Quit Bein' Ugly Vale, Lynn (popular books of all time .txt) 📖

Because there, before our eyes, was Carmichael. And she was squeezing the absolute hell out of Alfie’s head with her thighs and punching him in the face to boot.

I wondered if she even realized she was doing it.

“…Alfie!” I heard Camryn say.

That’s when the man stopped struggling.

Finally, Carmichael let go.

But not because there were now four cops, her brother, who was also a cop, and me surrounding her. Instead, it was because the man on the ground that’d attacked her friend was well and truly passed the hell out.

She stood up and backed straight into me.

“Ummm,” I heard someone say. “That’s the best thing I’ve ever seen. Did anyone happen to video that?”

“I did!” I heard a voice say from the porch.

I looked over to see Raleigh leaning through the railing that surrounded Carmichael’s porch. She had her phone out from between the railing slats, and she waved through another set. “Everyone say hi!”

Carmichael covered her face with her hands and then went a step further by turning her face into my chest.

“Raleigh!” I bellowed. “What the fuck happened to your nose? Are you okay?” I found myself asking.

She stood up and gestured to her bleeding nose.

“It’ll stop,” she assured me. “It’s always like this. You do remember that Ezra dropped a box of condoms on my face and got the same results. Seriously, it doesn’t take much.”

It didn’t.

Sadly, my sister was the most accident-prone person I’d ever met.

She’d had multiple broken bones in her life. Stitches. Scrapes. Bruises. You name it, my sister had it.

“You might want to change, then,” I suggested. “Carmichael probably has something you can change into. Ezra will likely hear about this and be right over.”

Speaking of her husband, I heard an engine roar from a block away, and knew that was likely him.

She hurried inside without a backward glance, leaving Camryn staring on from the porch, and the rest of us standing around the unconscious man.

“What happened?” one of the latecomer cops asked.

“This dumbass came up from beside the house, attacked her, and then they struggled. Carmichael came out of the house like she was on speed and tackled him right over the porch railing. They hit with her on top, then they struggled. Eventually she won the struggle and got him into that headlock where she proceeded to squeeze the holy hell out of him,” another cop added in.

“I remember her doing that to a watermelon last year. It was all over Facebook. He’s lucky that that didn’t happen,” someone else added.

Ezra’s truck pulled up just as Alfie started to come to life on the ground.

“His prints were confirmed,” Flint said as he walked over to a groaning Alfie and flipped him over onto his front. Seconds later he had him cuffed using one of the officer’s set of cuffs.

“Sit up, motherfucker,” Flint ordered.

Alfie did, swaying slightly.

His eyes focused on the two of us, and he narrowed them dangerously.

“You won’t get near them,” Flint promised. “The gig is up. Tell me what the fuck you’re doing here and why you’re shooting men in the street, and breaking into women’s houses.”

Alfie’s lips tightened into a firm line, making it obvious that he wasn’t going to talk.

“You know,” Ezra said as he walked up. “If I didn’t know better, I would think that you have a death wish.” Alfie’s face blanched. “I told you when you ran into my wife at the cafeteria and then harangued her about Carmichael’s dating status. I told you to leave her the fuck alone. I also told you that you wouldn’t like it if I had to tell you a second time.”

“Ummm,” Raleigh said as she came out onto the porch in a white t-shirt that looked to be mine. “I might add that he didn’t actually leave me alone then either. He’s been really annoying lately about me setting him up on a date with Carmichael.”

“We’re together,” Carmichael said as she pointed at me. “You knew that.”

“Actually,” Camryn added her two cents from the porch. “Nobody’s really seen you since all of it happened. The only people that know that you’re seeing him are us. You’ve been out since then.”

Carmichael scrunched up her nose. “You’re right.”

“Doesn’t mean that it gives him permission to harass ladies. Break into houses. Oh, and shoot people,” Flint barked. “Alfie, you have the right to remain silent…”

• • •

Flint walked in the door two hours later to cold pizza and a sleeping wife.

She was laid out on the couch next to Carmichael. I, on the other hand, was laid out on the loveseat with my feet hanging over the edge.

Upon seeing him, I slowly sat up, giving him a place to land.

He sat down carefully, grabbing a piece of pizza—meat lover’s which happened to be the only kind that was left—and shoved his face full of food.

It was only after he polished off his third piece that he said, “We got fuckin’ nothin. The good thing is, he isn’t going anywhere thanks to the prints. We got him for attempted murder, breaking and entering, robbery, and assault. Bitch is screwed. Just wish we had the motive.”

“You should pressure that boy that tried to steal her computer,” Camryn said with a yawn. “Didn’t he say that he was put up to it by someone? He could confirm whether that was Alfie or not, right?”

“Right,” Flint said. “And we did. Pulled the boy in, got the agreement that it was indeed him, but that’s it. We can’t move past this point until more information arises.”

“What about your cases that you’re working, Croft?” Raleigh asked. “Anything there that we could go on?”

“I’ve actually been thinking about that,” I admitted. “The only one that would’ve caused a red flag to go up was closed a few weeks ago. The guy plea bargained out. Case over.”

“Hmm.” Camryn sat up and reached for yet another piece of pizza. “This is a conundrum.”

“Where are you putting that?” Carmichael asked. “You’ve literally eaten seven