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as I looked at my life at home, I kept picturing you there with me, it was crazy,” he laughed, “We have two years left here Carly, that’s a long time.”

“I know it is….but it’s just…I have really strong feelings for Jase, I don’t want to hurt you. You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had,” I rolled my eyes. “I may regret this but I need to see where he and I go from here.”

“Alright, I get it. Is he okay with you and I hanging out?”

“Oh, well he knows we have class together.”

“How does he feel about that?”

I smiled, “Not sure.”

“I see, Professor Higgins emailed me about the project, will you be continuing on?”

“Yes.”

“Perfect,” Brad smiled and then winked. “Take your time figuring it all out.”

Brad walked me to my car and smiled, “I am going to kiss you goodnight, don’t return it.”

Before I could object, his hand was on the back of my head and his lips were on mine, I know I should have pulled away, I really should have, but it was sweet an innocent. No tongue, no rush, no strings.

“Goodnight Carly,” he stepped back as I got in the car and he watched as I drove away.

~

When I got home I told Mom what had happened and she smiled, “He’s a great guy. Thomas likes him a lot. And he’s willing to wait for you.”

“No… that’s not what he said Mom, and it’s not what I want.”

“Okay.”

I called Jase and when he answered I could tell I woke him. I told him about what had happened. All of it except that I kind of liked it. I wouldn’t let it happen again, I couldn’t. I loved Jase Steel. And Jase Steel loved me.

Over the next month Brad and I worked diligently on the project. I didn’t go to dinner with him when he asked, and he treated me no differently than before. He was truly amazing.

I had even begun to meet a few friends. Janet was fun, she and I had a few classes together and she was interested in the same books as I was, (yeah, THOSE books). Brad was hanging out more with his swim team which was good, yes it was good. I missed him a little, but still not like Jase, not even close.

~

“You in bed, baby?”

“Yeah, very tired. How is…”

“Little Bell is great, she’s loving her new school, and even has a few new friends. Her birthday is the weekend before I see you so get this shit: I’m hosting a pajama party for five, five and six year olds. I mean seriously these parents are out of their minds letting some pierced, tattooed, single Dad keep their kid’s overnight. What the fuck is wrong with people?”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “I’m sure they can see through the piercings, and you only have a couple tattoos. It’s not like you look like Cyrus or Zandor.”

“Yeah, but what will they think when they drop their kids off and they’re here?”

“Well, who cares, right?”

“Never did before,” he chuckled, “But it matters now.”

“Okay, look… give me your brother’s numbers. All of them I will deal with them.”

“I got it, Baby,” he laughed, “Mom and Charlotte will be here and I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“I want to help, it’s a big deal.”

“That’s very sweet but I have it covered,” Jase yawned.

“Did you do decorations?”

“What?”

“Like a theme, what is the theme?”

“It’s a six year old girl’s birthday party, a sleep over.”

“Okay good, I’m going to….” I grabbed my laptop and Googled party themes.

“What are you going to do?”

“Give me your address,” I was excited.

“Why?”

“Party supplies, of course.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Jase, come on. Let me do something, please, please, please?”

“You could have been,” Jase stopped, “I’ll text you the address.”

“I could have been what Jase?” I have no idea why I asked, I knew what he was going to say.

“Nothing, it’s just hard to juggle two different lives. Look, I appreciate that you want to help and I shouldn’t have said anything. Shit just changes, you know.”

“I know,” I also knew I was going to cry. I felt the heat in my eyes, stupid heat!

“Alright I am going to head to bed. School in the morning, no more sleeping in for me or Bella,” he forced a small laugh.

“Goodnight Jase,” I did the same.

“Goodnight, Carly.”

His life was changing and I felt this twinge of jealousy which made me sick to my stomach. I would not ever be that person, jealous over someone’s child. It was sick and I wouldn’t do it. I know it’s not jealousy, I just want it to be perfect for her, and for Jase.

So here I go down the dark path I never thought I would travel. A world only desperate women traveled. I grabbed my purse and dug out my wallet. I opened my laptop and took a deep breath before I headed down this dark road, emotional shopping boulevard here I come.

I loaded up the cart, streamers balloons, cute little hats, noise makers, and anything I could find that had anything to do with sleepovers and birthdays. Man did it feel good! Next I went on a birthday present rampage. I couldn’t believe how much fun this was! When I finished, I did a happy dance and then grabbed my phone to text Jase. I looked at the clock and decided it could wait for the morning.

~

I woke and looked at my phone, no ‘good morning’ text from Jase. Come to think about it, he hadn’t sent a text saying goodnight nor did he say I love you Baby at the end of our conversation. Well he was tired, and overwhelmed. Forgiven.

-Good morning…C

My phone rang immediately, “Hey, sorry,” he whispered into the phone.

“Don’t be sorry, and why are you whispering,” I whispered back.

He didn’t answer right away I heard a door shut, “Baby, do you know how much a five year old can vomit?” he asked sarcastically.

“Aw, is she sick?”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “Poor kid woke up right after

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