Manners and Social Usages by Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood (great book club books TXT) 📖

of careful

education, training, and good mental powers. “To write a pretty

note” is also somewhat of a gift. Some young men and young girls

find it very easy, others can scarcely acquire the power. It is,

however, absolutely necessary to strive for it.

 

In the first place, arrange your ideas, know what you want to say,

and approach the business of writing a note with a certain

thoughtfulness. If it is necessary to write it hastily, summon all

your powers of mind, and try to make it brief, intelligible, and

comprehensive.

 

Above all things, spell correctly. A word badly spelled stands

out like a blot on a familiar or a ceremonious note.

 

Do not send a blurred, blotted, slovenly note to any one; it will

remain to call up a certain prejudice against you in the mind of

the recipient. The fashion is not now, as it once was, imperative

that a margin be left around the edge of the paper. People now

write all over the paper, and thus abolish a certain elegance

which the old letters undoubtedly possessed. But postage is a

consideration, and all we can ask of the youthful letter-writers

is that they will not cross their letters. Plaid letters are the

horror of all people who have not the eyes of a hawk.

 

No letter or note should be written on ruled paper. To do so is

both inelegant and unfashionable, and savors of the school-room.

Every young person should learn to write without lines.

 

The square cards are much used, and are quite large enough for the

transmission of all that a lady ordinarily wishes to say in giving

or accepting an invitation. The day of the week and the address

are often printed on the card.

 

Square envelopes have also driven the long ones from the table of

the elegant note-writer, and the custom of closing all ceremonious

notes with sealing-wax is still adhered to by the most fastidious.

It would be absurd, however, to say that it is nearly as common as

the more convenient habit of moistening the gummed envelope, but

it is far more elegant, and every young person should learn how to

seal a note properly. To get a good impression from an engraved

stone seal, anoint it lightly with linseed-oil, to keep the wax

from adhering; then dust it with rouge powder to take off the

gloss, and press it quickly, but firmly, on the melted wax.

 

Dates and numerical designations, such as the number of a house,

may be written in Arabic figures, but quantities should be

expressed in words. Few abbreviations are respectful. A married

lady should always be addressed with the prefix of her husband’s

Christian name.

 

In this country, where we have no titles, it is the custom to

abbreviate everything except the title of “Reverend,” which we

always give to the clergy. But it would be better if we made a

practice of giving to each person his special title, and to all

returned ambassadors, members of Congress, and members of the

Legislature the title of “Honorable.” The Roman Catholic clergy

and the bishops of the Episcopal and Methodist churches should be

addressed by their proper titles, and a note should be, like a

salutation, infused with respect. It honors the writer and the

person to whom it is written, while a careless letter may injure

both.

 

CHAPTER XVIII.

COSTLY THY HABIT.

 

We are often asked as to the appropriate dress to be worn at

afternoon tea, at balls, at dinners, christenings, etc.

 

Neatness and simple elegance should always characterize a lady,

and after that she may be as expensive as she pleases, if only at

the right time. And we may say here that simplicity and plainness

characterize many a rich woman in a high place; and one can always

tell a real lady from an imitation one by her style of dress.

Vulgarity is readily seen even under a costly garment. There

should be harmony and fitness, and suitability as to age and times

and seasons. Every one can avoid vulgarity and slovenliness; and

in these days, when the fashions travel by telegraph, one can be

� la mode.

 

French women have a genius for dress. An old or a middle-aged

woman understands how to make the best of herself in the assorting

and harmonizing of colors; she never commits the mistake of making

herself too youthful. In our country we often see an old woman

bedizened like a Figurante, imagining that she shall gain the

graces of youth by borrowing its garments. All this aping of

youthful dress “multiplies the wrinkles of old age, and makes its

decay more conspicuous.”

 

For balls in this country, elderly women are not expected to go in

low neck unless they wish to, so that the chaperon can wear a

dress such as she would wear at a dinner—either a velvet or

brocade, cut in Pompadour shape, with a profusion of beautiful

lace. All her ornaments should match in character, and she should

be as unlike her charge as possible. The young girls look best in

light gossamer material, in tulle, crepe, or tarlatan, in pale

light colors or in white, while an elderly, stout woman never

looks so badly as in low-necked light-colored silks or satins,

Young women look well in natural flowers; elderly women, in

feathers and jewelled head-dresses.

 

If elderly women with full figure wear low-necked dresses, a lace

shawl or scarf, or something of that sort, should be thrown over

the neck; and the same advice might be given to thin and scrawny

figures. A lady writes to us as to what dress should be worn at

her child’s christening. We should advise a high-necked dark silk;

it may be of as handsome material as she chooses, but it should be

plain and neat in general effect. No woman should overdress in her

own house; it is the worst taste. All dress should correspond to

the spirit of the entertainment given. Light-colored silks,

sweeping trains, bonnets very gay and garnished with feathers,

lace parasols, and light gloves, are fit for carriages at the

races, but they are out of place for walking in the streets. They

may do for a wedding reception, but they are not fit for a picnic

or an excursion. Lawn parties, flower shows, and promenade

concerts, should all be dressed for in a gay, bright fashion; and

the costumes for these and for yachting purposes may be as

effective and coquettish as possible; but for church, for

readings, for a morning concert, for a walk, or a morning call on

foot, a tailormade costume, with plain, dark hat, is the most to

be admired. Never wear a “dressy” bonnet in the street.

 

The costumes for picnics, excursions, journeys; and the sea-side

should be of a strong fabric, simple cut, and plain color. Things

which will wash are better for our climate. Serge, tweed, and

piqu� are the best.

 

A morning dress for a late breakfast may be as luxurious as one

pleases. The modern fashion of imitation lace put on in great

quantities over a foulard or a gingham, a muslin or a cotton, made

up prettily, is suitable for women of all ages; but an old

“company dress” furbished up to do duty at a watering-place is

terrible, and not to be endured.

 

It has been the fashion this season to wear full-dress at

weddings. The bride and her maids have appeared with low neck and

short sleeves in the cold morning air at several fashionable

churches. The groom at the same time wearing morning costume. It

is an era of low necks. The pendulum of fashion is swinging that

way. We have spoken of this before, so only record the fact that

the low neck will prevail in many summer evening dresses as well

as for morning weddings.

 

The very tight fashion of draping skirts should make all women

very careful as to the way they sit down. Some Frenchman said he

could tell a gentleman by his walk; another has lately said that

he can tell a lady by the way she sits down. A woman is allowed

much less freedom of posture than a man. He may change his

position as he likes, and loll or lounge, cross his legs, or even

nurse his foot if he pleases; but a woman must have grace and

dignity; in every gesture she must be “ladylike.” Any one who has

seen a great actress like Modjeska sit down will know what an

acquired grace it is.

 

A woman should remember that she “belongs to a sex which cannot

afford to be grotesque.” There should never be rowdiness or

carelessness.

 

The mania for extravagant dress on the stage, the _pieces des

robes_, is said to be one of the greatest enemies of the

legitimate drama. The leading lady must have a conspicuous display

of elaborate gowns, the latest inventions of the modistes. In

Paris these stage costumes set the fashions, and bonnets and caps

and gowns become individualized by their names. They look very

well on the wearers, but they look very badly on some elderly,

plain, middle-aged, stout woman who has adopted them.

 

Plain satins and velvet, rich and dark brocades, made by an

artist, make any one look well. The elderly woman should be able

to move without effort or strain of any kind; a black silk well

made is indispensable; and even “a celebrity of a by-gone day” may

be made to look handsome by a judicious but not too brilliant

toilette.

 

The dress called “complimentary mourning,” which is rather a

contradiction in terms, is now made very elegant and dressy. Black

and white in all the changes, and black bugles and bead trimming,

all the shades of lilac and of purple, are considered by the

French as proper colors and trimmings in going out of black; while

for full mourning the English still preserve the cap, weepers, and

veil, the plain muslin collar and cuffs, the crape dress, large

black silk cloak, crape bonnet and veil.

 

Heavy, ostentatious, and expensive habiliments are often worn in

mourning, but they are not in the best taste. The plain-surfaced

black silks are commendable.

 

For afternoon tea in this country the hostess generally wears a

handsome high-necked gown, often a combination of stamped or

brocaded velvet, satin, and silk. She rarely wears what in England

is called a “tea-gown,” which is a semi-loose garment. For

visiting at afternoon teas no change is made from the ordinary

walking dress, unless the three or four ladies who help receive

come in handsome reception dresses. A skirt of light brocade with

a dark velvet overdress is very much worn at these receptions,

and if made by a French artist is a beautiful dress. These dark

velvets are usually made high, with a very rich lace ruff.

 

The high Medicean collar and pretty Medicean cap of velvet are in

great favor with the middle-aged ladies of the present day, and

are a very becoming style of dress for the opera. The present

fashion of full dress at the opera, while it may not improve the

music, certainly makes the house look very pretty and stately.

 

Too many dresses are a mistake, even for an opulent woman. They

get out of fashion, and excepting for a girl going out to many

balls they are entirely unnecessary. A girl who is dancing needs

to be perpetually renewed, for she should be always fresh, and the

“wear and tear” of the cotillion is enormous. There is nothing so

poor as a dirty, faded, and patched-up ball-dress; the dancer had

better stay at home than wear such.

 

The fashion of sleeves should be considered. A stout woman looks

very badly in