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doing what.

“I wish I could have skipped school today,” Katy says, flopping down next to us. “I’m surprised you didn’t Hannah.”

“I have tests today. My mom said I had to be here.” By the time the bell rings for the end of lunch, the three of us have gone over everything we’ve packed. Only a math and a biology test stand between me and the most important weekend of my life. I can do this.

I’m waiting for my mom to pick me up after school, when Olivia crashes past me, Tyler in hot pursuit. “Sorry!” she calls over her shoulder. “Tyler, don’t you dare! I have to go!” she shouts as Tyler catches up to her and tosses her over his shoulder. He smacks her butt, hard by the sound of it, and she shrieks with laughter as he jogs them both over to her car. Is it weird that seeing him touch her like that makes my breath catch and my stomach clench? Yeah, that’s weird. Stop it, Hannah. He’s not even breathing hard when he puts her down. I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from them as he leans down to kiss her, caging her in between his arms as he leans against her car door. My breath is coming faster as he slowly pulls away from her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Hannah!” my mom calls and I start. Oh my god, I’m such a creeper. My face on fire, I run over to the car and hop in, checking to make sure all my stuff is in the back. I keep my head turned to the back seat until I can catch my breath and feel my face cool off.

“Hey sweetie, how was school?” she asks. She pulls out of the parking lot and we hit the road to Orange County and my next chance at my dream. I tuck my hands between my thighs so I don’t do something totally weird like fan my face.

“Uh…” I try to gather my thoughts. All I can see are the muscles of Tyler’s back and arms flexing as he scooped Olivia up. “Good, it was good. Math test was better than I thought it would be.” I manage to spit out.

“That’s good. Gosh, it feels like it’s been ages since I picked you up from school. I miss hearing about your day in the car,” my mom grins at me. “So, ready for this weekend?”

“Yup. I think. I mean. Yes.” I nod my head decisively. “I’m nervous, but I have to just do it now. You know?”

“This is always the hardest part, the waiting right before it happens. Walk me through what you’re nervous about.” My mom always does this when I say I’m nervous. She has me tell her all the things I imagine could go wrong and then we think of a plan to solve all of those problems. It usually helps. “What are you nervous about right now?”

“Well, we could get stuck in terrible traffic and get there late.” I start.

“Well, there is definitely going to be terrible traffic, we are driving through LA at four in the afternoon. But, that’s why we left now, remember? If there’s no traffic we’ll just get to the hotel super early and have time to shower. And if it takes longer we will still be there by dinner time. I’ll take you to the master classes and then go check into the hotel without you. Absolute worst case, you skip the classes and get an early night. Good plan?”

I yawn and consider it for a second. “Yes. Good plan. Okay, so what if I have a terrible class tonight and it makes me anxious for tomorrow?”

“Well, did you talk to Ms. Parker about it?”

“Yeah, she said that I should take the class tonight easy. Focus on getting a good barre in and don’t worry about anything. It’s an optional class, no one is judging it.” Technically, Ms. Parker said that if I got anxious I should skip class and do my own barre at the hotel, but I desperately want to take any chance I can to be seen by the teachers here.

“Well, that sounds like a good plan to me.”

“What if I get a run in my tights?”

“You have extras packed. Worst case, I’ll go buy you new ones.”

“What if I get my period?!” Visions of the beautiful pale peach tutu I borrowed from Ms. Parker with a red stained crotch assault my mind and my breath starts coming faster and faster.

“Didn’t you just have it a week ago? I packed tampons just in case, anyway.”

Oh. “Um, yeah. Okay. I forgot.” Trust my mom to remember the details.

We go back and forth like this as we slowly crawl through LA traffic. The sun is shining through my window, warming me. Leaning against the window to feel the warmth on my face, the gentle rumble and rocking of the car lulls me to sleep.

“Come on Hannah. Just leave it.” Olivia pulls me away from the door. “Let’s go make up dances in your room,” she pleads.

“Okay, but why is my mom crying?” I saw my mom hugging Olivia’s mom and crying while they were sitting on the couch. Even my dad and Mr. Beck looked like they were crying, standing there kind of helplessly. “What’s going on Olivia?” I asked, pulling my hand free of hers.

She looks at me with her big blue eyes and shrugs. “I don’t know, they won’t tell me,” she whispers. “My mom’s been going to the doctor a lot, but no one will tell me what’s going on. But I don’t think she’s pregnant again. They would tell me, right?” Olivia’s voice drops down to a whisper. Her mom got pregnant a year earlier when we were in fifth grade and Olivia was super excited to finally be a big sister. I was too, but then her mom had a miscarriage. It was so sad. Olivia and I had

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