Here Be Dragons - 1 Sharon Penman (paper ebook reader .TXT) 📖

not""You just do not understand. You do not see Papa every day, as I do. All his life, Papa has been the most decisive of men. Yet now he does nothing. Men expected him to divorce Mama months ago. But he has not. He cannot bring himself to do it... not yet. The wound is still too raw. It's not healing as it ought, Elen, and till it does, I'll do nothing that might add to his pain.""Ah, Davydd . . ." But she did not know what to say, and they walked the rest of the way in silence."AM I intruding, Papa?"Llewelyn shoved his chair back, smiled at his daughter. "An opportune intrusion, lass. As you can see/' he said, gesturing toward the chessboard, "Ednyved has maneuvered me into a right perilous position."Elen closed the door, came forward into the bedchamber. As she did, she could not help envisioning the desperate drama that had been played out in this chamber at Eastertide, and she thought, How can Papa bear to sleep here?"Papa, we do need to talk . . . about Mama."Llewelyn's smile froze, and when Ednyved started to rise, he said, "There is no need to go. Elen, I've told you this before. There is nothing to say.""But there is, Papa, and I beg you to hear me out. Not only for your sake, forDavydd's."Llewelyn pushed his chair back still farther, got to his feet. "Davydd?""Papa, he is being torn in two. He thinks he cannot be loyal to you unless he disavows Mama."Llewelyn frowned. "I never wanted that, would never have asked it of him.""I know, Papa. But until you act, Davydd is not free to act, either. He cannot reconcile with Mama, will not even go to Llanfaes. Papa, do you not see? To go on like this, month after month, with nothing resolved ... it only causes greater pain. It is not fair to you, to Davydd, to me ... or to Mama.""Fair to Joanna?" Llewelyn's voice had taken on a cutting edge, and "en's resolve began to waver; she'd never found it easy to gainsay her father."Please, Papa, hear me out. I'm not defending what Mama has

668T669done, but I do not think she's forfeited all claims to fairness. She was your wife for nigh on twenty-four years. All the love and loyalty she gave you cannot be blotted out as if it had never been, not for one wretched mistake.""Mistake?" he echoed incredulously. "That is rather a quaint way to describe adultery, Elen."Elen was too deeply committed now to recant. "A mistake, Papa She let herself be seduced at a vulnerable time in her life, at a time when you and she were estranged. She erred. But she repented of it, she""Indeed?" he said scathingly. "Was that what she was doing with Will de Braose in my bedpenance?""Nothing happened that night, Papanothing. They were together, yes. But it wasWill's doing, not Mama's. She did not lay with him."Llewelyn's face was very still, suddenly unreadable. Elen took a step closer, and then he said, "Do you expect me to believe that?""I believe it, Papa."They'd all but forgotten Ednyved. He spoke up unexpectedly, laconically. "For what it's worth, Llewelyn, so do I."Llewelyn glanced toward Ednyved, and then away. Could there be any truth toElen's claim? Could it be that Joanna had not brought de Braose into this chamber, into her marriage bed? But why did he care? Why did he want so to believe it?He swung back toward his daughter, said roughly, "That changes nothing. She has never denied laying with de Braose. Does it matter when ... or where? She was unfaithful. She betrayed me. Do you think I could forget that? Or forgive?""No," Elen admitted. "No, I do not. Nor does Mama. Even though she always forgave you.""Just what do you mean by that?"Elen had never meant to go so far. But she could no longer control her tongue, heard herself say, "I mean, Papa, that you were not always faithful to Mama.She knew that, too ... and yet loved you no less."Llewelyn's anger was tempered by disbelief. "What are you saying, Elen? Are you truly likening my occasional lapses to Joanna's adultery with de Braose?"Elen smiled wanly, sadly. "Those were Mama's very words'occasional lapses.'She agrees with you, Papa, sees her sin as unforgivable. But I ... I find myself wondering why marriage vows are only i°r women. Why is it so one-sided, Papa? Why is it so damnably unfair."Because," Llewelyn said bluntly, "if it were not, how would a man ever know if a child was his?" He saw at once, though, that his daughter had given his words a meaning he'd never intended. Elen paled, then held out her hand in instinctive entreaty."You do not doubt that, do you, Papa? You do believe that Davydd arld I are yours?"Llewelyn drew a sharp breath. "Ah, Elen . . ." He swiftly closed the space between them, took her in his arms. "I know you are, lass. I've never doubted that, not even for a moment.""Papa, I want only for you to be happy again. I think I understand yvhy you've not yet divorced Mama. It's . . . it's like repudiating your past, like an amputation of the soul. But sometimes amputation is the only way. You've seen enough battlefield injuries to know that."Elen had rehearsed her plea often enough so that it came readily to her lips now, but she could not altogether stifle a sense of guilt at what she was doing, urging her father to forsake Joanna. Yet what else could she do? IfPapa could not forgive Mama, he had somehow to forget her. But however much she told herself that, she still felt that hers was at once an act of healing and betrayal. Raising up, she kissed Llewelyn on the cheek, then all but ran from the chamber.

Ednyved rose without apparent haste. "Let's leave the rest of the game till the morrow."He had almost reached the door when