Manners and Social Usages by Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood (great book club books TXT) 📖

of an elder

sister is always dignified; the youthful head of a house has a

right to assert herself—she must do it—therefore etiquette bows

to her (as “nice customs courtesy to great kings”).

 

There is very much in the appearance of a woman. It is a part of

the injustice of nature that some people look coquettish who are

not so. Bad taste in dress, a high color, a natural flow of

spirits, or a loud laugh have often caused a very good woman to be

misinterpreted. Such a woman should be able to sit in judgment

upon herself; and remembering that in a great city, at a crowded

theatre, or at a watering-place, judgments must be hasty and

superficial, she should tone down her natural exuberance, and take

with her a female companion who is of a different type from

herself. Calm and cold Puritanical people may not be more

respectable than the fresh-colored and laughing “old maids” of

thirty-five, but they look more so, and in this world women must

consult appearances. An elderly girl must ever think how she

looks. A woman who at a watering-place dresses conspicuously,

wears a peignoir to breakfast, dyes her hair, or looks as if she

did, ties a white blond veil over her locks and sits on a hotel

piazza, showing her feet, may be the best, the most cultivated

woman in the house, but a superficial observer will not think so.

In the mind of every passer-by will lurk the feeling that she

lacks the first grace of womanhood, modesty—and in the criticism

of a crowd there is strength. A man passing such a person, and

contrasting her with modestly dressed and unobtrusive ladies,

would naturally form an unfavorable opinion of her; and were she

alone, and her name entered on the books of the house as “Miss”

Smith, he would not be too severe if he thought her decidedly

eccentric, and certainly “bad style.” If, however, “Miss” Smith

were very plain and quiet, and dressed simply and in good taste,

or if she sat on the sands looking at the sea, or attended an

invalid or a younger friend, then Miss Smith might be as

independent as she pleased: she would suffer from no injurious

comments. Even the foreigner, who does not believe in the

eccentricities of the English mees, would have no word to say

against her. A good-looking elderly girl might say, “There is,

then, a premium on ugliness;” but that we do not mean. Handsome

women can conduct themselves so well that the breath of reproach

need not and does not touch them, and ugly women may and do

sometimes gain an undeserved reproach.

 

There are some people who are born with what we call, for want of

a better name, a pinchbeck air. Their jewellery never looks like

real gold; their manner is always bad; they have the faux air of

fashion, not the real one. Such people, especially if single,

receive many a snub which they do not deserve, and to a woman of

this style a companion is almost necessary. Fortunately there are

almost always two women who can join forces in travelling or in

living together, and the independence of such a couple is

delightful. We have repeated testimony in English literature of

the pleasant lives of the Ladies of Llangollen, of the lives of

Miss Jewsbury and Lady Morgan, and of the model sisters Berry. In

our own country we have almost abolished the idea that a companion

is necessary for women of talent who are physicians or artists or

musicians; but to those who are still in the trammels of private

life we can say that the presence of a companion need not destroy

their liberty, and it may add very much to their respectability

and happiness. There is, no doubt, a great pleasure in the added

freedom of life which comes to an elderly girl. “I can wear a

velvet dress now,” said an exceedingly handsome woman on her

thirtieth birthday. In England an unmarried woman of fifty is

called “Mrs.,” if she prefers that title. So many delightful

women are late in loving, so many are true to some buried love, so

many are “elderly girls” from choice, and from no neglect of the

stronger sex, that to them should be accorded all the respect

which is supposed to accrue naturally to the married. “It takes a

very superior woman to be an old maid,” said Miss Sedgwick.

 

CHAPTER XXVI.

NEW-YEAR’S CALLS.

 

“Le jour de l’an,” as the French call the first day of January, is

indeed the principal day of the year to those who still keep up

the custom of calling and receiving calls. But in New York it is a

custom which is in danger of falling into desuetude, owing to the

size of the city and the growth of its population. There are,

however, other towns and “much country” (as the Indians say)

outside of New York, and there are still hospitable boards at

which the happy and the light-hearted, the gay and the thoughtful,

may meet and exchange wishes for a happy New-Year.

 

To those who receive calls we would say that it is well, if

possible, to have every arrangement made two or three days before

New-Year’s, as the visiting begins early—sometimes at eleven

o’clock—if the caller means to make a goodly day. A lady should

have her hair dressed for the day when she rises, and if her dress

be not too elaborate she should put it on then, so that she may be

in the drawing-room when the first visitor arrives. In regard to

the question of dress, we should say that for elderly ladies black

satin or velvet, or any of the combination dresses so fashionable

now, with handsome lace, and Swedish gloves of pearl or tan color

(not white kids; these are decidedly rococo, and not in fashion),

would be appropriate. A black satin, well made, and trimmed with

beaded passementerie, is perhaps the handsomest dress that could

be worn by any one. Brocaded silk, plain gros grain, anything that

a lady would wear at the wedding reception of her daughter is

suitable, although a plain dress is in better taste.

 

For young ladies nothing is so pretty as a dress of light cashmere

and silk, cut high at the throat. These dresses, in the very

pretty tints worn now, are extremely becoming, warm-looking, and

appropriate for a reception, when the door is being often opened.

White dresses of thick silk or cashmere, trimmed around the neck

with lace, are also very elegant. In all countries young married

women are allowed to be as magnificent as a picture of Marie de

Medici, and can wear on New-Year’s day rose-colored and white

brocaded silks, with pearl trimmings, or plain ciel blue, or

prawn-colored silk over white, or embossed velvet, or what they

please, so that the dress is cut high, and has sleeves to the

elbow. Each lady should have near her an ermine cloak, or a small

camel’s-hair shawl in case of draughts. It is not good taste to

wear low-necked or sleeveless dresses during the daytime. They

are worn by brides on their wedding-day sometimes, but at

receptions or on New-Year’s day scarcely ever.

 

While much magnificence is permissible, still a plain black or

dark silk dress, if well made, with fresh ruffles at neck and

wrists, is quite as proper as anything else, and men generally

admire it more. But where a lady has several daughters to receive

with her, she should study the effect of her rooms, and dress the

young ladies in prettily contrasting colors. This may be cheaply

done by using the soft, fine merinoes, which are to be had in all

the delicate and fashionable shades. Short dresses of this

material are much used; but now that imported dresses are so

easily obtained, a mother with many daughters to dress cannot do

better than buy costumes similar to those worn by economical

French ladies on their jour de l’an. One article of dress is _de

rigeur_. With whatever style of costume, gloves must be worn.

 

A lady who expects to have many calls, and who wishes to offer

refreshments, should have hot tea and coffee and a bowl of punch

on a convenient table; or, better still, a silver kettle filled

with bouillon standing in the hall, so that a gentleman coming in

or going out can take a cup of it unsolicited. If she lives in an

English basement house, this table can be in the lower

dining-room. In a house three rooms deep the table and all the

refreshments can be in the usual dining-room or in the upper

back-parlor. Of course, her “grand spread” can be as gorgeous as

she pleases. Hot oysters, salads, boned turkey, quail, and hot

terrapin, with wines ad libitum, are offered by the wealthy; but

this is a difficult table to keep in order when ten men call at

one o’clock, and forty at four, and none between. The best table

is one which is furnished with boned turkey, jellied tongues, and

p�t�s, sandwiches, and similar dishes, with cake and fruit as

decorative additions. The modern and admirable adjunct of a

spirit-lamp under a teakettle keeps the bouillon, tea, and coffee

always hot, and these, with the teacups necessary to serve them,

should be on a small table at one side. A maid-servant, neatly

dressed, should be in constant attendance on this table, and a

man-servant or two will be needed to attend the door and to wait

at table.

 

The man at the door should have a silver tray or card-basket in

which to receive the cards of visitors. If a gentleman is not

known to the lady of the house, he sends in his card; otherwise he

leaves it with the waiter, who deposits it in some receptacle

where it should be kept until the lady has leisure to examine the

cards of all her guests. If a gentleman is calling on a young

lady, and is not known to the hostess, he sends in his card to the

former, who presents him to the hostess and to all the ladies

present. If the room is full, an introduction to the hostess only

is necessary. If the room is comparatively empty, it is much

kinder to present a gentleman to each lady, as it tends to make

conversation general. As a guest is about to depart, he should be

invited to take some refreshment, and be conducted towards the

dining-room for that purpose. This hospitality should never be

urged, as man is a creature who dines, and is seldom willing to

allow a luncheon to spoil a dinner. In a country neighborhood,

however, or after a long walk, a visitor is almost always glad to

break his fast and enjoy a pickled oyster, a sandwich, or a cup of

bouillon.

 

The etiquette of New-Year’s day commands, peremptorily, that a

gentleman shall not be asked to take off his overcoat nor to be

relieved of his hat. He will probably prefer to wear his overcoat,

and to carry his hat in his hand during his brief visit. If he

wishes to dispose of either, he will do so in the hall; but on

that point he is a free moral agent, and it is not a part of the

duty of a hostess to suggest what he shall do with his clothes.

 

Many letters come to us asking “What subjects should be talked

about during a New-Year’s call.” Alas! we can only suggest the

weather and the good wishes appropriate to the season. The

conversation is apt to be fragmentary. One good mot was evolved

a few years ago, when roads were snowy and ways were foul. A

gentleman complained of the