The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman Laurence Sterne (short novels to read .txt) 📖

always the last cast-year of the last cast-almanac”⁠⸺⁠I tell you plainly it was; but from a different reason than you wot of⁠⸺⁠

⸺⁠It was the year next him⁠⸺⁠which being, the year of our Lord seventeen hundred and twelve, when the Duke of Ormond was playing the devil in Flanders⁠⸺⁠the corporal took it, and set out with it afresh on his expedition to Bohemia.

The Story of the King of Bohemia and His Seven Castles, Continued

In the year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and twelve, there was, an’ please your honour⁠⸺⁠

⸺⁠To tell thee truly, Trim, quoth my uncle Toby, any other date would have pleased me much better, not only on account of the sad stain upon our history that year, in marching off our troops, and refusing to cover the siege of Quesnoi, though Fagel was carrying on the works with such incredible vigour⁠—but likewise on the score, Trim, of thy own story; because if there are⁠—and which, from what thou hast dropt, I partly suspect to be the fact⁠—if there are giants in it⁠⸺⁠

There is but one, an’ please your honour⁠⸺⁠

⸺’Tis as bad as twenty, replied my uncle Toby⁠⸺⁠thou should’st have carried him back some seven or eight hundred years out of harm’s way, both of critics and other people: and therefore I would advise thee, if ever thou tellest it again⁠⸺⁠

⸺⁠If I live, an’ please your honour, but once to get through it, I will never tell it again, quoth Trim, either to man, woman, or child⁠⸺⁠Poo⁠—poo! said my uncle Toby⁠—but with accents of such sweet encouragement did he utter it, that the corporal went on with his story with more alacrity than ever.

The Story of the King of Bohemia and His Seven Castles, Continued

There was, an’ please your honour, said the corporal, raising his voice and rubbing the palms of his two hands cheerily together as he begun, a certain king of Bohemia⁠⸺⁠

⸺⁠Leave out the date entirely, Trim, quoth my uncle Toby, leaning forwards, and laying his hand gently upon the corporal’s shoulder to temper the interruption⁠—leave it out entirely, Trim; a story passes very well without these niceties, unless one is pretty sure of ’em⁠⸺⁠Sure of ’em! said the corporal, shaking his head⁠⸺⁠

Right; answered my uncle Toby, it is not easy, Trim, for one, bred up as thou and I have been to arms, who seldom looks further forward than to the end of his musket, or backwards beyond his knapsack, to know much about this matter⁠⸺⁠God bless your honour! said the corporal, won by the manner of my uncle Toby’s reasoning, as much as by the reasoning itself, he has something else to do; if not on action, or a march, or upon duty in his garrison⁠—he has his firelock, an’ please your honour, to furbish⁠—his accoutrements to take care of⁠—his regimentals to mend⁠—himself to shave and keep clean, so as to appear always like what he is upon the parade; what business, added the corporal triumphantly, has a soldier, an’ please your honour, to know anything at all of geography?

⸺⁠Thou would’st have said chronology, Trim, said my uncle Toby; for as for geography, ’tis of absolute use to him; he must be acquainted intimately with every country and its boundaries where his profession carries him; he should know every town and city, and village and hamlet, with the canals, the roads, and hollow ways which lead up to them; there is not a river or a rivulet he passes, Trim, but he should be able at first sight to tell thee what is its name⁠—in what mountains it takes its rise⁠—what is its course⁠—how far it is navigable⁠—where fordable⁠—where not; he should know the fertility of every valley, as well as the hind who ploughs it; and be able to describe, or, if it is required, to give thee an exact map of all the plains and defiles, the forts, the acclivities, the woods and morasses, thro’ and by which his army is to march; he should know their produce, their plants, their minerals, their waters, their animals, their seasons, their climates, their heats and cold, their inhabitants, their customs, their language, their policy, and even their religion.

Is it else to be conceived, corporal, continued my uncle Toby, rising up in his sentry-box, as he began to warm in this part of his discourse⁠—how Marlborough could have marched his army from the banks of the Maes to Belburg; from Belburg to Kerpenord⁠—(here the corporal could sit no longer) from Kerpenord, Trim, to Kalsaken; from Kalsaken to Newdorf; from Newdorf to Landenbourg; from Landenbourg to Mildenheim; from Mildenheim to Elchingen; from Elchingen to Gingen; from Gingen to Balmerchoffen; from Balmerchoffen to Skellenburg, where he broke in upon the enemy’s works; forced his passage over the Danube; cross’d the Lech⁠—push’d on his troops into the heart of the empire, marching at the head of them through Fribourg, Hokenwert, and Schonevelt, to the plains of Blenheim and Hochstet?⁠⸺⁠Great as he was, corporal, he could not have advanced a step, or made one single day’s march without the aids of Geography.⁠⸺⁠As for Chronology, I own, Trim, continued my uncle Toby, sitting down again coolly in his sentry-box, that of all others, it seems a science which the soldier might best spare, was it not for the lights which that science must one day give him, in determining the invention of powder; the furious execution of which, renversing everything like thunder before it, has become a new æra to us of military improvements, changing so totally the nature of attacks and defences both by sea and land, and awakening so much art and skill in doing it, that the world cannot be too exact in ascertaining the precise time of its discovery, or too inquisitive in knowing what great man was the discoverer, and what occasions gave birth to it.

I am far from controverting, continued my uncle Toby, what historians agree in, that in the year of our Lord 1380, under the reign of Wencelaus, son of Charles the Fourth⁠⸺⁠a certain priest, whose name was Schwartz, show’d