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Striker, how about you give me a hand getting set up?” the man said.

“Sure,” I responded and followed him over.

“Grab some of that wood. We will have three separate lodges. Each will need a hefty pile of wood.”

I started to take wood to each of the stone huts. There seemed to be dried mud caked in between the stones, and then at the top of the structure, there was a small opening for smoke to exit. When I ducked my head to enter through the doorway, I found a circular stone pile in the center of the hut. I stacked the wood near the center where it would be easy to grab and went to get more.

“What all happens in one of these sweat lodge things?” I asked.

“People experience many things. I’ve had some experience anything from pain relief to a complete spiritual experience. One woman who had lost her husband said that she got to say goodbye. One of the more touching stories I’ve heard. But for the most part, it is about thanks, kindness, healing, seeking wisdom, and purifying your mind, body, and soul.”

I remained silent, thinking about Lucy. How it would feel if I had one last opportunity to say goodbye. I straightened up and got back to work. One of the reasons I was here was because I think I was meant to be here. Somewhere along the way, I had lost myself, the real me, hiding it from everyone, and it was time to fix it.

“You know, for someone with your kinds of abilities, it can be quite overwhelming.”

“My abilities?”

“Yes, you are of the mystic world. Just like us, you have a deeper connection with Mother Earth.”

“I’ve never felt a deeper connection,” I replied.

“That’s because you’re blocked,” he said, pointing at the center of my chest. “If you’ll let me, I can help you clear out that old pain and trauma and bring the light and joy back in.”

“There’s no joy for me. I don’t deserve it,” I murmured to myself.

“Oh no, everyone deserves joy. Just because you’ve had a lot of sadness in your life doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy. You just have to find the happiness you are willing to let in.”

I continued to remain silent.

“It’s all right. We will work on it. I can feel your pain seeping into the earth. She’s ready to take it from you and let you be at peace.”

“There’s no peace for me. I’ve lost the only light in my life.”

“Don’t be afraid of the darkness. There is a balance between the light and the dark. A give and take. When darkness takes, there will be light that is left. It’s our own job to find that light and hold onto it.”

I nodded.

“Let’s get the rest of the wood gathered, and then you can help me make the tea.”

“Tea?”

“Yes, we will use all the traditional tobacco and herbs in the lodge, but I find that some people searching for purity and understanding will do the best with a mixture of rose hips, elderberry, rooibos tea, and psilocybe mushrooms.”

“Magic mushrooms?” I asked.

He chuckled. “Yes, it gives those without an open mind an opportunity to be open.”

I could see how that would work. I’d stayed away from recreational drugs my whole life. I wasn’t about to try them now just to give myself the opportunity to feel better about Lucy and Taylor’s death.

“It will be all right. There’s not much in the tea. Not enough for you even to notice a difference. But if you’re concerned then you can see the others tonight and make your decision another night. I recommend coming to the sweat lodge at least three or four times this week.”

➣ Chapter 22

Sweat Lodge Part Two

“My name is Ray. This is Jo, and this is Melina. We are here to be your guides. We will be bringing the temperature up to over one hundred degrees. If at any time you feel lightheaded, dizzy, or faint, it is perfectly acceptable to leave. If you feel like you can return, please do, but if not, you can always come in. You are not here to overwhelm your body but to communicate with your mind, body, and soul. When you go into your lodge, find a space around the stones and relax.”

Some were talking amongst the crowd, and then everyone went toward their assigned sweat lodge. I would be with Ray, the eldest and the one who recognized me as mystic, as he guided his group through the experience tonight. I noticed that the women had to be separated from the men, and they would go with the two women guides into different sweat lodges.

I was the last to go into the stone structure. Everyone else had found a spot, and it seemed as if the only place left would be the one right next to Ray. I sat with the group and waited for Ray to join us. He came in and let the thick fabric fall, closing the doorway from outside light and sitting down next to me.

The stones had been heated, and there was good smoke floating toward the ceiling of the lodge. Ray offered tea around the group.

“Traditionally, we would have stripped down in a ceremonial praise. The smudging of the exterior and interior helps purify the mind and body. Sage, cedar, sweetgrass, and tobacco is used in this blend. When tobacco and cedar is combined, the crackling is used to call attention to the spirits. I will be using the drum and chanting. Feel free to join in. The tea is not necessary but can help open your mind to free yourself.”

As Ray got started, sweat started to build up on my skin, and he started to pour tea into wooden bowls. He passed them around. There were only five of us in the lodge, but it was tight. I sat with the tea in front of me, breathing in deeply while others

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