- Author: B. Benfield
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Copyright © 2020 B. Benfield
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Note: This book contains adult language and situations. It is intended only for mature readers.
Table of Contents
About the Author
I sat down on the cold, black leather couch and crossed my legs. My purse was still hanging on my shoulder and I rolled my eyes as I slid it off and placed it beside me. Doctor James knew I dreaded these appointments, but she waited ever so patiently as I pulled myself together.
“Anything new and exciting since our last visit?” she asked.
“Nope,” I replied. Let’s just get it over with.
“Listen, Abigail,” she started.
“Please call me Abby.” I interrupted. I hated when people used my full name.
“Sorry. Excuse me, Abby,” she said. “Per your primary care doctor’s orders, you’re stuck with me for another month. I know you don’t like these sessions, but don’t you think they’d be a little more bearable if we actually talked? It’d make the time go by faster, that’s for sure.”
“I don’t feel like there’s much to talk about.” I snapped. “I’ve told you this.”
She let out a long sigh before she responded. “There’s obviously something. You went to the doctor in hopes for some help with your depression. Why are you depressed? What triggers you?”
I looked anywhere but the doctor’s eyes as I willed myself not to cry. I hated this. Why did I have to feel this way? Why couldn’t I just be normal?
After a moment of silence, I replied, “I don’t know. I just feel so alone.”
“You’re married, right?”
“Yes, but Marcus is a lawyer. He works a lot. I don’t have a job…we have no kids…so I spend a lot of time alone, stuck…in my own head. I have a close friend, Melinda, but I don’t get to spend as much time with her since she recently got promoted at her job.”
“Does Marcus know how you feel?”
“I told him I was having some issues. He’s the one that suggested I go to the doctor.”
“But does he know what kind of issues? Does he know about your feelings of loneliness? It sounds to me like you’re craving his presence.”
“I don’t want to bother him. I know he’s really busy.”
“Marriage is hard work. He may be busy, but sometimes you have to prioritize things in your life, especially those important to you.”
“I know, but…I really don’t want to burden him with my issues. This is what people don’t understand. I feel like things with Marcus are complicated. I really just went to the doctor in hopes that she’d prescribe me something and it would help to lighten my mood. I didn’t expect the rest of this to come along with it.” By this I was referring to the two months of counseling the doctor ordered along with my antidepressant. I was required to see a freaking shrink.
“Sometimes talk therapy is the only way to completely cure a problem in one’s mind. It’s not good to bottle up your feelings and emotions. Talking about your issues can help you to find a way to process and deal with them.”
I stared at the doctor and let out a deep breath. This was my fourth visit and it was the most I’d opened up, but maybe she was right. Maybe talking to her would actually help. So far, I couldn’t tell a difference with the pills, but maybe they hadn’t had enough time in my system yet. I’d give this a chance, because well, I had to, but hopefully it would help. Hopefully I could make some sort of sense out of all this. It wasn’t feeling too promising.
“Okay, Abby, we’ll stop here for now. You did really well. You tore down that first wall and let me in. I appreciate that. Hopefully the more we talk, the closer we can come to some sort of healing.”
“Thank you, Doctor James,” I said, standing up quickly. I grabbed my purse and rushed out the door. Calm down there, Doc. You have no idea.
The Florida heat was intense. I pulled my long brown hair up into a ponytail as I walked down the street to the coffee shop. I don’t know why I even attempted to fix it and look cute. Sweat drenched my body the moment I stepped outside. I made my way into