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seat in between us without moving her view.

“What now?” she said, as she slowed for a T-junction with no signs showing the way.

“St Buryan,” I said, pulling out the Sat Nav from the glove compartment and handing it over to Alex after trying to turn it on with my left hand.

She nodded and found the town. Letting the minicomputer choose the route, she took the first left on the deserted road.

As the van rolled forward, I watched the numbers in the corner fall from sixty.

As we drove along, I felt restless in the seat. I couldn’t get comfortable, despite my fidgeting. It wasn’t the pain in my hand, but something else I couldn’t put my finger on that wouldn’t let me settle.

“We’re stopping for a change of clothes, too,” she said after a few moments.

I closed my eyes, the thought of the candlelit bath coming into focus.

“And painkillers and food.”

I let a smile bloom as we rolled down the narrow country road which was only just wide enough for the white lines to mark the two lanes. The stretch of my lips fell as Toni’s image appeared in my mind; her bruised face and curled lip drew my guilt back from where it had rested.

I heard her voice as she made the call which brought me here. The call that tempted me back to her. I’d fallen all the way down the rabbit hole at her command. She’d called me for help. She said she needed me, but was it the reason I came? Or was it the want of a story or a break from the monotony of my life?

Alex said my name, pulling me from the trance and I turned from the window, opening my eyes even though they hadn’t shut.

When she didn’t speak again, I drew back to the road and saw the junction leading four ways. I looked to the little screen and saw we needed to head straight over, but the giant concrete cubes blocked the way and even if we could get past, cars were parked the other side with their doors open, boot lids high, glass missing from the windows. Bodies lay across the road, more adding to the total in my head as the van trundled on, slowing with each passing moment.

I saw soldiers, civilians and a tear caught in my eye as I watched a young body in a red top, its colour leeching to the road. My gaze caught on a column of black smoke rising in the distance, then on another.

Five more fires scattered across the view, but it wasn’t until I saw a figure walking towards us from between the cars, a line of blue seen through the great hole in their once pristine white coat, that the emptiness returned to my stomach and I closed my eyes.

“Oh my god, Toni. What have you done?”

87

“Get the camera out,” I said, turning to Alex.

“What, here?” she said, staring back wide-eyed as the van rocked to a stop.

“We’ve got to film this,” I said, motioning out to the roadblock. “We’ve got to let people know. This is how we can help. This is how we can make a difference.”

Alex stared at me for what felt like a long while, but as we both turned to the figure, I could see she’d only made it a few steps closer to us.

Alex wiped her mouth on the back of her hand as she took a hard swallow.

“This is…,” she said, but couldn’t finish. “Back there…” she said, trying again. “Wasn't that the end? I thought we'd seen it all. I thought we were heading away from the trouble.”

I nodded. I’d thought the same. I’d thought we were in the middle, the epicentre, but here the military had been stopping people getting out of somewhere we wanted to go. They were stopping people going north and it wasn’t difficult to guess why they were trying to get away.

“So did I,” I said, sliding along the seats. I twisted toward her, sucking back the pain as I placed my left hand on her shoulder. “There’s no dressing it up. This couldn’t be worse. It could be the end of the country. The end of the world. But imagine if people could know what’s coming. Imagine if they had a chance to prepare, or to even just lock their doors because they know what’s heading their way. If we,” I said, giving as much emphasis on the words as I could spare, “if we could expose what’s happening and who’s pulling the strings, we might stop it from going any further.”

If only I could live through the night without killing you.

For a moment I wasn’t sure if I’d voiced the last words.

Alex looked to my good hand as it drifted down her arm and I pulled away, watching her brow lower.

“We need to tell the world,” I said. I wasn’t ashamed of the pleading in my tone. “We need to find those who did this. We tell everyone what they’ve done.”

Alex turned back to the road without a reply. I watched as her gaze fixed on the child’s body which lay alone. I watched as she followed the road before lingering on the creature, stumbling every other moment as it passed between the concrete blocks, its white eyes fixed square on our windscreen.

Alex nodded, but didn’t turn in her seat.

“But not here. We need to keep safe,” she said, her voice flat and void of emotion. “We need to find somewhere to rest and get out of these wet clothes.” She nodded as she spoke. “We need food and to figure out how these cameras of yours work.”

I looked out through the windscreen with a slight smile rising on my lips. She was right. If we did this right here, we were

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