Where We Used to Roam Jenn Bishop (red white royal blue TXT) 📖

“Have you seen her?” she asked.

At first I thought she meant Kennedy, but then I realized she meant Becca.

“Not today, no.”

I wasn’t sure if Becca had even come to school. After everything that happened, I figured the last person she wanted to see was me, so I hadn’t tried to walk to school with her. It was a C day, which meant she had math at the high school. Maybe she’d gone straight there?

“Oh.” Lucy grew quiet, but she didn’t leave. There was clearly something else she wanted to say, but if she didn’t say it soon, she’d be saying it to my locker because I had track practice. Well, not really much of a practice since all the meets were over. But the coach wanted us to get together for one last run as a team. “Ken really didn’t mean this—any of it. She feels so bad, Emma. Please, hear her out.”

“She feels bad? Look, I get it, but I’m sorry, I have to go.”

I left her there and jogged down the hall and stairs, almost tripping over them a few times.

As I walked back home after track, all I could think about was the RISD summer camp in July. Two whole weeks at Lucy’s grandma’s place with her and Kennedy. I didn’t think I could do it, but Mom and Dad had already sent in the deposit, and if I told them I didn’t want to go anymore, they’d want to know why, and then I’d have to tell them about everything that happened at Camp McSweeney, and everything before. And I couldn’t.

They were already worried about Austin. They didn’t have any room left to worry about me.

I was almost home when I heard footsteps behind me, like someone was closing in on me. I was used to that sound from track—I got passed a lot—but it didn’t usually happen when I was walking. I looked over my shoulder and was startled to see Becca there.

“What?” she said as my eyes caught hers. “You going to meow at me too?”

“Becca, I would never.”

“You told her. Why would you do that?”

“I’m sorry, Becs. It was an accident. I—”

“An accident? How? How do you accidentally tell someone about that? It wasn’t and you know it. You might as well own it.” She crossed her arms.

“Well, the whole thing wouldn’t have even happened if you’d just grow up like everyone else.”

Her face right then, it looked like I’d hit her. And I guess I had, only with words.

Becca, I didn’t mean it. But those words got lodged in my throat. Why did that keep happening to me? Why was it so, so hard to say the things I needed to say? There were so many other words stuck in there with them. Things I should’ve said to Mom, Dad, Austin, Kennedy. I was all clogged up.

She marched away from me in her too-big T-shirt and those shorts that looked like something my dad would wear, too long and cargo. Sometimes it felt like she did it on purpose. Like every part of her was some revolt against middle school.

It was my fault and it was her fault. And Kennedy’s. It was everyone’s fault. And I had no idea how to fix any of it.

When I was finally safe in my own house, I heard Mom on the phone in the kitchen. “You really think this could work? Oh, Delia, you’re a lifesaver. Let me talk it over more with Tony tonight. I’ll—great—sounds good—I’ll be in touch.” She raised her voice. “E? Is that you?”

Mom’s eyes lit up as she rounded the corner. “Oh, such an abundance of good news today. Finally. We found an abstinence-only rehab center that will take Austin and—” She stopped midsentence when she saw my face. “Everything okay, hon?”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Emma. You sure?”

“Just a weird day,” I lied. “Saying goodbye to my C-day teachers and stuff.” I pasted on a smile. I had to, right? I was part of the team and the team was doing well today. I had to be on the same page as the rest of my teammates.

“In any case, I made an appointment for that counselor in Cambridge for tomorrow right after school. That sound good to you?”

“Sure.”

I kept my happy face on for the next fifteen minutes, following Mom into the kitchen while she got out some cheese and crackers and cut vegetables for us to snack on. When Mom decided to go for a run, I grabbed my phone and flipped through the text messages, not sure how to respond to any of them.

I wanted to be able to tell someone what was going on. Not some stranger I’d never met before, like that counselor I’d see tomorrow. A friend. But I couldn’t trust Kennedy and Lucy, not after what had happened at Camp McSweeney. They couldn’t keep a secret, and that’s what this was. At least, I thought so. Mom and Dad hadn’t said either way, but it felt like a secret.

But Becca, she could keep a secret. And Becca loved Austin like a brother.

But I couldn’t tell her now. No, I’d ruined what we used to have. Possibly forever.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

The following afternoon, Mom sat across from me at the new Froyo place in Harvard Square. “I’d like to talk to you about an idea Dad and I had—for you, for this summer.”

I stared into my melty froyo. Clearly I’d left my appetite back at Camp McSweeney. “For me?”

“Delia and her husband, Chris, offered to have you come stay with them in Wyoming for the summer. They’re both really excited to host you, that is, if you’re up for it. It could be an adventure.”

She was shipping me off to Wyoming to spend the summer with strangers. “Mom, I don’t even know them.” I stabbed my spoon hard into my frozen yogurt and left it there. She wasn’t serious, was she?

“That’s not true, Em.”

“The last time I saw them I