Far from the Madding Crowd Thomas Hardy (best books for 20 year olds .TXT) đ
- Author: Thomas Hardy
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âI cannot say. I shouldnât yet, at any rate.â
âBut you might at some future time of your life?â
âOh yes, I might at some time.â
âWell, then, do you know that without further proof of any kind you may marry again in about six years from the presentâ âsubject to nobodyâs objection or blame?â
âOh yes,â she said, quickly. âI know all that. But donât talk of itâ âseven or six yearsâ âwhere may we all be by that time?â
âThey will soon glide by, and it will seem an astonishingly short time to look back upon when they are pastâ âmuch less than to look forward to now.â
âYes, yes; I have found that in my own experience.â
âNow listen once more,â Boldwood pleaded. âIf I wait that time, will you marry me? You own that you owe me amendsâ âlet that be your way of making them.â
âBut, Mr. Boldwoodâ âsix yearsâ ââ
âDo you want to be the wife of any other man?â
âNo indeed! I mean, that I donât like to talk about this matter now. Perhaps it is not proper, and I ought not to allow it. Let us drop it. My husband may be living, as I said.â
âOf course, Iâll drop the subject if you wish. But propriety has nothing to do with reasons. I am a middle-aged man, willing to protect you for the remainder of our lives. On your side, at least, there is no passion or blamable hasteâ âon mine, perhaps, there is. But I canât help seeing that if you choose from a feeling of pity, and, as you say, a wish to make amends, to make a bargain with me for a far-ahead timeâ âan agreement which will set all things right and make me happy, late though it may beâ âthere is no fault to be found with you as a woman. Hadnât I the first place beside you? Havenât you been almost mine once already? Surely you can say to me as much as this, you will have me back again should circumstances permit? Now, pray speak! O Bathsheba, promiseâ âit is only a little promiseâ âthat if you marry again, you will marry me!â
His tone was so excited that she almost feared him at this moment, even whilst she sympathized. It was a simple physical fearâ âthe weak of the strong; there was no emotional aversion or inner repugnance. She said, with some distress in her voice, for she remembered vividly his outburst on the Yalbury Road, and shrank from a repetition of his anger:â â
âI will never marry another man whilst you wish me to be your wife, whatever comesâ âbut to say moreâ âyou have taken me so by surpriseâ ââ
âBut let it stand in these simple wordsâ âthat in six yearsâ time you will be my wife? Unexpected accidents weâll not mention, because those, of course, must be given way to. Now, this time I know you will keep your word.â
âThatâs why I hesitate to give it.â
âBut do give it! Remember the past, and be kind.â
She breathed; and then said mournfully: âOh what shall I do? I donât love you, and I much fear that I never shall love you as much as a woman ought to love a husband. If you, sir, know that, and I can yet give you happiness by a mere promise to marry at the end of six years, if my husband should not come back, it is a great honour to me. And if you value such an act of friendship from a woman who doesnât esteem herself as she did, and has little love left, why Iâ âI willâ ââ
âPromise!â
ââ âConsider, if I cannot promise soon.â
âBut soon is perhaps never?â
âOh no, it is not! I mean soon. Christmas, weâll say.â
âChristmas!â He said nothing further till he added: âWell, Iâll say no more to you about it till that time.â
Bathsheba was in a very peculiar state of mind, which showed how entirely the soul is the slave of the body, the ethereal spirit dependent for its quality upon the tangible flesh and blood. It is hardly too much to say that she felt coerced by a force stronger than her own will, not only into the act of promising upon this singularly remote and vague matter, but into the emotion of fancying that she ought to promise. When the weeks intervening between the night of this conversation and Christmas day began perceptibly to diminish, her anxiety and perplexity increased.
One day she was led by an accident into an oddly confidential dialogue with Gabriel about her difficulty. It afforded her a little reliefâ âof a dull and cheerless kind. They were auditing accounts, and something occurred in the course of their labours which led Oak to say, speaking of Boldwood, âHeâll never forget you, maâam, never.â
Then out came her trouble before she was aware; and she told him how she had again got into the toils; what Boldwood had asked her, and how he was expecting her assent. âThe most mournful reason of all for my agreeing to it,â she said sadly, âand the true reason why I think to do so for good or for evil, is thisâ âit is a thing I have not breathed to a living soul as yetâ âI believe that if I donât give my word, heâll go out of his mind.â
âReally, do ye?â said Gabriel, gravely.
âI believe this,â she continued, with reckless frankness; âand Heaven knows I say it in a spirit the very reverse of vain, for I am grieved and troubled to my soul about itâ âI believe I hold that manâs future in my hand. His career depends entirely upon my treatment of him. O Gabriel, I tremble at my responsibility, for it is terrible!â
âWell, I think this much, maâam, as I told you years ago,â said Oak, âthat his life is a total blank whenever he isnât hoping for âee; but I canât supposeâ âI hope that nothing so dreadful hangs on to it as you fancy. His natural manner has always been dark and strange, you know. But since the
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