A Gentleman of Leisure P. G. Wodehouse (list of ebook readers TXT) đ
- Author: P. G. Wodehouse
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Spike uttered a moan of self-pity.
âBoss,â he cried, âIâve had a raw deal. Dereâs bin coarse work goinâ on. Listen! Itâs dis way. Honest, I didnât know dis was where you lived. A fat Swedeâ âOle Larsen his monaker isâ âtells me dis house belongs to a widder-loidy what lives here all alone, and has all kinds of silver and all dat, and sheâs down Soutâ visiting, so dat de house is empty. Gee, Iâm onto his curves now. Iâm wise. Listen, boss. Him and me starts a scrappinâ last week over sometâin, and I tâinks heâs got it in bad for me, because I puts it all over him. But târee days ago up he comes and says, âLetâs be frenâs,â and puts me wise on dis joint. Iâll soak it to dat Swede! Dis was what he was woikinâ for. He knows you lives here, and he tâinks to put me in bad wit youse. Itâs a raw deal, boss!â
The big man listened to this sad tale of Grecian gifts in silence. Not so the bulldog, which growled ominously from start to finish. Spike glanced nervously in its direction.
âDe dawg,â he persisted uneasily. âWonât you call on de dawg, boss?â
The big man stooped and grasped the animalâs collar, jerking him away.
âThe same treatment,â suggested Jimmy, with approval, âwould also do a world of good to this playful and affectionate animalâ âunless he is a vegetarian, in which case donât bother.â
The householder glowered at him.
âWho are you?â he demanded.
âMy name,â began Jimmy, âisâ ââ
âSay,â said Spike, âheâs a champion burglar, bossâ ââ
âEh!â he said.
âHeâs a champion burglar from de odder side. He sure is. From Lunnon. Gee, heâs de guy! Tell him about the bank you opened, and de jools you swiped from de duchess, and de what-dâye-call-it blowpipe.â
It seemed to Jimmy that Spike was showing a certain want of tact. When you are discovered by a householderâ âwith revolverâ âin his parlour at half past three in the morning, it is surely an injudicious move to lay stress on your proficiency as a burglar. The householder may be supposed to take it for granted. The side of your character which should be advertised in such a crisis is the non-burglarious. Allusion should be made to the fact that as a child you attended Sunday-school regularly, and to what the curate said when you took the Divinity prize. The idea should be conveyed to the householderâs mind that, if let off with a caution, your innate goodness of heart will lead you to reform and avoid such scenes in future.
With some astonishment, therefore, Jimmy found that these revelations, so far from prejudicing the man with the revolver against him, had apparently told in his favour. The man behind the gun was regarding him rather with interest than disapproval.
âSo youâre a crook from London, are you?â
Jimmy did not hesitate. If being a crook from London was a passport into citizensâ parlours in the small hours, and, more particularly, if it carried with it also a safe-conduct out of them, Jimmy was not the man to refuse the role. He bowed.
âWell, youâll have to come across now youâre in New York. Understand that. And come across good.â
âSure, he will,â said Spike, charmed that the tension had been relieved and matters placed upon a pleasant and businesslike footing. âHeâll be good. Heâs next to de game, sure.â
âSure,â echoed Jimmy courteously. He did not understand; but things seemed to be taking a turn for the better, so why disturb the harmony?
âDis gent,â said Spike respectfully, âis boss of de cops. A police captain,â he corrected himself.
A light broke upon Jimmyâs darkness. He wondered he had not understood before. He had not been a newspaperman in New York for a year without finding out something of the inner workings of the police force. He saw now why the otherâs manner had changed.
âPleased to meet you,â he said. âWe must have a talk together one of these days.â
âWe must,â said the police captain significantly.
âOf course, I donât know your methods on this side, but anything thatâs usualâ ââ
âIâll see you at my office. Spike Mullins will show you where it is.â
âVery well. You must forgive this preliminary informal call. We came in more to shelter from the rain than anything.â
âYou did, did you?â
Jimmy felt that it behoved him to stand on his dignity. The situation demanded it.
âWhy,â he said, with some hauteur, âin the ordinary course of business I should hardly waste time over a small crib likeâ ââ
âItâs banks for his,â murmured Spike rapturously. âHe eats dem alive. And jools from duchesses.â
âI admit a partiality for jewels and duchesses,â said Jimmy. âAnd now, as itâs a little late, perhaps we had betterâ âReady, Spike? Good night, then. Pleased to have met you.â
âIâll see you at my office.â
âI may possibly look in. I shall be doing very little work in New York, I fancy. I am here merely on a vacation.â
âIf you do any work at all,â said the policeman coldly, âyouâll look in at my office, or youâll wish you had when itâs too late.â
âOf course, of course. I shouldnât dream of omitting any formality that may be usual. But I donât fancy I shall break my vacation. By the way, one little thing. Have you any objection to my carving a âJâ on your front door?â
The policeman stared.
âOn the inside. It wonât show. Itâs just a whim of mine. If you have no objection.â
âI donât want any of yourâ ââ began the policeman.
âYou misunderstand me. Itâs only that it means paying for a dinner. I wouldnât for the worldâ ââ
The policeman pointed to the window.
âOut you get,â he said abruptly. âIâve had enough of you. And donât you forget to come to my office.â
Spike, still deeply mistrustful of the bulldog Rastus, jumped at the invitation. He was through the window and out of sight in the friendly darkness almost before the policeman had finished speaking. Jimmy remained.
âI shall be delightedâ ââ he had begun, when he stopped. In the doorway
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