The Ties That Bind Us: (The Ties Duet Part One) Danda K. (dark academia books to read TXT) 📖

Walking past him towards the living room, I say, “I’m gonna head back to Thomas.”

He follows behind me, sounding confused. “But I thought--”

I turn to face him and cut him off. “Listen, this’ll never work. I can’t just live with you- it’s too complicated. And I can’t do complicated right now. You’re an amazing guy, Jaxon, and you deserve someone who’s whole. I can’t give you what you need.”

He grabs my hand, and I immediately pull away. He backs away slightly, probably offended by the action—case in point.

He runs a hand over his hair. “And how do you know what I need?” He places his hands out now, palms facing me, in an attempt to reason with me. “Cameron, listen, you went through a lot last night. I understand your emotions are all over the place, but you shouldn’t be traveling. What if you have a concussion?” Blowing out a long breath, he continues, “Just give it a few days here with me. Forget about us if you have to. Hell, I won’t even touch you. This isn’t only about me wanting you. This is about your health and safety.” He takes a slight step toward me. “Please, just give it a few days and see how you feel. I promise I won’t go near you.”

Frustration fills me because he really doesn’t get it. “It’s not that, Jaxon!” I throw my hands in the air and head towards the front door, but he reaches out and grabs my arm, stopping me.

“So tell me what it is, baby. Is this about what happened to you last night?”

I tug at my hair and start pacing back and forth.

This is more than I can handle right now, but I want to tell him the truth regardless. “I do want you near me, Jax. All the time! I’m not questioning my feelings for you. Trust me, that’s the only thing I am sure of at this point.” I rub the back of my neck, trying to ease the tension. “And this isn’t about what happened last night either.” I wave my hand in the air to dismiss that idea. “I’m not like you. You light up every room you walk in. You’re like the poster boy for positivity! I have too much darkness in me, Jaxon.” I look at him, ashamed. “I’ve never even been in a relationship before.” I point to him now. “My first kiss was with you last night.”

I think back to how perfect he was. And how I almost lost the nerve to go through with it.

Doubt and anger drown me from the inside. It boils up in my chest, and I feel like my whole body is on fire from the truth that stains my entire life.

I scream at him, loud, for the first time ever.

“I’m a twenty-one-year-old virgin, Jax! That’s embarrassing enough! Without adding--” I gesture to his perfectly chiseled face and drool-worthy body, “well, you to the mix!” I shrug and turn my head to stare at the wall, unable to meet his eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to give myself to you, Jaxon. And what then? Are you gonna stay with a girl who’ll never have sex with you?”

I look back at him, my voice lower now. I know I’m lashing out because of my own frustration, but I can’t help it. “You’re a great guy, but you’re human. And you have needs. And you deserve to have those needs met. I just can’t promise that I can do that for you.” I lean against the wall, resting my head against it.

He runs his hands over his hair in frustration and throws up his arms. “I don’t give a shit about that, Cameron! I don’t care that you’ve never slept with anybody before!” His voice rises to match my earlier outburst. “The same way I wouldn’t care if you fucked the entire New York Jets defensive line in one night!”

He’s pissed, and I don’t blame him.

He’s been fighting his feelings, fighting my mood swings, and fighting the world for me in such a small amount of time. And I keep pushing him away.

He shrugs and crosses his arms. “In fact, if I’m completely honest...” He leans on the back of the couch and continues, “When you told me you’d never kissed anyone before, I actually liked the idea.”

I don’t even know how to respond to that, so I stay quiet and continue my internal battle. I have an uncontrollable need to escape this conversation, so I lift my Jansport and place it over my shoulder. My fight or flight response is in full swing now, and flight is winning.

He pushes himself off the couch and steps closer to me. “So, what was your plan? You were just gonna leave without saying goodbye? And that’s it? Disappear?”

Guilt consumes me now, but I stay silent. Because I won’t lie to him.

“All I’m asking is for you to give me a chance. I’m not asking for your whole heart. Hell, I’m not asking for any of it right now. All I’m asking is that you try and trust me. To not run away the first chance you get. I promise I’ll never do to you what he did. I would never mark you, Nyx, mind, body, or soul. I would never even want to change you.” He takes a deep breath. “I just want to help you realize you’re worth so much more than what your father made you believe.”

I finally put together words. “I just don’t know what I’m doing, Jaxon. I don’t know if I can be who you need me to be.”

Stepping even closer, he retorts, “The only person I need you to be, is you. Everything else we’ll take one step at a time. If you’re not ready for anything more than platonic, I’ll accept that.” He looks as if it hurts him to even say those words. Taking me in his arms, he hugs me and places his chin on