The Ties That Bind Us: (The Ties Duet Part One) Danda K. (dark academia books to read TXT) 📖

I roll over and stretch my arms and legs. It feels like forever since I’ve slept in a bed. And I’ve never slept in one with a guy.

Jaxon was sweet, though, checking on me all night. I’m a light sleeper, so I could sense when he was watching me. I don’t even think he slept much. Proving to me how considerate he is, I woke up to him pulling down my T-shirt when my stomach became exposed. He even built a huge pillow wall between us, I assume to give me space and respect my privacy.

I woke up again and noticed him staring at the ceiling, one hand behind his head and the other gripping mine gently. I don’t think he let go of my hand all night, honestly. I could tell he was deep in thought, so I just went back to sleep.

I really hope he isn’t blaming himself still.

I don’t hear him anywhere in the house, so I sit up and begin to panic. Did he end up getting arrested somehow? Did that dirtbag spew some lies and accuse Jaxon of attacking him first? Maybe the cops came back and arrested him this morning? Just as my brain begins to conjure up some more horrifying scenarios, I spot a note on the pillow next to where I slept.

Morning Nyx. Had to go get my bike. 

Didn’t want to wake you. I’ll be back soon. 

Magnet has breakfast waiting for you in the kitchen

;) -Jax

From the carousel to the gazebo, and unfortunately, to the bathroom, everything is still such a blur. When I took my shower, I turned the water hot, hoping it would somehow burn the remnants of that guy from my body.

I was attacked by a homicidal sexual predator, and if it wasn’t for Jaxon, I don’t even know if I’d be here right now.

My body has endured beatings before, but it’s been a few years since my father last put his hands on me.

The night the neighbors finally called the cops, and my abuse was documented, the bastard got spooked and never hit me again. I was seventeen. But it’s like riding a bike, the body never forgets, and I just add this to my long list of violent encounters.

I was at another man’s mercy again last night, but this time, I fought back. I may not have been able to completely protect myself, but I did fight. I’m grateful Jaxon was there to help me.

I’ve been alone in my battles for so long, I don’t remember when I stopped expecting help from anyone. But Jaxon helped without hesitation.

Now here I am, in his house, walking around while he’s out like it’s completely normal for him to have a girl spend the night. Maybe it is. I shake that thought from my head. Obviously, Jaxon has slept with girls. Judging by the way he kisses, he definitely has experience.

Jaxon’s apartment is quaint but cozy with all white linoleum flooring matching the color of the walls. The living room has one small black couch and a glass coffee table, both facing a large, mounted flat-screen television. I walk past the couch, running my hands across the leather, and eye the old-fashioned fireplace resting on the same wall as the TV.

I can spot the kitchen cabinets through a square cut out in the wall, reminding me I should eat.

I walk into Jaxon’s eat-in kitchen and smell coffee immediately. He must have made a pot before he left. I spot Captain Crunch on the top of the fridge and grab it. Taking a clean cereal bowl out of the drainer, I place it on the counter and open the fridge in search of milk. I notice a bagel with cream cheese sitting on the top shelf next to a plastic container of cut-up fruit.

I smile, shaking my head because I don’t think this man could be any more thoughtful.

I feel my smile slowly fade, sadness weighing heavy on my heart. I don’t deserve him. Jaxon deserves someone who can love and appreciate him and everything he has to offer. Someone who can reciprocate his feelings and fill his needs. Because that can’t be me. We may have had a heavy make-out session last night, but I was out of my mind. I don’t know if I’ll ever trust a man enough to have sex with him.

And what do I expect from Jaxon? To be with me, but not be able to touch me?

And who knows how long it’d take for me to build up the nerve to be intimate with him again. It’s not fair. Normal, consenting adults have sex, especially when they’re in a relationship. I’m not gonna hold him back from that.

Suddenly losing my appetite, I close the refrigerator door. I need to get out of here. This won’t work, and I’m crazy for even considering it.

I put everything back in place and head towards the bedroom to change into my clothes from yesterday. I find them folded neatly, cleaned, and placed on top of the small dresser. A lump forms in my throat because a part of me wants to be selfish. A part of me wants to be with Jaxon because he’s the closest thing to happiness I’ve ever felt, even if I’ve only known him a few weeks.

But, I’m not selfish. And I know deep down I’ll fuck this up. That’s why I have to go.

Just as I tie my boots, I hear the door open and Jaxon whistling as he walks in. I take a deep breath, trying to keep my cool.

I gather my things and move towards the bedroom door. As I get to the doorway, he’s right there, almost like he was coming to check on me.

He gives me a questioning look. “What’s up, Nyx? You headin’ out for something?” There’s a dash of panic in his eyes as he looks me over.

What the hell do I tell him? That I’ve come down from my Jaxon high and realized