Lauren Takes Leave Gerstenblatt, Julie (classic literature list txt) 📖

you? I told her it would be more funif she just showed up at the gate, ready to go. I thought you’d love it.”

“She said she didn’t want to wake anyone in your housewith a call. She probably texted you or something.”

I check my phone and see that she has. Then I reach intomy bag and pull out a CD case.

“New mix?” Kat asks.

“Miami mix, baby!” I pop it in and ’80s music fills thesmall space. “You know how I love the mixes!”

With little traffic so early in the morning, we make it toKennedy airport in no time, park the car, and get our boarding passes. Jodicalls Kat to say she’s at the airport and is parking Lee’s car. He would havebeen suspicious if she said she was taking a cab, so she insisted on drivingherself, to fit best with the dying-grandmother story.

A few minutes later, Jodi enters the terminal looking likea famous person who is trying hard to be nonchalant. She’s wearing awide-brimmed, white sun hat and enormous black Gucci sunglasses. She’s gotlayers of gauzy material wrapped around her delicate frame. Gladiator sandalswind their way up her ankles.

“She’s gonna have to check that.” Kat motions to her hugesuitcase. “Who brings that much stuff for two days?”

“It’s shoes and bras, mostly, I can tell you fromexperience.”

“Bras?”

“Yes. Apparently, there are different kinds for everyoutfit. Racerback, push-up, push-up racerback, strapless underwire…there’squite an education to be had, traveling with Jodi.”

“It’s like last night all over again,” Kat jokes. “By theway, I have a little bit of a headache. You?”

“Not too bad. I bet Leslie’s feeling it hard, though.”

“Should I make a lame joke about ‘hard’ or no?”

I give Kat a look just as Jodi gets to us.

“Hi-yyy!” She kisses us each on both cheeks with a “mwah!”sound. “Why aren’t you guys dressed up? We’re going on vacation!”

“Because airplanes are cold,” I say.

“Because I don’t own shit like that,” Kat adds.

We wait while Jodi checks her luggage and then we headthrough security.

Jodi is busy unraveling the laces on her gladiatorsandals, so Kat and I take turns going through the metal detector, waiting forher on the other side.

“Excuse me? Ma’am?” a security officer calls. I don’t lookup from where I am retying my sneakers until he says it again, this time in myear. “Ma’am.”

“Uh, y-yes?” I stammer, looking to see if he’s confusingme for someone else.

“Come with me, please.” I glance at Kat, who shrugs. Thenthe officer motions toward her. “You, too.”

“Jodi!” I call. “We’re being examined.”

She removes her sunglasses and watches with wide eyes asKat and I are led into a privacy cubicle off to the side.

“Let’s hope there’s a cavity search,” Kat remarks. “Thatwould be a fun way to start the trip.”

The officer hears Kat’s comment but does not smile.“Ladies, sit, please.”

From a gray plastic tray, he removes and holds up twoitems. One is a pair of handcuffs trimmed in pink fur. The other is a tube oflipstick. He waits.

I’d know that lipstick anywhere.

And it ain’t lipstick.

“Kat!” I proclaim in mock horror. “You actually boughtthat from Candy Cox?”

“What?” she asks, looking to me, then to the items. “No!”she exclaims, realizing what I mean. “Officer…I have no idea where those thingscame from—”

“Well, I do,” he says, cutting her off. “These here,” hesays, shaking the handcuffs, “were in the blonde’s pocketbook.”

“I—”

“And this interesting device,” he says, holding out the mini-vibrator,“was in the bag belonging to…Kat, is it?”

“Ugh!” she groans. “Leslie!”

“What?” I ask. “Her dad’s that top lawyer, is that whatyou mean? That we should call Leslie for legal counsel?”

“No!” Kat muses, a small smile playing on her lips.“Leslie gave us this shit as party favors last night! That’s why theywere in our bags.”

“Ohhhh!” I exhale. “That’s funny,” I decide, and we startcracking up. Kat is laughing so hard that tears roll down her cheeks.

“Fucking crazy bitch!” she says fondly, recalling Lesliefrom last night.

“Um, ladies. I don’t think you understand. This is aserious matter. A matter of national security.”

This has us laughing even harder. “Yeah, I’m a regular binLaden!” she cackles. “Taking down democracy with my lipstick vibrator!”

“Locking up freedom with these plush, Playboy Bunnyhandcuffs…that don’t even lock!” I add for good measure. “My metal nail file ismore menacing!”

“Hello!” Jodi calls, her hat visible just above the rim ofour cubicle. “I’m going to Miami with or without you two losers, just so youknow. See you at the gate.”

“Maybe!” I joke, still trying to catch my breath.

“Please, officer,” Kat says benevolently. “For yoursignificant other, gifts from Lady Hoochie. Now, if you don’t mind releasingus, we’ve got a plane to catch.”

The announcement tells us to fasten our seatbelts, secureall items under the seat in front of us, and turn off all electronic devicesuntil the captain tells us it’s safe to power on again. Kat puts headphonesinto her iPod and slips one ear bud under her hair, concealed from anyGestapo-like stewardesses. Jodi passes out gum and opens her bible, Peoplemagazine. She runs her hands lovingly over the glossy pages and begins to read.

The plane creeps along the runway. The captain tells usthat we are now next in line for takeoff and reminds us to turn off allelectronics until we reach our climbing altitude. This is Kat’s signal to hidethe ear bud once more.

I check my e-mail before shutting off my phone, findingthree correspondences of note. The first is from Doug.

Subject: Jury Sequestering

From: dworthing@corporatebranding.com

Date: April 13

To: laurenworthing@gmail.com

Hi Lauren. Saw your note when I woke up. Can’t believe thejudge called you so early this morning and demanded that your jury besequestered. Immediately! That seems a bit extreme for a civil case like that,with low-profile clients and all. Unless it’s more than you were letting on? Iknow that, as per your instructions, you can’t tell me anything now, but if youare allowed time to call and check in today, please do.

I’m sorry that we haven’t had time to connect. Sorry, too,that you are tangled up in this case, cut off from your life. I know you don’talways love your job, but I bet you wish you were back in school