Everyday Thoughts. by Gabby Follin (e book reader free txt) 📖

December 29, 2019. 1:07 p.m. Part 2.

 Do you think it's bad to miss me? 

In my personal opinion, I don't think so. 

Like you said, we were best friends. 

I miss you to death from time to time. 

It was just so hard to trust you after everything. 

All I needed was closure, the truth. 

That's all I need to be satisfied, to forgive. 

Did you expect anything less, especially from me? 

I'm not one to put up with that kind of stuff. 

But I did for a long time for you because I loved you. 

I still do. 

You just made it harder and harder for me to feel like I could tell you things. 

I just didn't want to spill a secret or tell you something else so personal about me and have you tell other people whom I didn't want anything to do with. 

If you really understand what I'm saying, please let me know, why?

I just want to know why. 

And if you decide to be truthful, all of that will be put behind me. 

All I need is closure. 

You know how I am when it comes to honesty. 

 

January 5, 2020. 2:25 a.m.

 

I’m waiting for your call. 

Feels like an eternity waiting for you. 

My life seems dull without your wacky messages every single day. 

I miss it

And clearly, I miss you. 

But then, you finally call. 

I hesitate, wondering if it is going to be worth it if I answer. 

Your name, sitting there on the screen, and all I’m doing is staring at it. 

Carefully I slide my finger upwards to answer the call, and put it up to my ear to finally greet you. 

But I say nothing and neither do you. All I hear are the lonely breaths you are taking. 

Then, suddenly, three words are spoken from your mouth. 

Three words that feel so empty when you spoke them. 

“I miss you…” 

All I could do is sigh and say it right back.

“I want to see you.” 

I was hoping you would say that to me. 

I want to see you too. 

“Come see me.” 

Your wish is my command. 

 

As soon as I see you, my arms immediately get the urge to wrap around you, and that’s exactly what they did. 

You do the same, and I feel safe again. 

Embracing your warm body into mine, it feels so right.

Yet so wrong. 

We pull back enough to catch each other’s eyes, and all we do is stare. 

Until, you pull closer and put your soft lips against mine. 

Slowly and passionately, we keep our lips connected as if it were the last moments we would ever see each other again. 

Your hands reach for the bottom of my shirt, you grab a handful and gently tug upwards to peel it away from my body.  My hands follow your movements to peel your clothing away too. 

As soon as the shirts hit the floor, we immediately lock lips again, only to take our hands and explore one another’s bodies as if this was the first time we were doing so. 

Our hands travel down south to unbuckle our belts to rip them away from the grooves of our jeans. We throw them onto the floor without a second thought. 

Your fingers work their magic to unbutton and unzip my jeans swiftly, you undo your’s just as quick as you had mine. 

I turn to look around for the nearest object I could lay back on, all there was is a couch. I take your hand and pull you in the direction of this furnishing, still with our lips together. 

We finally pull away, and my chest is heavy. You put your hand on my chest and gently push me down onto the cushions, kissing away at my cheek, down to my neck and then  to my collar bone. 

As you make your precious marks with your lips upon my body, you start to pull down my jeans to expose my legs. As they get to my ankles you rip them away as if you’re tired of waiting. There goes the jeans to the pile of clothing upon the floor. 

You quickly make your way off of my body to stand straight up to take off your jeans too, and you throw them right on top of mine. 

Almost immediately, you climb back on top of me and kiss me with all the love in the world. You pull away to stare into my eyes and I’m staring back at yours, with my nails scratching at your shoulders to tell you I’m ready. 

You pull down my panties gently and ever so slowly to torture me. As soon as they leave my legs I’m fully exposed to you. 

All you did was smile down at me. 

“You’re beautiful.” 

We lock lips again as you begin to pull down your boxers. Of course you’re already ready… You pull away from me to stare at my eyes again and you grin. 

“Gabby…” You whisper. 

“I love you.” 

 

But all of this is just a dream. 

Just a horrible dream. 

That I wake up from, as soon as the word you was spoken. 

My heart jumped from my chest at the thought of you saying those words to me. 

I love you. 

It’s so strong and such a wonderful honor to be told. 

But it’s horrible. 

Knowing the painful reality that this dream will never come true. 

Of course, I can always hope, but hope like that can destroy a person. 

And it feels like it already is. 

I’m waiting for your call, still. 

Waiting patiently. 

Hoping that you will say you miss me. 

And that you want to see me. 

For now, this is all I got. 

Waiting. 

Waiting ever so patiently. 

For you. 

January 9, 2020. 1:55 a.m.

you know what i'm about to say, i can feel it within your words

will you tell me you love me too?

 

i've fallen for you

and i feel like i've fallen in love a hundred times

but this is different

 

never for so long have i felt this way about someone

i still adore you as much i did when we were just friends

 

i want to give you my heart and i want you to keep it safe

treat it like it's a diamond within your hands

 

i love you at your best

and i still love you at your worst

god, i just love you

i love you

 

January 31, 2020. 2:31 a.m.

 Your words and actions are understood but a single question still burns in the back of my head. 

Afraid to ask, more afraid he won't tell me. 

Simple but hard task to complete. 

 

I'll ask when things are good, when you're completely okay again. 

Or until you notice something is wrong. 

Either way it will come out eventually. 

 

Those kinds of things don't stay inside for very long. 

March 31, 2020. 4:09 a.m.

 My days are longer without you, but I keep my mind busy doing little things to get by. 

I'm not sure what changed in you and it seems I probably won't ever find out. 

In the long run however, this was the better option. 

You didn't make me smile anymore, nor did you make me happy. 

All there was, was anger and sadness between us. 

Every day I stayed by your side, all you did was confuse and hurt me some more. 

Maybe I did understand at one time but I'm certainly clueless now. 

It feels as if a weight has been lifted from my chest and my emotions came to a hault the minute I said farewell. 

But we'll see if you'll come crawling back to me sooner or later. 

We'll see. 

May 11, 2020. 3:02 a.m.

 I'm alive! Still fresh and well. 

I decided to write today because right now, I feel perfectly content with my life. 

Besides the fact I have a medical issue happening, everything is nice. 

I'm totally and utterly in love. 

Ever since my brother moved out, it's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. And the family that still resides here is in perfect shape as well. 

I'm really happy, I'm in a good place. 

I just hope it lasts. 

Happy late mother's day!