Heart and Soul Jackie May (best feel good books .txt) 📖

“Now you’re just rambling to avoid the subject.”

“Is Charlotte back in control? Because that sounds like her.”

“Fine, let’s change the subject. Tell me this—what was your ‘one more thing?’”

“Huh?”

“Your ‘one more thing.’ Last night, we were talking, and you said I could ask my ‘one more thing’ if I let you ask yours. But you never did.”

“Oh, that. Forget it.”

He goes quiet, just looking at me expectantly.

I pull the blanket around my shoulders again. “Okay. I was going to ask…” I clear my throat. Matt waits patiently. I stall some more. “Maybe put on your sunglasses, so I can pretend your eyes are open.” He obliges, and it helps, so I plunge in: “I was going to ask…well, thinking I was talking to Charlotte, of course, because she’s been all over the country, working all kinds of cases, and probably been to every underworld agency. But I guess that means you have, too, so…I was just wondering if you guys had ever seen other relationships like mine?”

“Meaning? What kind of relationship?”

“Meaning, an underworlder and a human who knows about the underworld.”

He sits up straight and folds his arms. “I have an answer for you, but it’s not the answer you’re looking for.”

“Okay, that sounds like you’re trying to Jedi mind-trick me.”

“No, but I’ll take note that you just made a Star Wars reference, which I always encourage.”

“Are you funny and a geek? I’m sorry, but I’m just having a hard time seeing you and her together. Does not compute.”

“Charlotte was different before. Do you remember when Henry Stadther compelled Brenner to forget his memories of the underworld?”

“Yes, but it’s weird now to think that you were there, too, watching all that play out.”

“Remember how he was? Laughing. Joking. Clueless.”

“A different person. I get it, but still, I can’t picture Charlotte being like that.”

“She was.” Unfolding his arms, he rubs his palms back and forth over his kneecaps—a nervous tick. “All through middle school. All through high school. She was into art. She was into boys. All that teenager stuff. Totally normal.”

“You…I didn’t realize you knew each other before.”

“Is that a blessing or a curse? What do you say?”

“It’s…” My mind goes blank. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. No witty comeback? I’ve just met this guy—he’s a perfect stranger, and the better half of a woman who’s been nothing but a pain in my ass. And yet…I feel. For both of them. What they went through, I can’t imagine…

Wait. No.

I can imagine. And that’s it, isn’t it? I can imagine how they must feel, because I would feel the same if something ever happened to Jay. I can imagine, and the thought of it staggers my heart and numbs my brain.

Matt passes me a napkin from the table. I dab it to my eyes. “Psh! Wow, I don’t know where this is coming from.”

“No worries. I get it.”

I try to laugh. “Maybe I’m pregnant.”

Matt’s face crumbles. “Charlotte was pregnant.”

“No! I’m so sorry, I’ll just shut up—”

He flashes Charlotte’s teeth in a wicked grin. “C’mon. Too easy.”

“Oh! Oh, that’s…you!” I wad up the napkin and throw it at his smug face.

“Oh, c’mon, you gotta understand what it’s been like for me. All those times you and Charlotte are going back and forth like ping-pong, and Charlotte’s giving as good as she gets, don’t get me wrong, she’s a ballbuster, but you bring out my A-game, Shayne. I mean, wow, I’m coming up with zings left and right that only you could have appreciated, but she never used any of them! I’m like, ‘Babe, say this’ and ‘Oh! Babe, say that!’ But nothing!”

A sob that had been traveling up my throat comes out as a laugh instead, and that laugh turns into infectious giggles for both of us, like we’re drunk. I wipe more tears from my cheeks.

Matt slumps back in the chair with a sigh. “Their alarms will go off soon. I’ll say it, because Charlotte won’t. You guys be careful out there. The closer you get to Tabitha Durran, the more and more reckless Charlotte gets. I need you to watch her back.”

“For you, I will.”

“Promise me. I need to hear it.”

“I promise. I will.” I’m surprised to feel that I really mean that. Somehow, meeting Matt has made me think differently about Hillerman. Maybe I’ve tried a little too hard to dislike her.

A heavy silence falls between us. I’m tempted—oh, so tempted—to excuse myself and leave it at that. It definitely seems like Matt is willing to let me off the hook, at least for now. But dammit, I already like the guy, so I let out a resigned sigh and say, “C’mon, then, don’t wuss out on me now, after you’ve come this far. Say what you came here to say. Why me?”

Pulling himself up to the edge of the seat, Matt rests his elbows on his knees and picks at his fingernails. “We talked about Brenner, how he used to be one way before, and another way after. Before was ignorance and bliss; after was disturbed. Broken. But then he met you.”

“No, don’t start this again.”

“Hear me out. I think you’ll agree. He met you, and the closer he gets to you, the more he backs away from that broken place. I’m not saying he’ll ever get all the way back to the way he was before—that’s not possible—but he is settling into something in between, isn’t he?”

“Okay, I guess so.”

“You guess so?”

“No, yes, you’re right. What’s he got to do with this?”

“That in-between place, Shayne. Charlotte could have it, too. She could get there. It’s still in her, I know it.”

“I don’t understand. She doesn’t have that already? She’s got you.”

He shakes his head. “No, no, she can’t…” He runs a hand through his hair. His knee bounces nervously. “Not with me, she can’t. All I am is a constant reminder. And look, at first, yeah, she could hear my voice. It was distinct from hers. It was like a conversation. But that was