Manners and Social Usages by Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood (great book club books TXT) 📖

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bridegroom to receive the greetings of their friends at first

formally, then to leave the marriage bell or canopy of flowers and

to go about among the company, becoming again host and hostess. They

should spare their children, friends, and themselves tears and sad

recollections. Some opulent brides and bridegrooms make it a silver

wedding indeed by sending substantial presents to those who started

in life with them but have been less fortunate than themselves.

 

CHAPTER XLI. SPRING AND SUMMER ENTERTAINMENTS.

 

As the season advances and the country bursts into glorious sudden

spring, the garden party, the country dinner, the horseback

excursions, and the asparagus parties, the hunts and the yacht

voyages, the lawn-tennis and archery, the visits to the polo ground,

and the delights of a visit to the friends who live within an hour

of the city, at Orange and at Morristown, on the seagirt shore of

Long Island or up the Hudson, begin to loom up before the city-bound

worthy, and to throw a “rose hue o’er his russet cares.”

 

Now the first question with the neophyte who would go to the hunts

(for they “break the ice” in more senses than one), as the first of

the spring out-of-door entertainments, is, What does a young girl

require who would “ride to hounds”? for “pale Diana,” chaste and

fair, no longer hunts on foot, as she did in the days of Acteon.

 

She must have two thorough-bred hunters. She must have a groom, an

English habit, a carefully-considered outfit, and she must be a

perfect and a fearless horsewoman, and not mind a “cropper.” One of

the young riders at the Meadow Brook Hunt was thrown over her

horse’s head into a ditch last spring, and got up declaring she was

not even bruised. Yes, she must learn even how to fall off her horse

without breaking her ribs or her nose. It is an expensive amusement

to be Diana nowadays. The result, however, of long practice on

horseback seems to be that a woman becomes almost a centaur, and

more fearless than a man. Then the hunt includes as its adjuncts to

the young ladies certain men in pink. They “form” on a roadside, and

the master of the hunt says, “Ladies and gentlemen, will you hunt?”

and he motions to the whipper-in—a gallant creature in pink also—

to “throw off the dogs.”

 

Then the prettiest forty dogs, all spotted, start on their mad

career. It is a beautiful sight, with the red-coated huntsmen

following, and it looks as if the real fox would be attainable after

a time, instead of the farce of an anise-seed bag which now serves

to make the ghost of a scent. The low, soft hat is a favorite with

our young riders, but there is this to say for the hard hat, it does

break a fall. Many a fair forehead has been saved from a terrible

scar by the resistant hard hat.

 

The habit of riding every day and of getting thoroughly accustomed

to one’s seat should precede the daring attempt at a break-neck

“jump.” No one should pretend to hunt who has not a good seat, a good

horse, and plenty of nerve. Much less should an incompetent rider

venture on a friend’s horse. It has been said in England that “a man

will forgive you for breaking his own neck, but not that of his

favorite hunter.”

 

As the day for driving has come, many correspondents write to ask

what is the best style of equipage for a young man. We can only say

that a tilbury and one horse is very showy, that a dog-cart is the

most “knowing,” that a high chariot is very stately, but that the

two-seated Park wagon is the most appropriate in which to take out a

lady. There should always be a servant behind. The art of driving is

simple enough, but requires much practice. The good driver should

understand his horse well, and turn his curves gently and slowly; he

must know how to harness and unharness a horse, and be ready to mend

any trifling disarrangement if there is a break.

 

Now as to driving in a carriage with ladies, a correspondent writes

to ask the etiquette which should govern a gentleman’s conduct. He

takes his seat with his back to the horses, opposite the ladies, nor

should he assume to sit beside a lady unless requested to do so.

When the carriage stops, he should jump out and assist her to

alight, walking with her up her own steps, and ringing the bell. In

entering the carriage he should put his left foot on the step, and

enter the carriage with his right foot. This is, however, supposing

that he sits facing the horses; if he sits with his back to the

horses, he reverses the process. A gentleman should avoid treading

on ladies’ dresses, or shutting them in the door. Ladies who have

countryhouses should learn to drive as well as to ride. Indeed, in

these days when young women drive alone in the Park in their pony

phaetons and little carts, we need hardly advise that they should

learn to drive well.

 

As to boating, which is practised so largely by men, we hear of but

few ladies who pull the oar about New York; but doubtless it will be

done on inland streams and lakes. One gentleman should stay in the

boat and help to steady it, unless the oarswomen are very expert.

Short dresses and round hats should be worn, with no superincumbent

drapery, As the seat of honor in a boat is that occupied by the

stroke oar, it is etiquette for the owner of the boat to offer it to

his friend if he be a rower.

 

The asparagus party is a sort of a long picnic, in which a party of

friends join, and drive or ride out to some convenient inn where a

good dinner can be served, with the advantage of the early vegetable

cut directly from the ground. As Long Island is famous for its

asparagus, these parties from New York generally select some

convenient locality there, near enough to the city to be not too

fatiguing a drive.

 

The new passion for driving a coach has now become so much of an

American taste that we need not describe the pastime here. At least

four coaches will start from New York for some neighboring town-New

Rochelle, Yonkers, etc.—during the summer, and there is no better

way of spending a May day than on top of one. As for al fresco

entertainments, game pie, patties, cold beef, pressed tongue, potted

meats, sandwiches, p�t� de foie gras, champagne, are all taken out

in hampers, and served on top of the coach by the obedient valets at

the races, for those parties who go out with four horses and a

London coach to see the favorite run.

 

We are often asked what would be the appropriate costume for a lawn

party, and we can only answer that the costumes for these parties

should be of a useful character. If it is a lawn party at a very

elegant house, at Newport or up the Hudson, it may be, however, of a

delicacy and elegance not proper if one is asked out in the country

merely to “have a good time,” when a person would be exposed to the

weather, the wear and tear of games, and of a long day in the sun,

Thick boots are indispensable. But if one is invited to a wedding in

the country, even if the “lawn” is to play a decided part in the

entertainment, one must dress very handsomely. At the regular lawn

party the lady of the house and her daughters should receive on the

lawn in their bonnets.

 

Yachting is a favorite “summer entertainment,” and for those who

love the sea it is unparalleled for its excitement, Yachting dresses

should be made of serge or tweed, and possess warmth and durability,

and young women can trim them according to taste with the name and

insignia of their favorite yacht.

 

For a lawn-tennis party the players dress in flannels made for the

purpose, and for a lady the jersey is indispensable, as giving so

much freedom to the arms. These parties begin in May at all the

countryhouses and country parks about our larger towns, and

certainly furnish as much healthful amusement as anything can do.

 

Archery has not yet become acclimated in America, but there are

clubs in certain circles which promise a future for this game.

 

Now for those who go to countryhouses to stay “over Sunday,” as is

the fashion about New York, let us give one word of advice. Always

hold yourself at the disposal of those at whose house you are

staying. If they propose a plan of action for you, fall in with it.

If your visit is prolonged for a week, endeavor to amuse yourself as

much as possible. Do not let your hostess see that you are dependent

on her for amusement. Remember, however welcome you may be, you are

not always wanted. A good hostess also learns when to let her guests

alone. A gentleman visitor who neither shoots, fishes, boats, reads,

writes letters, nor does anything but hang about, letting himself be

“amused,” is an intolerable nuisance. He had better go to the

billiard-room and practice caroms by himself, or retire to the

stables and smoke.

 

A lady visitor should show a similar tact in retiring to her own

room to read or write letters, allowing her hostess to have her

mornings or her afternoons to herself, as she pleases. Some people

are “born visitors.” They have the genius of tact to perceive, the

genius of finesse to execute, case and frankness of manner, a

knowledge of the world that nothing can surprise, a calmness of

temper that nothing can disturb, and a kindness of disposition that

can never be exhausted. Such a visitor is greatly in demand

everywhere.

 

A good-natured host and hostess place everything at the disposal of

a visitor—their horses, carriages, books, and grounds. And here the

utmost delicacy should be observed. Never ride a horse too fast or

too far. Never take the coachman beyond his usual limits. Never

pluck a flower in the ornamental grounds without asking permission,

for in these days of ornamental and fanciful gardening it is

necessary to be careful and remember that each flower is a tint in a

well-considered picture. Never dog’s-ear or disfigure the books, or

leave them lying about; if you take them from their shelves, put

them back. Be thoughtful in your treatment of the servants, and give

those who immediately wait upon you some small gratuity. And if

family prayers are read, always try to be present.

 

So much for the possibility of a “summer entertainment” at a

countryhouse, one of the most agreeable of all, if the apple-blossoms are just out, and the charm of spring is over the whole

scene.

 

We hear of a “rustic masquerade” as one of the spring entertainments

at a countryhouse in Orange. This, it would seem, might be very

suitable all over the country, if woods and water are near enough

for the shepherds and shepherdesses. A copy of the garden parties

which made Boucher the painter that he was, and in which we almost

hear the wind rustling through the sedge, the refreshing murmur of

the fountain, and see the gayly dressed marquise put her violet

slipper on the turf, and the elegant and stately gentlemen as they

light up the neighboring arbor with their fine silk coats in his

pictures—a copy of such garden parties as those which made

Watteau’s fame (he has put them all on the fans, and the young

people have only