Our Little Secret Rachael Stewart (best novels to read in english .TXT) 📖

cheek and stare down into her eyes. ‘I guess it’s too easy to take family for granted when you have one.’

She turns her head into my palm, closes her eyes and breathes in softly. I don’t speak. I can’t. I’m lost in that look, the way she appears to take comfort from the touch, even when I’ve played the fool.

‘They’re a good bunch,’ she says eventually, her lashes lifting, her eyes meeting mine.

‘And you—you have a good heart and deserve more.’

‘I...’ She lets out a small sigh. ‘That’s nice of you to say.’

I replay the words and my intention. I mean she deserves to have a big family to love and be loved in return. Instead, I’m thinking of me and her; I’m thinking of Dante, of all the other men out there that she could spend her time with, better men than me. And then I remember Dante’s revelation about her marriage. She had a man who promised to love her and then...what?

‘Faye.’ I wet my lips, my frown impossible to prevent. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were married?’

She starts. And I can’t blame her when my question seems to come from nowhere.

‘I’m not.’

‘I mean, before...’

She steps out of my hold, her eyes going back to the view, her arms hugging her middle as she cradles her wine glass in one hand. ‘It didn’t seem important. It wasn’t... It’s not like this is serious between us.’

Her eyes flit in my direction, assessing my response, and I know I’m impassive and doing everything I can not to show the confused state of my feelings. Because I don’t want to confuse her. I don’t want her to think that this is something more. Something serious. Something with any longevity. I’m not that man. And one whirlwind fling isn’t going to change that, no matter how impassioned, how intense...

‘It’s hardly like we’re dating.’ She’s trying to tease now, the jovial tone to her voice at odds with her rigid posture and her sad smile.

‘No.’ She’s right. We’re not, and I need to acknowledge it, but in the same breath... ‘I don’t know, though. It feels like something I should have known.’

‘There’s nothing for you to know. Not really. Bobby and I met at uni and married soon after. It didn’t work out.’

‘What went wrong?’ And why are you even asking when it only brings you closer together?

But it seems I can’t let it go. I want to understand. I want to know how a man could have the desire and good sense to commit to her and then let her go.

She drags in a breath and blows it out. ‘We were young and we were busy so much of the time. We had five good years, pursuing our careers. We worked in the same role for the same company and our sales sent us all over the world. We saw each other two weeks in every four and then I got promoted. It pushed me to the top of the ladder...above him.’

‘And he didn’t like it?’

She takes a sip of her wine and scoffs softly. ‘I thought he was okay with it, and it made so much sense for me to be the one settled in the UK more; I thought it made more sense for the place we were at.’

‘Place?’

A shrug. ‘The promotion to director meant I wasn’t racing around the world selling any more. I was in the UK. I was at home, settled, ready for...’

She breaks off and chews the corner of her lip.

But I know where this is heading, and the truth triggers a strange twisting sensation in my gut. ‘For children?’

I know I’m right. I see it in her awkward smile and the way she won’t meet my eye.

‘Yes.’

‘You must have loved him very much.’ It’s come out tight, constricted by my gut that continues to writhe.

‘At one time. And I’m sure he loved me too...but then everything changed.’

‘He was bitter?’

‘I’m not sure bitter’s the right word. With me being home more, we were able to spend more time together when he was in the UK, and we did, but...’ She frowns. ‘I don’t know. It just felt like we were going through the motions, putting ticks in boxes, fulfilling a life plan at a hundred miles an hour. Then my mum died and I just shut down. We didn’t connect any more, we didn’t talk, we didn’t...we didn’t have sex. Eventually, he’d had enough of waiting for me to come round, to go back to how I was. He accused me of being a workaholic, of being boring; he said that the person he fell in love with was no more.’

‘Bastardo!’

Her head whips around to face me, her eyes flaring at my outburst. But I’m angry, so angry at a man I don’t even know, because he wasn’t worthy of her. He promised her so much and left when she needed him the most.

‘He should have looked after you, not run.’

She lowers her gaze. ‘It wasn’t all his fault.’

I can’t believe she’s defending him. How can she not see that what he did to her was wrong? I reach for her arms, caress her skin and wait for her to look at me.

‘Can’t you see he shouldn’t have treated you like that? Made you feel that way?’

‘You don’t understand. I did change. Bobby was right. I... I did lose my love of life, the ability to laugh and enjoy it. I wasn’t an easy person to be around.’

‘You were his wife, Faye.’ I’m vehement, and there are warning bells ringing between my ears, but I can’t stop. ‘He swore to love you in the good times and the bad.’

Her eyes search mine, quietly curious, and I fear what she will say next before she says, ‘Is that—is that why you won’t ever marry? Because you won’t promise yourself to a woman for fear of failing her? If you don’t promise, you can’t fail.’

I swallow and shake my head. ‘I won’t marry because of many reasons.’

‘But