Conner's Contrary Bride Barbara Goss (books to read in a lifetime .txt) 📖

Conner stared back at his wife, and his heart pounded. What could he say? What could he do? If she died in childbirth, he’d die with her. He loved her twice as much as he’d loved Mary... he had loved Mary, but with Elsie, it was different. His love for her was deep and meaningful. He was afraid to make proper love to his wife because he loved her too much. How could she ever understand that? He had to make her understand. He’d tell her the truth about his fear.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her into their old house, now devoid of furnishings, so they had nowhere to sit except on an old window seat in the sitting room.

Conner pointed to it. “After you. We need to talk.”

Elsie sat and waited for him with a look he could only describe as curious and frightened. He took her hand and rubbed it to put her at ease. Her eyes widened, and he knew she was waiting for him to speak.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could think of to start.

He thought she’d meant to say she was sorry, but she bit her lip, and he knew she wasn’t sorry for the things she’d said to him the night before—she’d meant every word. And he’d deserved every word.

“Come here,” he whispered, holding out his arms.

She moved into his arms stiffly, which wasn’t what she usually did. He had to tell her why he was afraid to have a child. She deserved to know, but he knew it would make no difference to her, and he’d lose the battle. Still, he had to try.

He lifted her chin and gazed into her big blue eyes, filled with both curiosity and hurt. Conner kissed her forehead. “There’s a reason I don’t want you to conceive a child. I’m afraid of losing you.”

“I’ll take that chance,” she said calmly.

“You’ve become my reason for living again. You’ve brought such sunshine into my life. Even your contrary disposition has endeared you to me. I realized that—don’t get me wrong—I loved Mary, but it was nothing like this. You, with your red hair and freckles, have changed my life, and I can’t risk losing you.”

Elsie squeezed his hand. “You led me to the Church and introduced me to God, and I’m so thankful for that. I know that God led me here because He knew you needed me, and I needed you. It was His plan, and whatever happened to the matchmaker’s work, God’s will was done. I can’t believe he’d allow the same thing to happen again, and we won’t let it.”

“I wish there was some way to ensure that,” Conner said.

“Pray for it. I’m willing to go through with it. If I die, I know I’ll go to heaven. It’s like anything else in life—you can’t avoid something because you’re afraid to try. Let God handle it. If it’s His will that I die, I will, whether it’s falling off a horse or giving birth. You can’t stop living, Conner.”

He let her words sink in, and he felt a bit embarrassed that he had been the one to lead her to the Church and God, and he was the one who had lacked the faith.

Conner held both her cheeks in his hands and peered into her eyes. “Maybe I’m guilty of loving you too much—too much to forget that it’s all in God’s hands. I stopped reading my Bible before bed because I was too eager to make love to you.”

“Let’s read it together every night, then. You can help me understand some of the verses that confuse me,” Elsie said. “But I want a child, Conner. Please, prove your love for me by giving me the thing I want most in the world—except for you, of course.”

Conner kissed her lips. “You were right. I have been selfish.” He sighed. “We’ll start making that baby tonight.”

“After our Bible reading,” she reminded him. Her smile lit up her face so radiantly, it even reached her tear-filled eyes. He’d made her happy, and it felt wonderful that he had the power to do that.

“I love you, too, Conner. I was heartsick after realizing I’d hurt you with my words.”

“You did, but I needed them to wake me up.”

A pounding on the clinic door made them both jump from their passionate kiss. Conner stood up, pulling her with him. “We’ll finish this tonight. A patient awaits us.”

Chapter Nineteen

Elsie made an announcement at their Thanksgiving dinner. Conner had already confirmed it with an examination.

“Bertie, I hope you won’t mind having to cook for another family member.”

Bertie looked at Conner. “Your sister, Beth, is coming for a visit?”

Conner laughed. “No, it’s a much smaller visitor... or should I say, permanent resident?”

Bertie plopped into the empty chair. “Oh, thank the good Lord—a baby!”

For Christmas, Conner gave her a gold wedding ring. Bertie gave her several baby things she’d been knitting and sewing, and Elsie had also found the time to knit some baby clothes.

She hadn’t started to show yet, but Conner kept a close eye on her condition.

It had been a cold and snowy winter, and the clinic had patients coming in with colds and the flu. Conner had hired a woman from town to help him in the clinic; he didn’t want Elsie to catch any of their illnesses. This gave Elsie time to knit and crochet for their baby.

Early spring reminded Elsie that she’d been in Hays City for a full year. She was happy being a woman of leisure but the woman who assisted Conner was attractive. Elsie felt pangs of jealousy from time to time. Camille was a brunette with rosy cheeks and a beautiful smile. She was slim, and now Elsie was not. Her stomach was