The Comedy of Errors William Shakespeare (most read books TXT) 📖

epub:type="z3998:persona">Dromio of Ephesus To me, sir? why, you gave no gold to me. Antipholus of Syracuse

Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness
And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

Dromio of Ephesus

My charge was but to fetch you from the mart
Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner:
My mistress and her sister stay for you.

Antipholus of Syracuse

Now, as I am a Christian, answer me
In what safe place you have bestow’d my money,
Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours
That stands on tricks when I am undisposed:
Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?

Dromio of Ephesus

I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders,
But not a thousand marks between you both.
If I should pay your worship those again,
Perchance you will not bear them patiently.

Antipholus of Syracuse Thy mistress’ marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou? Dromio of Ephesus

Your worship’s wife, my mistress at the Phoenix;
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner
And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.

Antipholus of Syracuse

What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave.

Dromio of Ephesus

What mean you, sir? for God’s sake hold your hands!
Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels. Exit.

Antipholus of Syracuse

Upon my life, by some device or other
The villain is o’er-raught of all my money.
They say this town is full of cozenage,
As, nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks,
And many such-like liberties of sin:
If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
I’ll to the Centaur, to go seek this slave:
I greatly fear my money is not safe. Exit.

Act II Scene I

The house of Antipholus of Ephesus.

Enter Adriana and Luciana. Adriana

Neither my husband nor the slave return’d,
That in such haste I sent to seek his master!
Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.

Luciana

Perhaps some merchant hath invited him
And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner.
Good sister, let us dine and never fret:
A man is master of his liberty:
Time is their master, and when they see time
They’ll go or come: if so, be patient, sister.

Adriana Why should their liberty than ours be more? Luciana Because their business still lies out o’ door. Adriana Look, when I serve him so, he takes it ill. Luciana O, know he is the bridle of your will. Adriana There’s none but asses will be bridled so. Luciana

Why, headstrong liberty is lash’d with woe.
There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye
But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in sky:
The beasts, the fishes and the winged fowls
Are their males’ subjects and at their controls:
Men, more divine, the masters of all these,
Lords of the wide world and wild watery seas,
Indued with intellectual sense and souls,
Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls,
Are masters to their females, and their lords:
Then let your will attend on their accords.

Adriana This servitude makes you to keep unwed. Luciana Not this, but troubles of the marriage-bed. Adriana But, were you wedded, you would bear some sway. Luciana Ere I learn love, I’ll practise to obey. Adriana How if your husband start some other where? Luciana Till he come home again, I would forbear. Adriana

Patience unmoved! no marvel though she pause;
They can be meek that have no other cause.
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burden’d with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain:
So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,
With urging helpless patience would relieve me;
But, if thou live to see like right bereft,
This fool-begg’d patience in thee will be left.

Luciana

Well, I will marry one day, but to try.
Here comes your man; now is your husband nigh.

Enter Dromio of Ephesus. Adriana Say, is your tardy master now at hand? Dromio of Ephesus Nay, he’s at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness. Adriana Say, didst thou speak with him? know’st thou his mind? Dromio of Ephesus

Ay, ay, he told his mind upon mine ear:
Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.

Luciana Spake he so doubtfully, thou couldst not feel his meaning? Dromio of Ephesus Nay, he struck so plainly, I could too well feel his blows; and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce understand them. Adriana

But say, I prithee, is he coming home?
It seems he hath great care to please his wife.

Dromio of Ephesus Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad. Adriana Horn-mad, thou villain! Dromio of Ephesus

I mean not cuckold-mad;
But, sure, he’s stark mad.
When I desired him to come home to dinner,
He ask’d me for a thousand marks in gold:
“ ’Tis dinner time,” quoth I; “My gold!” quoth he:
“Your meat doth burn,” quoth I; “My gold!” quoth he:
“Will you come home?” quoth I; “My gold!” quoth he,
“Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?”
“The pig,” quoth I “is burn’d;” “My gold!” quoth he:
“My mistress, sir,” quoth I; “Hang up thy mistress!
I know not thy mistress; out on thy mistress!”

Luciana Quoth who? Dromio of Ephesus

Quoth my master:
“I know,” quoth he, “no house, no wife, no mistress.”
So that my errand, due unto my tongue,
I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;
For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.

Adriana Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home. Dromio of Ephesus

Go back again, and be new beaten home?
For God’s sake, send some other messenger.

Adriana Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across. Dromio of Ephesus

And he will bless that cross with other beating:
Between you I shall have a holy head.

Adriana Hence, prating peasant! fetch thy master home. Dromio of Ephesus

Am I so round with you as you with me,
That like a football you do spurn me thus?
You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither:
If I last in this service, you must case me in leather. Exit.

Luciana Fie, how