The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen Rudolph Erich Raspe (the chimp paradox .txt) 📖

xml:lang="fr">chemise à la reine. “I like,” said she, “the dew of the morning, ’tis delicate and ethereal, and, by thus bespangling me, I think it will more approximate me to the nature of the rose [for her looks were like Aurora]; and to confirm the vermilion I shall go to Spa.” “And drink the Podhon spring?” added I, gazing at her from top to toe. “Yes,” replied the lovely Fragrantia, “with all my heart; ’tis the drink of sweetness and delicacy. Never were there any creatures like the water-drinkers at spa; they seem like so many thirsty blossoms on a peach-tree, that suck up the shower in the scorching heat. There is a certain something in the waters that gives vigour to the whole frame, and expands every heart with rapture and benevolence. They drink! good gods! how they do drink! and then, how they sleep! Pray, my dear Baron, were you ever at the falls of Niagara?” “Yes, my lady,” replied I, surprised at such a strange association of ideas; “I have been, many years ago, at the Falls of Niagara, and found no more difficulty in swimming up and down the cataracts than I should to move a minuet.” At that moment she dropped her nosegay. “Ah,” said she, as I presented it to her, “there is no great variety in these polyanthuses. I do assure you, my dear Baron, that there is taste in the selection of flowers as well as everything else, and were I a girl of sixteen I should wear some rosebuds in my bosom, but at five-and-twenty I think it would be more apropos to wear a full-blown rose, quite ripe, and ready to drop off the stalk for want of being pulled⁠—heigh-ho!” “But pray, my lady,” said I, “how do you like the concert?” “Alas!” said she, languishingly, while she laid her hand upon my shoulder, “what are these bodiless sounds and vibration to me? and yet what an exquisite sweetness in the songs of the northern part of our island:⁠—‘Thou art gone awa’ from me, Mary!’ How pathetic and divine the little airs of Scotland and the Hebrides! But never, never can I think of that same Doctor Johnson⁠—that constable, as Fergus MacLeod calls him⁠—but I have an idea of a great brown full-bottomed wig and a hogshead of porter! Oh, ’twas base! to be treated everywhere with politeness and hospitality, and in return invidiously to smellfungus them all over; to go to the country of Kate of Aberdeen, of Auld Robin Gray, ’midst rural innocence and sweetness, take up their plaids, and dance. Oh! Doctor, Doctor!”

“And what would you say, Fragrantia, if you were to write a tour to the Hebrides?” “Peace to the heroes,” replied she, in a delicate and theatrical tone; “peace to the heroes who sleep in the isle of Iona; the sons of the wave, and the chiefs of the dark-brown shield! The tear of the sympathising stranger is scattered by the wind over the hoary stones as she meditates sorrowfully on the times of old! Such could I say, sitting upon some druidical heap or tumulus. The fact is this, there is a right and wrong handle to everything, and there is more pleasure in thinking with pure nobility of heart than with the illiberal enmities and sarcasm of a blackguard.”

XXXI

A litigated contention between Don Quixote, Gog, Magog, etc.⁠—A grand court assembled upon it⁠—The appearance of the company⁠—The matrons, judges, etc.⁠—The method of writing, and the use of the fashionable amusement quizzes⁠—Wauwau arrives from the country of Prester John, and leads the whole Assembly a wild-goose chase to the top of Plinlimmon, and thence to Virginia⁠—The Baron meets a floating island in his voyage to America⁠—Pursues Wauwau with his whole company through the deserts of North America⁠—His curious contrivance to seize Wauwau in a morass.

The contention between Gog and Magog, and Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, the Lord Whittington, etc., was productive of infinite litigation. All the lawyers in the kingdom were employed, to render the affair as complex and gloriously uncertain as possible; and, in fine, the whole nation became interested, and were divided on both sides of the question. Colossus took the part of Sphinx, and the affair was at length submitted to the decision of a grand council in a great hall, adorned with seats on every side in form of an amphitheatre. The assembly appeared the most magnificent and splendid in the world. A court or jury of one hundred matrons occupied the principal and most honourable part of the amphitheatre; they were dressed in flowing robes of sky-blue velvet adorned with festoons of brilliants and diamond stars; grave and sedate-looking matrons, all in uniform, with spectacles upon their noses; and opposite to these were placed one hundred judges, with curly white wigs flowing down on each side of them to their very feet, so that Solomon in all his glory was not so wise in appearance. At the ardent request of the whole empire I condescended to be the president of the court, and being arrayed accordingly, I took my seat beneath a canopy erected in the centre. Before every judge was placed a square inkstand, containing a gallon of ink, and pens of a proportionable size; and also right before him an enormous folio, so large as to serve for table and book at the same time. But they did not make much use of their pens and ink, except to blot and daub the paper; for, that they should be the more impartial, I had ordered that none but the blind should be honoured with the employment: so that when they attempted to write anything, they uniformly dipped their pens into the machine containing sand, and having scrawled over a page as they thought, desiring them to dry it with sand, would spill half a gallon of ink upon the paper, and thereby daubing their fingers, would transfer the ink to their face whenever thy