Journey from St. Petersburg to Moscow Irina Reyfman (snow like ashes .TXT) 📖

Juices stirred up by my thoughts flowed to the head while I slept and, disturbing the tender substance of my brain, stimulated in it the imagination.30 Countless pictures appeared to me in my sleep, but vanished like thin vapors in the air. Finally, as can happen, some sort of mental fiber, strongly stirred by the vapors rising up from the internal vessels of the body, vibrated longer than the others, and this is what I saw in my dream.

It appeared to me that I was the Tsar, Shah, Khan, King, Bey, Nabob, Sultan, or something else from these designations for one sitting in power on the throne.

The place of my enthronement was made from pure gold and, cleverly clad with precious stones of different colors, shone radiantly. Nothing could compare with the brilliance of my raiment. My head was adorned with a laurel wreath. Around me were disposed signs attesting my power. Here a sword lay on a column carved from silver. On it were depicted naval and land battles, the conquest of cities, and more in that vein. Everywhere at the top one could see my name, borne by the Genius of Fame, flying over all these triumphs. Here my scepter was visible, laid out on sheaves laden with wheaten spokes carved out of pure gold and imitating nature perfectly. Hung on a firm beam scales were showing. On one of the scales lay a book with the inscription “Law of Mercy”; on the other there was also a book with the inscription “Law of Conscience.” The royal orb, carved out of a single stone, was being supported by a gaggle of cherubs carved from white marble. My crown was elevated higher than everything and reposed on the shoulders of a mighty giant, its edging supported by Truth. A serpent of enormous proportion, forged from shining steel, lay entwined round the entire base of the royal seat and, clasping the end of its tail in its maw, represented eternity.

But these inanimate depictions did not declare my might and majesty on their own. The ranks of government stood around my throne, catching my glances with timid obsequiousness. At a certain distance from my throne an innumerable multitude of people thronged: their motley clothes, facial expressions, deportment, appearance, and bearing heralded the difference between their tribes. Their nervous silence assured me that they were all subject to my will. On the sides, on a somewhat elevated spot, women in great numbers stood in the most enchanting and magnificent clothes. Their glances revealed their pleasure in beholding me, and their desires would have been quick to anticipate my own if they happened to recur.

The most profound silence presided in this assembly. It seemed that all were in expectation of some important event upon which the peace and welfare of the entire society depended. Turned inward and feeling within my soul deeply rooted boredom arising from a monotony that quickly palls, I rendered my debt to nature and stretching my mouth from cheek to check yawned with all my might. All understood the emotional workings of my soul. Suddenly, dismay cast its gloomy veil over the features of merriment, the smile flew off the mouth of tenderness, and the gleam of jubilation from the cheeks of satisfaction. Twisted glances and glaring round revealed an unexpected onset of horror and pending woes. Sighs were heard, the piercing harbingers of sorrow; and groaning, restrained by the presence of terror, had begun to resound. Already with swift steps did despair progress in the hearts of all, and mortal convulsions, worse than death itself.—Moved to the depths of my heart by such a sorrowful sight, the muscles of my cheeks imperceptibly stretched toward my ears and by distending my lips produced in the features of my face a crookedness similar to a smile, after which I sneezed very loudly. Just as when a ray of the midday sun pierces a gloomy atmosphere thickened by a heavy fog, its vital heat disperses the moisture condensed into steam and decomposes it, whereupon the lighter part rises rapidly into the immeasurable space of the ether and another, retaining in itself only the mass of its earthly particles, rapidly falls downward: darkness, omnipresent in the nonexistence of the luminous globe, instantly, entirely disappears and, having hastily cast off its impenetrable mantle, flies off on the wings of the momentary, leaving behind not even a trace of its presence.—The look of sadness, settled on the faces of the entire assembly, dispersed, then, with my smile, elation speedily penetrated the hearts of all and not a single sideways look of dissatisfaction remained. All began to exclaim: “Long may our great ruler flourish, long may he live!” Similar to a gentle afternoon breeze that sways the foliage of trees and produces in the oaks a concupiscent rustling was the joyous murmuring that carried across the entire meeting. One in a low voice uttered, “He pacified external and internal enemies, expanded the boundaries of the fatherland, subjugated to his might thousands of different nations.” Another exclaimed, “He enriched the state, he expanded internal and external commerce, he loves the arts and sciences, encourages tillage and manufacture.” Women tenderly proclaimed, “He did not permit thousands of useful citizens to perish, saving them from a fatal end before they could suckle.” Another person with grave demeanor declared, “He increased the revenue of the government, relieved the people of tax burdens, supplied them secure nourishment.” The young, extending in ecstasy their hands to the sky, spoke, “He is merciful, just, his law is the same for all, he considers himself its first servant. He is a wise lawgiver, a righteous judge, a zealous upholder of the law, he is greater than all kings, he grants liberty to all.”

Speeches of this kind, striking the tympanum of my ear, reverberated loudly in my soul. These praises looked plausible in my mind, since they were accompanied by external displays of sincerity. Taking