Through the Lens (Click Duet #1) (Bay Area Duet Series) Persephone Autumn (black authors fiction TXT) 📖

inside me as I open my eyes. Jonas’s link to mine immediately. Something different resides within them, though. Fire. Passion. Desires he has kept smoldering for years. Has all this come to life because Gavin is here? Is he finally acting on how he feels for me because he fears his chances are fading?

Or has jealousy brought them to the forefront? I don’t want jealousy to be the reason he chooses to make a move. Jealousy isn’t the right reason to tell someone you care for them.

Looking across the table, I realize Erin and Shelly are absent. “Where are…” I trail off.

“They went to the bathroom before stepping outside to make a call,” he informs me.

“Together?” I ask, the absurdity of it layering my tone.

“I guess so. They got up at the same time and went the same way.” His eyes never leave me. “Does that bother you? That they left us alone.”

My eyes dart between his and I suddenly see him a little different than I did ten minutes ago. “No. Don’t be silly. Of course it doesn’t bother me.” I snatch an onion ring to occupy my mouth before I ramble any further.

“Good.” His arm inches closer to me and his warm hand rests atop my bopping knee. “Because I’d hate to think you’re nervous to be around me now.”

It is not that I’m nervous per se to be around Jonas. More like I don’t want history repeating itself. The last guy I loved—who had also been my best friend beforehand—moved across the country. Granted, it wasn’t his choice to do so, but he made zero effort to return. I put in all the effort and he just didn’t. The only reason Gavin is here now is because his work brought him here. Not me.

If this shoot hadn’t come up, would he have returned?

I have asked myself this question too many times this week. Have questioned if he ever had intentions of returning. Even if I ask Gavin, would he tell me the truth? Or only what I want to hear? Would he sugarcoat the reason it took him more than a decade to come back here? To me. If he is doing so well in his career, if he still loves me the way he claims, why didn’t he return sooner? This whole situation frustrates me on so many levels. I don’t know which way is up anymore.

God, it feels as if I’m in the middle of an epic battle. The battle for my affection. And somehow, I became the prize. Against my own volition. What if I want things to stay how they are? What if I don’t want a relationship—other than friendship—with either one of them? Do I get a say in the matter? Of all the people in this situation, I should get the biggest say in the outcome. My heart is the one on the line, after all.

“I’m not nervous to be around you,” I say after a long stretch of silence. “More worried, I guess.”

“Worried?” He is quick to ask.

“Yes. I don’t want things to change. And whether intentional or not, relationships change the dynamic between people and friendships. This” —I point between the two of us— “is perfect right now. What if us being more than what we are changes that? I can’t lose you as a friend, Jonas. It would crush me.”

Jonas’s fingers trace small circles above my knee, the gentle motion is soothing and worrisome. I have always enjoyed Jonas’s company. Always smiled and laughed and had a good time when we were together. A time here and there, I thought maybe he wanted more than friendship, but he never made a move or asked me on a date. So I brushed it off and assumed I read him wrong.

Ninety-nine percent of our outings include Shelly and/or Erin. It isn’t me not wanting to spend individual time with him. More like the thought never occurred to me for us to hang out alone. Jonas is my friend, and I usually do friend stuff in group settings. Things have always been that way. And only occasionally veer off.

“Believe me, I know exactly where you’re coming from. That’s the reason I’ve never said anything. Never put myself out there to you. Because I’d be broken without you,” he confesses then pauses, taking a breath before locking eyes with me. “But now… it seems like if I wait to tell you how I feel, I’ll miss the opportunity. Or I could lose you. He’s had your heart once before. If he’s lucky enough to have it again, I…”

He doesn’t finish his thought as he drops his chin, but I know what he would have said. I wouldn’t stand a chance. Is he right? If Gavin somehow won my heart again, would I cave and be with him? Part of me instantly says yes—the part that has longed for him for years. Another part of me says no—that being the logical, rational side. The side that reminds me of the painful days, the loneliness and the heartache from before. All the tears and cold nights and nightmares.

I lay my hand over Jonas’s and his eyes jerk up to meet mine. “I know,” I tell him. “But no matter what, you’ll always be a part of me.”

Seconds later, Shelly and Erin plop back on their stools and look over at the woman singing karaoke. My thoughts run on high speed, and I have no clue what song is playing, nor do I care. All I know is, below the wooden grain of this tall tabletop, Jonas hasn’t removed his hand, and neither have I.

Chapter Twenty

Gavin

Fifteen years ago

One more hour and Thanksgiving break starts. Nine glorious days of not getting up before the sun. Of sleeping in and zero required reading or assignments. But those aren’t the best parts of time off school. Not by a long shot.

What I’m really over the moon about is having uninterrupted time with Cora.

Sure, I see