The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen Rudolph Erich Raspe (the chimp paradox .txt) 📖

Thus were the affections of the people regained; and they, from hence, began to venerate, applaud, and admire my government more than ever. The following ode was performed at the castle, in the most superb style, and universally admired:⁠—

Ye bulls and crickets, and Gog, Magog,
And trump’ts high chiming anthrophog,
Come sing blithe choral all in og,
Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog!

Great and superb appears thy cap sublime,
Admired and worshipp’d as the rising sun;
Solemn, majestic, wise, like hoary Time,
And fam’d alike for virtue, sense, and fun.

Then swell the noble strain with song,
And elegance divine,
While goddesses around shall throng,
And all the muses nine.

And bulls, and crickets, and Gog, Magog,
And trumpets chiming anthrophog,
Shall sing blithe choral all in og,
Caralog, basilog, fog, and bog!

This piece of poetry was much applauded, admired, and encored in every public assembly, celebrated as an astonishing effort of genius; and the music, composed by Minheer Gastrashbark Gkrghhbarwskhk, was thought equal to the sense!⁠—Never was there anything so universally admired, the summit of the most exquisite wit, the keenest praise, the most excellent music.

“Upon my honour, and the faith I owe my love,” said I, “music may be talked of in England, but to possess the very soul of harmony the world should come to the performance of this ode.” Lady Fragrantia was at that moment drumming with her fingers on the edge of her fan, lost in a reverie, thinking she was playing upon⁠—Was it a forte piano?

“No, my dear Fragrantia,” said I, tenderly taking her in my arms while she melted into tears; “never, never, will I play upon any other⁠—!”

Oh! ’twas divine, to see her like a summer’s morning, all blushing and full of dew!

XXVIII

The Baron sets all the people of the empire to work to build a bridge from their country to Great Britain⁠—His contrivance to render the arch secure⁠—Orders an inscription to be engraved on the bridge⁠—Returns with all his company, chariot, etc., to England⁠—Surveys the kingdoms and nations under him from the middle of the bridge.

“And now, most noble Baron,” said the illustrious Hilaro Frosticos, “now is the time to make this people proceed in any business that we find convenient. Take them at this present ferment of the mind, let them not think, but at once set them to work.” In short, the whole nation went heartily to the business, to build an edifice such as was never seen in any other country. I took care to supply them with their favourite kava and fudge, and they worked like horses. The tower of Babylon, which, according to Hermogastricus, was seven miles high, or the Chinese wall, was a mere trifle, in comparison to this stupendous edifice, which was completed in a very short space of time.

It was of an immense height, far beyond anything that ever had been before erected, and of such gentle ascent, that a regiment of cavalry with a train of cannon could ascend with perfect ease and facility. It seemed like a rainbow in the heavens, the base of which appeared to rise in the centre of Africa, and the other extremity seemed to stoop into great Britain. A most noble bridge indeed, and a piece of masonry that has outdone Sir Christopher Wren. Wonderful must it have been to form so tremendous an arch, especially as the artists had certain difficulties to labour against which they could not have in the formation of any other arch in the world⁠—I mean, the attraction of the moon and planets: Because the arch was of so great a height, and in some parts so elongated from the earth, as in a great measure to diminish in its gravitation to the centre of our globe; or rather, seemed more easily operated upon by the attraction of the planets: So that the stones of the arch, one would think, at certain times, were ready to fall up to the moon, and at other times to fall down to the earth. But as the former was more to be dreaded, I secured stability to the fabric by a very curious contrivance: I ordered the architects to get the heads of some hundred numbskulls and blockheads, and fix them to the interior surface of the arch, at certain intervals, all the whole length, by which means the arch was held together firm, and its inclination to the earth eternally established; because of all the things in the world, the skulls of these kind of animals have a strange facility of tending to the centre of the earth.

The building being completed, I caused an inscription to be engraved in the most magnificent style upon the summit of the arch, in letters so great and luminous, that all vessels sailing to the East or West Indies might read them distinct in the heavens, like the motto of Constantine.

Kardol Bagarlan Kai Ton Faringo Sargai Ra Mo Pashrol Vatineac Cal Colnitos Ro Na Filnat Agastra Sa Dingannal Fano.

That is to say, “As long as this arch and bond of union shall exist, so long shall the people be happy. Nor can all the power of the world affect them, unless the moon, advancing from her usual sphere, should so much attract the skulls as to cause a sudden elevation, on which the whole will fall into the most horrible confusion.”

An easy intercourse being thus established between Great Britain and the centre of Africa, numbers travelled continually to and from both countries, and at my request mail coaches were ordered to run on the bridge between both empires. After some time, having settled the government to my satisfaction, I requested permission to resign, as a great cabal had been excited against me in England; I therefore received my letters of recall, and prepared to return to Old England.

In fine, I set out upon my journey, covered with applause and general admiration. I proceeded with the same retinue that I had before⁠—Sphinx, Gog and Magog, etc., and advanced along the bridge, lined on each side with rows