The Lying, the Witch, and the Werewolf (Down & Dirty Supernatural Cleaning Services Book 4) Kate Quinn (read this if txt) 📖

hope she doesn’t make a bigger mess. It’s about a fifty-fifty chance these days. Maybe her newfound clean lifestyle and togetherness will surprise me. Or maybe I’ll return to find that I have no more clients and just as many unpaid bills as I did when I left.

In the office, I find Hepa and Nico with their heads together. After she did such a great job updating my systems, I’ve been bugging Nico to hire her too. But he’s been resistant. Maybe having his computer blow out yesterday changed his mind.

“Paige, you’re early,” he says. Catching sight of Shit, he adds, “You’re not bringing your pet.”

“Are you going to watch him while I’m gone?” I counter.

“I can’t,” Nico answers. “I have a lot going on right now. Can’t Shauna or Darron watch him?”

“They also have a lot going on. Plus, Dalmanthers are, like, this cult’s spirit animal or whatever,” I tell him. “Shauna had to tell me that, even though you promised you’d do the prep work.”

He considers. “I just don’t want you to have any distractions,” he tells me with a shrug. “I need you focused and available.”

“I will be one hundred percent on task,” I assure him as Shit lays across my feet in the most adorable way. “That’s wight,” I baby talk, leaning down to scratch behind his ear. “Nuffin is going to distwact mamma, is it?”

Shit stands up on his hind legs and I notice he has a little red rocket, or is “showing me his lipstick” as Shauna always says. “Dude. Now is not the time,” I tell him.

Nico and Hepa look over and Nico laughs. Hepa rolls her eyes.

“Put it away,” Hepa says, waving her hand. Shit’s exposed member shoots back into its sheath so fast it’s audible, and he rolls onto his feet, alarmed.

“Holy shit,” I say, staring at Hepa’s hand. “You’re going to have to teach me that one. It might be useful in the sex cult.”

Hepa shakes her head. “Sorry, witches only.”

“Speaking of which,” Nico adds. “I brought Hepa in to give us a hand with communication.”

“That was the lowest of low-hanging fruit puns,” I say, but then laugh anyway, because puns are my kryptonite. “So wait,” I add, “Hepa isn’t here to help upgrade your old timey computer?”

“Nah,” Nico gives the old processor a pat. “It just needed a little cool down.”

I roll my eyes but don’t argue.

“You look good,” Nico tells me, sizing me up in my boho clothes. “You read the research I sent you?”

My eyebrows furrow. “I didn’t get an email.”

“I didn’t send an email, I left a packet on your front porch.”

What is this? The olden days? “I didn’t see it—” Aw, crap. I suddenly have a pretty good idea of where that packet went. “VSK visited me again last night,” I tell Nico. “Wrote a message in blood on my porch. I think he took your packet too.”

Nico stares at me, then at Shit and back to me again. “You have the best guard dog in existence. How did that asshole even get near your house without Shit tearing him to pieces?”

“Shit was sleeping with me in my bed,” I tell Nico.

His eyebrows go up. “Oh yeah? When I was helping to guard your house, you offered me the couch.”

I smile sweetly. “Well, Shit’s a very good good boy.”

Nico grins back at me. “I’ve been told I’m very good as well.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hepa interrupts, “We’ve all read your Yelp reviews. Very thorough. Satisfaction guaranteed.”

I snicker, but then remembering VSK, quickly sober. “What was in that packet? I really don’t want him hunting me down at this cult.”

“It was just general information about the cult,” Nico assures me. “Nothing that says you’re going there or will be undercover. It’d be a pretty big leap for him to guess that on his own.”

That’s true. I take a deep breath, feeling a little bit better. I gotta stop letting VSK get into my head like this.

“Okay,” I say. “So about that missing information...Shauna told me a few things. Maybe we can go over everything else in the car? I left my gun at home.” That was hard, I carry it almost everywhere, but there’s no way I could sneak it in. “I know I’ll have to leave my cell phone with you.”

“Yeah, they don’t allow any personal phones on the premises,” Hepa tells me. “And they’re serious about it. They go through your bags and confiscate anything that might be used to communicate with the outside world.”

“How cultish of them,” I say.

“That stops here,” Nico tells me. “No Together We Come acolyte would call them a cult. Their philosophy is a movement. Their compound is a commune.”

“Got it,” I nod. Commune. Philosophy. Movement.

Hepa walks to my suitcase and without asking unzips it and starts rifling through it. “What is all this shit?” she asks. As she pushes my clothes aside, I can see her hand is about to close around the Thunderstick. Yes, I brought it. I’m going to a sex cult and I’m gonna get some—even if it’s only from myself.

But that doesn’t mean I want my Thunderstick waved around in front of Nico’s face again. Not when the humiliation from the first time is still fresh.

“Hey, you’re getting my clothes messed up,” I object, which is true. I use a special fold and roll packing technique that Hepa has pretty much destroyed. Dropping to the floor beside her, I toss some shirts over the Thunderstick and pick up the whole bundle so the vibrator is hidden between the fabric.

“Aren’t you only going for two days?” Hepa asks. “You have five different shirts here.”

“I’m sorry if I never packed for a cult getaway before!” I tell her. Nico clears his throat. “A Together We Come spiritual retreat,” I correct. Hepa ignores me and continues to rifle. “Do you mind?”

Hepa sighs and then gives me one of her looks. Hepa is the type of person who doesn’t suffer fools gladly—and she thinks pretty much everyone is a fool.

“Do