Short Fiction Fritz Leiber (free e books to read .txt) 📖

all men so far, at least Pop hadn’t heard of any women members, but⁠—he assured Alice earnestly⁠—he would personally guarantee that there would be no objections to a girl joining up. They had recently taken to calling themselves Murderers Anonymous, after some prewar organization Pop didn’t know the original purpose of. Quite a few of them had slipped and gone back to murdering again, but some of these had come back after a while, more determined than ever to make a go of it.

“We welcomed ’em, of course,” Pop said. “We welcome everybody. Everybody that’s a genuine murderer, that is, and says he wants to quit. Guys that aren’t blooded yet we draw the line at, no matter how fine they are.”

Also, “We have a lot of fun at our meetings,” Pop assured us. “You never saw such high times. Nobody’s got a right to go glooming around or pull a long face just because he’s done a killing or two. Religion or no religion, pride’s a sin.”

Alice and me ate it all up like we was a couple of kids and Pop was telling us fairy tales. That’s what it all was, of course, a fairy tale⁠—a crazy mixed-up fairy tale. Alice and me knew there could be no fellowship of Deathlanders like Pop was describing⁠—it was impossible as blue sky⁠—but it gave us a kick to pretend to ourselves for a while to believe in it.

Pop could talk forever, apparently, about murder and murderers and he had a bottomless bag of funny stories on the same topic and character vignettes⁠—the murderers who were forever wanting their victims to understand and forgive them, the ones who thought of themselves as little kings with divine rights of dispensing death, the ones who insisted on laying down (chastely) beside their finished victims and playing dead for a couple of hours, the ones who weren’t so chaste, the ones who could only do their killings when they were dressed a certain way (and the troubles they had with their murder costumes), the ones who could only kill people with certain traits or of a certain appearance (redheads, say, or people who read books, or who couldn’t carry tunes, or who used bad language), the ones who always mixed sex and murder and the ones who believed that murder was contaminated by the least breath of sex, the sticklers and the Sloppy Joes, the artists and the butchers, the ax- and stiletto-types, the compulsives and the repulsives⁠—honestly, Pop’s portraits from life added up to a Dance of Death as good as anything the Middle Ages ever produced and they ought to have been illustrated like those by some great artist. Pop told us a lot about his own killings too. Alice and me was interested, but neither of us wasn’t tempted into making parallel revelations about ourselves. Your private life’s your own business, I felt, as close as your guts, and no joke’s good enough to justify revealing a knot of it.

Not that we talked about nothing but murder while we were bulleting along toward Atla-Hi. The conversation was freewheeling and we got onto all sorts of topics. For instance, we got to talking about the plane and how it flew itself⁠—or levitated itself, rather. I said it must generate an antigravity field that was keyed to the body of the plane but nothing else, so that we didn’t feel lighter, nor any of the objects in the cabin⁠—it just worked on the dull silvery metal⁠—and I proved my point by using Mother to shave a little wisp of metal off the edge of the control board. The curlicue stayed in the air wherever you put it and when you moved it you could feel the faintest sort of gyroscopic resistance. It was very strange.

Pop pointed out it was a little like magnetism. A germ riding on an iron filing that was traveling toward the pole of a big magnet wouldn’t feel the magnetic pull⁠—it wouldn’t be operating on him, only on the iron⁠—but just the same the germ’d be carried along with the filing and feel its acceleration and all, provided he could hold on⁠—but for that purpose you could imagine a tiny cabin in the filing. “That’s what we are,” Pop added. “Three germs, jumbo size.”

Alice wanted to know why an antigravity plane should have even the stubbiest wings or a jet for that matter, for we remembered now we’d noticed the tubes, and I said it was maybe just a reserve system in case the antigravity failed and Pop guessed it might be for extra-fast battle maneuvering or even for operating outside the atmosphere (which hardly made sense, as I proved to him).

“If we’re a battle plane, where’s our guns?” Alice asked. None of us had an answer.

We remembered the noise the plane had made before we saw it. It must have been using its jets then. “And do you suppose,” Pop asked, “that it was something from the antigravity that made electricity flare out of the top of the cracking plant? Like to have scared the pants off me!” No answer to that either.

Now was a logical time, of course, to ask Pop what he knew about the cracking plant and just who had done the scream if not him, but I figured he still wouldn’t talk; as long as we were acting friendly there was no point in spoiling it.

We guessed around a little, though, about where the plane came from. Pop said Alamos, I said Atla-Hi, Alice said why not from both, why couldn’t Alamos and Atla-Hi have some sort of treaty and the plane be traveling from the one to the other. We agreed it might be. At least it fitted with the Atla-Hi violet and the Alamos blue being brighter than the other colors.

“I just hope we got some sort of anti-collision radar,” I said. I guessed we had, because twice we’d jogged in our course a little, maybe to clear the Alleghenies. The easterly