Drop Dead Healthy A. Jacobs (good novels to read .TXT) š
- Author: A. Jacobs
Book online Ā«Drop Dead Healthy A. Jacobs (good novels to read .TXT) šĀ». Author A. Jacobs
I wonāt go into detail about our exercise session, but suffice it to say, we fell pretty far short of the hour mark. So depending on how much you believe Fitbitās statsāwhich, frankly, seem a tad low to meāwe didnāt break 88 calories.
Even sadder: The following monthādespite the big plans and the dopamine and the scent of Good & PlentyāJulie and I fell back into our old subaverage schedule. Weāre just not motivated enough. I pledge to seek professional help. Before the end of the project, I plan to see a urologist.
Checkup: Month 7
Weight: 158
Blood pressure: 110/70
Cans of steel-cut oatmeal consumed this year: 11
Average hours per day wearing noise-canceling earphones: 10
Pounds lifted on squat machine (15 reps): 150
To paraphrase James Brown, I feel moderately good. Every day, I look at the digitally aged photo of myself and try to honor Old A.J. Iām eating a little better. The cravings for sugar and salt still wash over me, but theyāre weakening. (And because Iāve weaned myself from salt, my palate has changed. Itās more sensitive. When I break down and have a potato chip, the saltiness is overwhelming, as if Iām emptying a shaker on my tongue.)
At the gym, Tony tries to work me hard enough to make my glasses steam up. āThat was a lens fogger,ā heāll say proudly, after a set of fifty squats.
Iām trying, with moderate success, to control my stress. So Iām self-massaging every day. That is not a euphemism. Studies show that rubbing your own shoulders decreases levels of the stress hormone cortisol. So I rub myself while riding the bus or reading the paper.
My family, though, is becoming impatient with the project. My sons are annoyed that I wonāt eat cupcakes with them at birthday parties, opting instead for a plastic bag of carrots. They keep asking me why itās so important to me that I be healthy.
āItās so I donāt get sick,ā I tell them one day as I spoon my steel-cut oatmeal. āSo I can stay around and be with you for a long, long time.ā
āSo you donāt die?ā says Lucas.
āRight. So I donāt die.ā
I had been avoiding the D-word. But the kids cut right to it. My boys are well aware of death. My twins finish every story they make up with the same phrase: āThen everyone died. The end.ā
It works no matter the subject. āAnd the octopus went to the circus. He saw the lions and tigers and had some cotton candy. Then everyone died. The end.ā Or else, āCurious George climbed up the tree to get his kite. He got his kite. Then everyone died. The end.ā
I donāt think they are being macabre. They are just looking for a tidy way to wrap up a complicated plot. Itās effective, if a tad deus ex machina.
At the same time, they are starting to get concerned about this notion of death.
A few days ago, Lucas told me, āWhen I grow up, I want to be a character in a book so that I never die.ā That broke my heart, and made me want to warn him to avoid his own stories.
Around the same time, Zane begged me to put him on my shoulders so he could touch the ceiling in every room of our apartment. I told him I couldnāt do it right then, but I would later that evening when I got home. āBut what if you die before you get home?ā he asked. I put him on my shoulders. Heās a smart negotiator, and Iām a sucker.
Today, over our Sunday Chinese dinner (which I donāt eat, of course), Zane asked me the dreaded question about what happens to people after they die.
What do I say? I donāt want to patronize them and say weāll all go to heaven, since I remain agnostic about an afterlife. But I donāt want to stress the possibility of a Yawning Void of Nothingness. That could devastate them. A friend of ours has a six-year-old son suffering through a premidlife crisis about his impending lack of existence, saying things like āI know God doesnāt exist because He doesnāt talk to me. So when I die, Iāll be nothing. And I donāt want to be nothing.ā Long crying jags follow.
I decided that admitting my ignorance was the best way to go.
āNo oneās sure what happens. Some people think itās like you go to sleep for a long time, but you donāt dream.ā
They seem to be processing that one.
āAnd some people think we go somewhere called āheaven,ā which is a wonderful place.ā
āI hope that one is true,ā says Julie.
āAnd some people think we wonāt ever die.ā
Julie shoots me a look.
āThereās a man named Aubrey de Grey, and heās got a looong beard.ā I draw my hand from my chin down to my stomach. āAnd heās a scientist. And he says that soon we will be able to keep our cells from getting old. Cells are tiny pieces of us and they sometimes make garbage, and we just have to clean up the garbage. And maybe that would make us live forever.ā
āLike infinity years?ā asks Jasper.
āRight,ā I say. āAnd thereās another scientist named Ray Kurzweil who thinks we may be able to upload our brains into a computer and live forever that way.ā
āBut we donāt have to worry about any of this for a long time,ā says Julie.
Julie thinks Iām doing crazy talk. She tells me so later: āYouāre giving them false hope. Youāre feeding their delusions of immortality.ā Maybe sheās right. But Iāve been steeping myself in books about the life extension movement. Iāve been reading about telomeres and sirtuins. Iāve read how some scientists think the humble lobster may hold some clues to immortality, since aging doesnāt inflict damage on lobster cells. If not for outside forces like disease and predators, the average lobster might just keep on crawling along the bottom of the ocean for centuries.
The science of indefinite life extension isnāt totally fringe anymore. Itās not like Yeti or cold fusion.
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