Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life Jason Goodwin (free ebook novel .TXT) 📖

Of course, accepting what happened to us doesnot mean condoning it. We do not approve of what our abusers did,and we may not be ready to forgive. Acceptance simply meansacknowledging and allowing the truth. We need to grieve and let goof what happened in our past so that we can move to the next stageof our lives.

Letting go happens when we reach the end ofour fear. It is a tremendous gift when we can finally release ouranger.

For many of us, sexual abuse leads to deepcontrol issues. There is no way to change what happened to us, andthere may have been nothing we could have done to prevent theabuse. Addictions and negative behaviors feed off our desire forcontrol. These compulsive behaviors can choke and stagnate thenatural flow of our lives.

Many of us tried to control our feelings inorder to avoid the pain. We learned that terrible things can happento us when we lose control. Terrible things like sexual abuse.

At some point during the abuse, we began tohold on to our pain instead of releasing it. Instead of letting ourpain pass through us and out of us, we tried harder and harder tochange the way we felt. We were so angry with our abusers. Wewanted control over our bodies, our minds, and the direction of ourlives.

What did we do with our angry feelings? Whatdid we do with our pain?

I believe we wanted to let go. We wanted torelease our feelings of shame, guilt, pain, and self-loathing. Wewanted to delete the past somehow, or figure out how to heal.

I used to believe that if I drank enoughalcohol, my pain would magically disappear. I smoked cigarettes formore than ten years to feel more confident and take away feelingsof anxiety and depression. At one point, I believed that if I couldonly find someone who would love me enough, it would make me feelbetter about myself.

What do you think I got for all of mymisguided efforts? Bleeding ulcers, smoker’s cough, bronchitis,kidney pain, addiction, low self-esteem, shame, guilt, and furtherabuse. I was attracted to women who reminded me of my abusers and Istayed with them because I felt like I needed their love. I abusedmyself with chemicals that made me feel worse about myself, notbetter. My attempts at feeling better and letting go were a totalcatastrophe.

The only way to release pain and negativefeelings is to allow them to happen. Another word for accepting isallowing. If I had allowed myself to cry, I would not have had todrink. If I had allowed myself to grieve my losses, I would nothave had to stay with partners that abused me.

In so many ways, I did not want to feel. Whyis it so hard to allow ourselves to feel our feelings? When weallow ourselves to cry, don’t we eventually feel better? When weallow ourselves to feel powerless about sex, won’t we eventuallylet go of our obsessive need to control it? When we allow ourselvesto feel unloved, doesn’t God, a friend, or a pet eventually show usthat they love us? We don’t need to be so afraid of ourfeelings.

The worst thing that ever happened to me whenI allowed myself to grieve is that I had to call in sick so I couldcry and spend some time alone. That experience didn’t kill me. I’mstill here, and I’m healthier because of it.

Allow yourself to experience your feelings.Allow yourself to grieve. It is the way to let go.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #1:Letting Go

I don’t understand why I feel so much painlately. Why do I feel this way?

(My wise, inner voice): You have decided thatyou will never again accept abuse from other people. There’s noreason to hold onto your pain anymore. You can let go of it. Whenyou reject abuse from others, it means you are ready to begin torelease the pain of your past.

It’s true. I have decided that I will nolonger accept abuse from others. I have decided that my self-esteemis more important than any relationship.

I need to let go of my fears, and the onlyway to do that is to allow myself to feel them.

Fear keeps me holding on. Fear makes me wantto numb my feelings. Fear keeps me in addiction and despair. Fearpushes me to try and control things I cannot and should notcontrol.

(My wise, inner voice): You can let go ofyour fear. You can allow yourself to feel your pain. This is anatural process.

The core of this issue is my desire tocontrol the way I feel. I don’t always need to be in control. I canallow myself to feel afraid. I can allow myself to cry. I can allowmyself to let go.

Exercise 13-1

Grieving Exercises

1. Ask yourself if there’s anything you needto grieve. Is there any pain you’ve been holding onto or avoiding?Something you haven’t wanted to face about the abuse or yourchildhood? Take this opportunity to let go. Cry and release in asafe place if you need to.

2. Take some time to think about yourrelationship with your abuser or abusers. Who were they? What wastheir relationship to you? How did they treat you? Did you everwish they had been different? Do you still wish they were someonethey can never be? Cry and release in a safe place if you needto.

3. Think about your childhood. What was itlike? Were you made to act like an adult at a young age? Did youhave a traditional childhood, or was it cut short? Did you loseyour innocence or your dreams for a better life? Cry and release ina safe place if you need to.

4. Think about the abuse. Was it painful?Were you afraid? What hurt the most? The physical abuse, theemotional pain, the fear, or the betrayal? Cry and release in asafe place if you need to.

5. Think for a moment about how you havetreated yourself as a result of the abuse. Have you hurt yourselfwith addictions? Have you put yourself in unsafe situations? Haveyou subjected yourself to further abuse? Cry and release in a safeplace if you need to.

Stepping Stones to Health

Grieving

-Try to identify where you are in thestepping-stones to