.

 

Days have been going by so quickly anymore, as if I’m not even living them.

 

Reminiscing on what I’ve been through and how I’ve learned and came from it.

 

I don’t know everything in the world but I certainly know some.

 

I’m not perfect nor is anyone.

 

But I’m being the best kind of person I know how.

 

May 23, 2019. 3:12 p.m.

 The Night Before - Officially Over 

 

Storm clouds begin to move in, only signaling its about to start.

 

They’re dark, and subtle, coming in at a consistent pace.

 

As wind begins to pick up dancing through the uncut grass and leaves in the trees, rain drops start to fall and hit the ground.

 

Thunder starts to rumble as if the world is angry at us.

 

Ombre colored lightning streaks begin to make roots through the sky lighting up the black clouds.

 

Standing outside, admiring the beauty of what the world can create.

 

Also waiting to see what it can destroy.

 

Raindrops fall on my face, dripping down my cheeks cooling down my heated body.

 

Maybe, I thought, maybe it was the right time to ask.

 

Maybe everything would end up how I pictured.

 

A glimmer of hope, the bright and soothing lightning was beating down hope.

 

Foolishly, the question was asked, and was answered with an unwanted response.

 

Paranoia got the best of my mind, but it turned out everything it made me think was right.

 

Distance grew between us, we parted ways like clouds dispatch, basically becoming nothing except a clear, blue, happy sky.

 

Except, happiness wasn’t existent with us anymore.  

 

No longer happy, words were barely exchanged.

 

But tonight it was different.

 

Words were said and won’t be taken back similar to how lightning strikes the ground and does damage to whatever it seems to hit.

 

The wreckage to the earth will fix itself, the only difference, this won’t fix itself.

 

Once the storm passes, everyone will forgive the world for giving us a scare and forget about it.

 

This will just be forgotten.

 

A lost cause and nothing worth fighting for, it’s over.

 

Avoiding the truth, only because it hurt more when he said it.

 

The storm plays on, thunder rumbling and lightning continues to strike.

 

Laying in a dark room, tears falling down cheeks that contain salt and regret.

 

It’s over now, but that doesn’t stop the pain.

 

It’ll hurt, and hurt some more but soon enough it’ll get better.

 

It’s like how the Earth recovers from a terrible and frightening storm.

 

Pictures of him play in my mind, contemplating whether or not they should be deleted.

 

They’ll keep their rightful place, based on the fact nothing changes the fact I’ll miss him.

 

It was a good run.

 

Everything will be greener tomorrow.

 

It’ll smell fresh and new.

 

I’ll miss you.

 

But I hope you’re happier now.

 

Our memories and laughter feel so far away, but I remember them like they happened yesterday.

 

Thank you, Lulu.

 

June 9, 2019. 11:31 p.m.

 mistake 

 

It was a hangout, what regular friends do. The thought had crossed her mind but she was determined to not let it happen.

Things started off casually, sitting on the couch, deciding what to watch on the overrated Netflix. He sat close but she tried to disregard what his real intentions were.

The bare skin of her leg pressing up against his, not moving an inch but he was moving all over.

He picked something he liked, and she just watched not trying to be a bother.

Soon enough he hugged his arms around her waist randomly and held his head behind her back. Slowly the uncomfortable feeling crept in as he just laid there and done that to her. She eventually got up and laid down on the other side of the couch away from his grasp.

A few slow minutes of panic pass by as he got up to climb over her body to make a place right behind her. He snaked his arm around her waist as if they were a couple just casually watching TV shows together.

The thing was, they weren’t a couple and she was not interested in him at all like that.

That very fact broke his heart but it’s something that he had to accept.

But he hadn’t, and she realized that as he started to snake his hand south, caressing her bare thighs. She knew where his hand was wanting to trail, considering the fact he’s spoken on many occasions about his fondness towards her body.

She was breathing heavily because her body was giving him the exact signs that she was liking this, but in all reality she was not.

Her eyes were squeezed shut trying to pretend it was someone she actually adored and not specifically him.

It worked slightly, but then the harsh reality that it wasn’t her adored was breaking her. He had gotten to his goal of caressing her behind, as he did he was whispering off-putting comments in her ear.

Wow, he had said.

She tried to play it off and say something to turn him down, you and everyone else, she said.

He laughed at the comment and continued his wicked ways.

Are these getting in the way? He had asked directing the question at her shorts and she gently and slowly peeled them off her skin and sat them on the ground mentally unwilling.

His hands went between her thighs and was rubbing her on the outside of her panties. Her breathing got louder and her eyes were squeezed as shut as you could get them to be. Her left hand squeezed the arm of the couch wanting more, which he granted by pulling her panties aside and doing exactly what she wanted.

It was fine, she was pretending it was fine.

This is what her body wanted, and now she was thinking it’s what was needed. But, her mind keeps asking her, did it have to be him?

It echoed in her head and she opened