Johnny & I : The Island Daria Paus (fun books to read for adults txt) 📖

He shook his head and muttered, “No.”

Sadness washed over me and I started to regret bringing it up. His sudden, raw honesty wasn’t what I’d expected. The meaning behind the tattoo was just one more detail I hadn’t been prepared to hear. The fouled anchor—tangled, broken and useless. Caught in the darkness, unable to rise. Was it how he saw himself?

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

He snorted. “I’ve proven this anchor wrong all my life; it’s a bit too late to change now.”

“It’s never too late.”

He looked at me, emotion clear on his face. “I’m here, aren’t I? Running away.”

I couldn’t deny that. But who wouldn't run from a situation like the one he was stuck in?

“You’ll go back, and you’ll deal with it.”

Turning his gaze away, he mumbled, “It’s easy for you to say.”

“I won’t pretend to understand, but I know how it feels to be humiliated, to be used and lied to. To be laughed at.”

“The bullying?”

“That, and then there was a guy. He was an asshole, only, I didn’t see it at the time.”

“What happened?”

I groaned, regretting bringing it up. My ex wasn't the smartest topic to bring up. Johnny looked at me, waiting for me to speak. “I was young and dumb and in love, he used that to . . . you know?” I grimaced, not wanting to say the word in front of Johnny. Dropping my gaze onto my lap, I went on. “I thought I was his girlfriend, and I guess I was, for one night. The next day he dumped me in front of his mates. They all laughed. And they kept on laughing behind my back for the rest of that semester.” I dared a glance at Johnny. His face was hard, expression grim as he looked back at me.

“Fucking—”

I held up a hand, cutting him off. “It’s ok. That’s my point. I got over it. And you will get over this, too.”

He let out a sharp exhale, shaking his head at me. “You’re one of a kind, you know that?”

I giggled, asking the exact same question as I’d asked before. “Is that a good or a bad thing?”

As expected, he handed me the same reply. “Fucking good.”

I grinned. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

We both fell silent.

My mind started to wander. That intrusive thought once again tried to remind me of its existence. Something I couldn’t grasp. A thought, a memory, I wasn't sure which, but somewhere out of reach it was floating.

Johnny spoke up. His voice abruptly bringing me back to reality and I shook my head to clear it from annoying thoughts. Hadn't I promised myself to enjoy the moment?

“You ok?”

I nodded, then sighed. I didn’t want to lie to him.

“I don’t remember much from the accident,” I said. “I woke up on the beach, but before that it’s mostly blank. I have a feelin’ I’m missin’ somethin’. Somethin’ important.”

I felt his hand on my arm and looked up.

“It’ll come back when you’re ready,” he said. “You went through something terrifying, it’s normal to—" He gestured with his eyes to my head. “You know, repress things.”

I nodded. Studying his face, I got the impression he knew all too well what he was talking about.

“Somethin’ terrifyin’ happened to you, too, didn’t’ it?”

He didn’t look away, and the small nod made the worry about my own mental health vanish in a flash.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “My life has been a constant fuck up since day one; should’ve learned to live with it by now.”

My eyes grew wide, and he seemed to realize what he’d said. He muttered something I couldn’t hear, then shook his head.

“You can tell me,” I coaxed. “You don’t have to. But I’m here if you want two good ol’ ears to listen and a shoulder to cry on.”

He let out a short laugh.

“I’m fine. Thanks though.”

I’d seen through that lie since day one, but I also knew there was no point pushing him.

"How about a swim?" he suddenly said.

I shot the waves a skeptical look. They didn't look inviting, but the thought of being half-naked with Johnny didn't sound all that wrong either.

“Let's do it!"

We left our stone and went back to the little beach, and the nervousness hit again like a bolt of electricity. I hesitated, but Johnny had already begun unbuttoning his shirt. Sucking in a quivering breath, I followed his example, taking off my clothes before I had the chance to change my mind. At this moment I thanked God I’d been wearing a bikini instead of regular underwear the day the storm had hit. It was a good bikini, turquoise with little orange patterns to match my hair.

"Ready?" he asked, snapping me out of my thoughts once again. I didn't dare to look at him, but felt his eyes burn into my skin. Images of last night’s intimacy came washing over me in waves more powerful than the ocean itself. My cheeks turned red and the warmth of the blush spread through my body.

I took a few deep breaths to calm my pulse. "Ready."

∞∞∞

We stumbled through the front door wet and shivering. Johnny took my hand and together we headed for the bathroom. This time he switched on a much softer lamp as we entered, and the room transformed. The bathroom I’d seen before looked totally different in the soft warm light. It was romantic and inviting, the kind of atmosphere I’d only seen in movies and never thought I’d find myself thrown into in real life. I once again found myself rooted to the spot, staring in awe at the setting. I didn’t notice him moving to fill the tub, but all of a sudden it was full. The warm water bubbled and hissed, and a rose scented steam filled the room.

Johnny took my hand again and I looked up at him. Our eyes met and I lost myself in his gaze. Too occupied by staring at him, I didn't see where I put my feet