Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life Jason Goodwin (free ebook novel .TXT) 📖

Survivors of abuse often develop fears ofabandonment. Sometimes this is because our needs for love andattention were never adequately met. As we grow into adults, westay in abusive relationships because we are afraid of beingabandoned again.

It is logical for a child to believe thathe/she will die if he/she loses a relationship with a caregiver.Children are helpless and completely dependent on adults for theirsurvival. But as we grow into adulthood, our fears of abandonmentbecome illogical and self-destructive. As adults, we do not need toaccept abuse from others. We do not have to remain in abusiverelationships. We have a choice.

Our lives become dysfunctional when wecontinue to act out unhealthy behavior patterns we learned inchildhood. The part of us that smokes cigarettes, drinks alcohol,uses drugs, or is addicted to sex is often child-like in nature. Itcares only about the way it feels, and it wants to feel betterright now. There is no calculation of the cost and no considerationof the future. This part of us is immature and impatient.

Have you ever watched a smoker who’s gone toolong without a cigarette? They get irritable. I know, because Ismoked cigarettes for over ten years. The addicted part of us wantsour cigarette/pacifier right now.

At a young age, children are driven primarilyby emotions. When they feel sad, they cry. When they feel happy,they smile. When they want something, they scream and yell.Children are very aware of their feelings, and they actaccordingly.

As adults, we learn to delay gratification.We learn to consider the future. We come to understand that wesometimes need to make sacrifices today in order to have a betterlife tomorrow. We develop greater patience and realize that, evenif we can’t get all of our needs met this instant, we may be ableto fulfill some of our needs in the future.

Our inner child needs us, and we need ourinner child. The inner child is the part of us that helps us tohave fun. To let down our hair and “boogie” on the dance floor. Tofeel happy and carefree on a sunny day. To give thanks for thebeautiful things in life.

For those of us who were sexually abused aschildren, our inner child was deeply scarred. This pain is thereason our inner child continues to act out. Sexual abuse oftencreates a whirlwind of painful emotions that do not go away untilwe allow ourselves to feel them and release them.

Much of what our inner child feels is grief.My inner child has shed many tears. Neglected or abused childrenoften act out in self-destructive ways. Children experience pain ona very deep level. When a child experiences something traumatic, itmay affect them for a very long time. A child who experiencessomething as traumatic as sexual abuse may struggle with that painfor the rest of his/her life.

At first, you may feel some resistance toworking with your inner child. It may seem silly at first. Yes,here I am, talking to myself. No, really, I’m not crazy. I’m justtrying to heal every part of me. Yes, there are many differentparts of us. Some of them carry a lot of pain.

To make this process easier, I named my innerchild Jacob and created a mental picture of what he looked like. Ifound that, whenever I spoke to Jacob, my mind knew exactly whichpart of me I was talking to.

This part of me, the child deep inside whoendured the pain of sexual abuse, was able to make himself known.He acts out when he is afraid. He feels hurt and abandoned when arelationship doesn’t work out. And he wants to be loved, cared for,and protected just like any other child.

Having compassion for our inner child meanshaving compassion for ourselves. As children, we may have neverreceived the love we wanted. As adults, it is our responsibility toprovide ourselves with as much love as we can. It is ourresponsibility to care for our inner child, the part of us thatneeds it the most.

At first, my inner child rejected the love Iwas sending him. He felt so angry and bitter about the abuse. Jacobrefused to believe that anyone could possibly love him. He hadbuilt up defensive walls to protect himself, and he was not aboutto let anyone in.

But I continued sending him love, and Irepeated kind words to him. Most of the time, he became very upset.He would break down, scream and yell, push me away, or get veryangry. He didn’t want to hear it.

But persistence always pays off. I was notabout to give up on an abandoned, lonely child within myself.

In the past, I had smoked cigarettes or drankalcohol to try to numb the pain of my childhood. But my addictionsonly further injured a part of me that already felt a great deal ofpain.

So I bombarded Jacob with love, and heresponded with tears, screaming, and agony. It was the pain that Ineeded to release. The pain of sexual abuse escaping from theprison of my mind.

There is nothing I can say to explain howgood it feels to allow your pain to pass through you and out ofyou. Over time, we begin to feel that our pain is slowly destroyingus from within. Emotional pain can fuel our addictions andunhealthy behaviors.

It may be scary to face our pain, but it ismuch worse to avoid it. Every time we cry, a part of us is healed.A part of us is set free. A part of us is reborn. I know from pastexperience and please believe me. It is better to love your innerchild.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #1: Inner Child Work and AbandonmentIssues

-The inner child feels:

1. Needy

2. Vulnerable

3. Scared

-The inner child gets:

1. Angry

2. Resentful

3. Sensitive

-The inner child acts:

1. Controlling

2. Manipulative

3. Hostile

-The inner child fears:

1. Abandonment

2. Rejection

3. Physical Pain

My inner child is the part of me that wassexually abused. During the abuse, he felt abandoned by his abusersand abandoned by God. The work I do with my inner child is helpingto improve my self-esteem.

When I send my inner child love, I begin torelease the pain of my past. My inner child feels afraid. He feelsvulnerable when I tell him how much I love