Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

certain behavior to be normative, and they conform to that behavior, then they actually shape what becomes the norm.

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Men,Women,

and the Sexual Double Standard

Certain Hollywood actresses of the 1950s and 1960s, such as Sandra Dee and Doris Day, epitomized the proverbial idea of a “good girl.” These women had a squeaky clean, virginlike image that was promulgated both on and off screen. All actresses of this time period did not fit this mold, but there was something about maintaining this image that helped propel these women to stardom. An erotic image, on the other hand, also helped skyrocket the careers of actresses like Elizabeth Taylor and Marilyn Monroe. Interestingly, both Taylor and Monroe became the infamous “other women” in the marriages of “respectable” wives like Debbie Reynolds and first lady Jacqueline Kennedy. Thus, iconic women could be characterized either as a virginal “good girl” (i.e., the marrying kind), or a sexy “bad girl” whom a man should not bring home to Mother.

The women’s movement of the late 1960s and 1970s aimed to free women of this kind of labeling by encouraging all women to embrace their sexuality. This era has been called the sexual revolution because it became increasingly socially acceptable for women to have sex prior to marriage.1 Although cultural expectations for women’s sexual behavior changed after the sexual revolution, the good-girl image has remained relevant. In the 1980s, girl-next-door Molly Ringwald was the leader of Hollywood’s “brat pack” and starred in a number of hit films portraying youth culture. In the 1990s superstar Meg Ryan reigned as America’s sweetheart, a title some are now passing on to actress Mandy Moore. In 2005, the public rallied behind jilted wife Jennifer Aniston when bad girl Angelina Jolie stole the heart of Brad Pitt.2 The lasting popularity of women with an innocent persona begs the question: How much have attitudes on women’s sexuality actually changed? The hookup culture on modern college campuses affords young people 96

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more freedom than ever before, yet there continues to be a double standard for the sexual lives of men and women.3

When men and women first enter college they seem to be on the same page. Freshman year is a time when all students can test limits.

Most students at both Faith and State were on their own for the first time; dorm life provided the first extended opportunity to live away from parental supervision. Both men and women enter college with ideas about what college life is supposed to be like, and they are eager to be a part of the social scene. Most students indicated that, as freshmen, they did not want to be “tied down” to a relationship because this would interfere with experiencing all that college life has to offer. Many students had had exclusive relationships in high school and they reported looking forward to having a little freedom to see “who else is out there.”4 During this time of sexual experimentation, many students, both male and female, spoke of enjoying partying and hooking up.

Since they were still getting to know their fellow classmates on campus, many indicated that “random” hookups were common.5

After freshman year, things change. Men’s and women’s goals in the hookup culture diverge; men enjoy the status quo, while women begin to want something more. For many men, the hookup script worked, so they did not communicate that they wanted a different way of doing things. Men preferred a “no strings attached” approach to a hookup encounter, so they could hook up with different women whenever they had the opportunity. For men who had good social skills, the opportunities were many. Men who wanted more than “just a hookup” pursued relationships and they did not seem to have much difficulty finding them.6 However, many men indicated that they did not want relationships during college. Other men said they might be interested in a relationship if the “right girl” came along, but they were not planning to “go out of their way” to find her. Women, on the other hand, became increasingly relationship-oriented after freshman year. While many women were still willing to hook up, they wanted hookup encounters to turn into some semblance of a relationship.

GOALS AT ODDS

Since men and women want different things from the hookup culture, the intimate side of college life becomes somewhat of a battle of the 98

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sexes. Given that many women want relationships and many men do not, boyfriends are hard to come by. Lisa, a sophomore at State University, discussed what college women want.

KB: What about girls? What are they looking for, are they looking for sex, are they looking for relationships, what are they looking for?

Lisa: I think, like I said, when I first came in as a freshman, I wasn’t looking for a real relationship at all, I just wanted to go out and have fun and do whatever I wanted to do. And I think a lot of my girlfriends were like that last year too. As time goes on, it gets kind of old [the whole hookup scene]

and you’re like: “All right, I’m sick of just kissing random people; it’s not really that fun; it doesn’t mean anything.” And I think people, at least girls, as they progress through college they start to really want, I know a lot of them really want to find someone that they really like and have a real relationship.

KB: Do you think that is something they will be able to find or is that something that’s hard for them to find?

Lisa: I don’t know, I mean it is kind of hard to find in college. Like, the guy that I’m seeing now is someone