Outlaws Matt Rogers (book recommendations .txt) 📖

She looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

Patient, as always.

He said, ‘It’s you.’

‘Oh?’

‘You, meaning the government, in a broader sense. I know nothing about what goes on behind the scenes. And I’m getting older. I’m not the young bullheaded wrecking ball I used to be. Sure, I can still tap into that when I need to, but it’s not who I am. Deep down. And now I’m starting to realise how much of a pawn I really am.’

‘You’re an operative,’ she said. ‘You carry out tasks for us. There’s entire departments that analyse data to work out which tasks are best for you to carry out. It’s best, for deniability, that—’

‘I know,’ he said, holding up a hand to cut her off. ‘Trust me, I understand the reasoning. It doesn’t change how I feel.’

She nodded.

He said, ‘I don’t want to be sent to places anymore. I don’t want to be on call. Stress is fine. I’ve been swimming in it my whole life. I don’t know anything else. But I want a shot at freedom for once.’

‘You had it,’ she said. ‘You were out. And you came back.’

‘When I was out, I was still using myself as a battering ram. I had nothing in my personal life. I’d just barrel toward danger, over and over again. I never tried anything normal.’

‘You want to give that a shot?’

‘I’d like to try.’

‘No more fighting?’

He shrugged. ‘It depends. If I see someone in trouble, I’ll help. But I won’t go looking for it.’

She said, ‘Have you thought about this? I mean, really thought about it?’

‘Yes.’

‘Has this been brewing for some time?’

‘Yes.’

‘Then why haven’t you told King?’

Silence.

Slater felt King’s own question in her words. It cut through to his core.

He clammed up.

She said, ‘When are you going to tell him?’

‘Soon.’

‘You don’t think he’ll like what he hears?’

‘I think he’ll understand what’s best for me. He tried the same thing, after all.’

‘He did,’ she said. ‘And it didn’t go well.’

‘So I shouldn’t be allowed to try? Because he failed?’

‘I didn’t say that.’

Slater went quiet.

She stood up. ‘I’ll do everything I can to make this go smoothly. But at the end of the day, it’s not up to me.’

He hesitated. ‘What?’

She looked at him. ‘We’re talking as friends now, right? Not professionals.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Then let me tell you something,’ she said, unintentionally lowering her voice. ‘I’m just as much a pawn in this game as you are.’

Silence.

She said, ‘I can vouch for you. I can take your side. But I’m not the one who makes the call to let you out.’

‘I didn’t think I was trapped.’

‘You are. We all are.’

Before he could respond, she turned and made for the door. He leapt off the couch, striding hard, so he came to the entranceway in unison with her. She reached out to grip the handle and he slammed a palm on the door, trapping her inside.

She turned to face him. ‘Not the right move, Will.’

‘I want answers.’

‘You won’t get them. I wasn’t supposed to tell you any of that. If you want me on your side for this, take your hand off the door.’

‘What side?’ he said. ‘I told you I’m done. That’s final. That’s all there is to it.’

She smiled a sad smile. ‘That’s not how it works.’

‘I’m saying it is.’

‘You know things. About how this country is actually run. About what goes on behind closed doors.’

He didn’t respond.

She said, ‘They might not want you running around with those secrets in your head.’

‘Who’s “they?”’

The sad smile fell away.

She recognised that he’d taken pressure off the door, and swung it open. She stepped outside, and he saw the deep exhale catch in her throat. It struck him that she feared him. She feared what he could do to her.

Maybe that’s a good thing.

Maybe I need to use fear to get out of this in one piece.

She said, ‘Trust me. I’ll do what I can. I’m sorry I can’t be any more help. I want the best for you.’

‘Then sort this out.’

The sad smile returned.

She said, ‘It’s not up to me.’

Then she turned and walked away.

He let the door swing shut on its own, whining softly along its trajectory. The lock fell into place, and it clicked closed.

He stood alone.

Understanding, for the first time, that where he fit in the puzzle of the shadow world would only be revealed when he tried to escape from its tendrils.

He looked toward an uncertain future. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d just upset the status quo. Stirred the invisible pot.

The way he saw it, their talk couldn’t have gone any worse.

25

Loitering in his own entrance way, King heard the faintest sound outside.

Slater’s door, opening and closing.

He paused a beat, then quietly opened his own door, but instead of seeing Violetta standing there, he caught a flash of blond hair disappearing into the waiting elevator down the hall.

And then she was gone.

It mustn’t have gone well, but that wasn’t what unsettled him the most. It was that she hadn’t confided in him. Whatever they’d discussed, it had been between the two of them, and whatever conclusions had been reached had caused Violetta to flee the building. Which meant panic. She hadn’t even taken the time to give him a heads up.

Like, Hey, that really didn’t go well, and I need to regroup with my team to discuss it.

He lingered in his own doorway for a few seconds, then made to take a step back, sealing himself back in his domain. But he couldn’t do it. His foot froze in mid-air, and before he knew it he’d stepped outside. His door swung shut behind him. It made a soft thud as it clicked into place, which seemed to seal his decision.

He made straight for Slater’s door.

Stepped up to it, raised a fist to knock against the wood.

Before he could make contact, the door swung open in his face.

Slater stood at his full height, shoulders back, chin raised. If he was intimidated by his talk with Violetta, he sure as hell