Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus Kathleen Bogle (general ebook reader .txt) 📖

the hookup culture, students were often confused about what other students were doing sexually, particularly with regard to how often other students hooked up or how likely they were to have sexual intercourse during a hookup (i.e., outside the context of an exclusive relationship). They also had a tendency to believe that other students must be frequently engaging in sexual intercourse with a variety of partners, even if this was not consistent with their own experience or the experiences of their circle of close friends.

T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A 93

KB: Would you say that most students you know are having sex?

Jen: Yes.

KB: But when people hook up you [said previously that you]

generally think they are not having sex?

Jen: Generally no [they are not having sex when they hook up].

[Wait, I take that back] they probably are having sex. I really don’t know. Because it’s not something you ask people [if they are not a close friend]. My close group of friends, two of them are in a relationship and they are [having sex]. And then my other roommate she’s not really like that. But that’s just people that I know. But [I am not sure] what other people are doing.

KB: You don’t know?

Jen: Right. But probably [they are having sex].

KB: When would you say that you think sex is appropriate?

Jen: Personally, I think it’s appropriate when you have a certain trust established. I would not really give it a time frame. Just knowing it’s someone you can trust. I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone and have them not call me or ignore me or something like that . . . if they are going to be a jerk about it.

[Junior, State University]

Students’ confusion over what peers were doing sexually resulted in confusion over what they themselves should be doing.23 For example, students often did not have strong convictions regarding when sexual intercourse is appropriate.24 Some said sexual intercourse was appropriate only in the context of a committed, exclusive, (potentially) long-term relationship; others voiced vague standards such as “when you know you can trust the person” or “when you can tell him (or her) anything.” Regardless, students hesitated to give a more concrete answer, such as a specific time frame.25 Thus, unlike the dating era when sex was deemed appropriate only after marriage or at least engagement, college students utilizing the hookup script cannot pinpoint precisely when, or in what context, sex should occur.

The fact that the hookup script allows for such a wide range of behavior leaves students grappling with the norms of the hookup script.

The lack of clarity on what others are doing when they say “I hooked up” led to a sense of normlessness. Rather than there being a standard 94

T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A to which individuals should aspire, students seemed to believe they were responsible for inventing their own personal standards for what is appropriate. Lee, a freshman at Faith University, discussed her views on when sexual interaction is appropriate.

KB: In your view, when is sexual interaction appropriate? Are there certain circumstances or is it up to an individual to decide?

Lee: It’s hard to say. Months ago I would have said if you just had sex with someone where you were with them for a couple months it was bad. But I had sex with my boyfriend like a week and half after I met him . . . I only slept with two other people and that was very rare for me [to have sex with someone so soon]. I guess it does depend. I don’t know.

Consistent with students suggesting that decision making in the hookup culture must be an individual or personal decision, some indicated that what others do sexually should be private.26 This is ironic given how preoccupied college students were with discussing the intimate details of their classmates’ lives. Thus, there is a disjunction between what college students do (gossip about one another) and what some students say they should do (mind their own business). For instance, I asked the students what advice they would give incoming freshman (of the same gender) regarding how to act with the opposite sex. Emily, a sophomore at Faith University, suggested that it is inappropriate for her to impose her personal beliefs on others.

KB: Is there anything else you would say [to an incoming freshman female] regarding do’s or don’ts of how to act with guys?

Emily: Umm, I don’t know . . . I think everyone has their individual values and I don’t think they should be pushed on anyone else. I mean, I would say: “Don’t go around sleeping with the whole campus,” but you do what you want to do, you do what you think is right. And I don’t think I should say to someone like, even though I think it’s wrong, I can’t imagine pushing my beliefs on someone else.

This excerpt from Emily underscores the ethic of individual choice to which many students seemed to subscribe to in theory.27 In practice, T H E C A M P U S A S A S E X UA ll A R E N A 95

however, the college students admitted that they were constantly engaged in gossiping about, as well as judging, one another for their behavior in the hookup culture. It is naive for students to believe that the choices individuals make in order to adapt to the hookup script are simply a matter of consulting one’s own moral compass. Men and women do not interact in a vacuum. In the campus sexual arena, students create their personal standards by drawing upon what they believe other students are doing (i.e., what is “normal”). Students’ perceptions, or misperceptions, of the norms for the hookup script ultimately affect the script itself. In other words, if college students perceive a